


sunshine boys

by channie_days (o_____o)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Accidents, Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Chan is Baby, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Little Space, Non-Sexual Age Play, Platonic Relationships, Soft af, caregiver!everyone, caregiver!felix, little!chan, little!seungmin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:09:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 50,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25743367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o_____o/pseuds/channie_days
Summary: chan works so hard to take care of them all, felix desperately wants to find a way to give back to him. the solution turns out to be much more interesting (and cuter) than he could have imagined.or; little chan finds a caregiver in felix and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts (mostly).[edited 9/14 for ykw reasons]
Relationships: Bang Chan & Everyone, Bang Chan & Lee Felix
Comments: 156
Kudos: 420





	1. discoveries made in secret

**Author's Note:**

> hello, welcome to 3am age regression fic, hopefully it brings u some comfort. i started writing this to help me fall asleep because like chan, i do not know the meaning of sleep or how one acquires it.
> 
> uh, idk whats gonna happen to be honest. ive got ideas, but i mostly wanted it to be fluffy and soft. it starts out a lil angsty, but gets over that pretty soon. then its smooth sailing and cute shit from then on. 
> 
> i have a few groundwork chapters to get thru before requests are ope, but ill try and keep ya'll informed.
> 
> anyway, to all my fellow insomniacs and friends otherwise. enjoy!

****

felix really hadn’t noticed how late it had gotten, too absorbed in watching fornite challenge videos on his phone. it wasn’t until he heard a soft grunt and felt chan shiver against his chest that he was brought out of his intense concentration.

instinctively, his arm tightened around chan, willing him not to be disturbed from his slumber. it had been a hard fought battle getting to this place, even just getting the older man to admit that being around someone else helped him sleep. it had taken some serious pouting, needling and stubborn sleepless nights for both of them before chan finally relented.

it had only happened three times so far. the first time had been nearly two weeks ago, felix had forced himself to stay up until chan came home from the studio around 3:30 in the morning (early for him) and pulled the older man down onto the couch to snuggle. like he had anticipated, it had only taken chan about twenty minutes before he was snoozing peacefully against felix’s shoulder. the younger could admit, it wasn’t the most comfortable sleeping arrangement he’d ever had, but chan waking up looking slightly less like a zombie had been worth the kinks in his back.

felix wasn’t dumb, he knew it would be a process after that. and if anything, making himself to vulnerable had pushed chan away at first. with the older finding ways to stay at the studio until sunrise. it was only some thinly veiled criticism from minho during dance practice when chan was nearly dead on his feet that stopped the madness of chan practically living in the studio.

he could chalk it all up to desperation (or maybe it was chan’s inability to resist his natural cuteness) that eventually chan relented. felix stayed up on nights when chan didn’t return before 3 am, he curled up with his phone and sometimes a light snack and just waited in the dark until he heard the sound of the door opening.

tonight, chan hadn’t even bothered with any pretense. felix had gotten comfortable on the floor, his back against the couch and head tilted back as he held his phone up. he barely registered chan coming in, just listening as the older man set down his things and then eventually shuffled over to the couch. automatically, he had made room for the other man between his legs, putting his phone to the side so that chan could lean back against his chest, mussed blonde hair tickling felix’s chin. he had wrapped an arm around the older man, holding him secure. he knew any hesitance on his own part would cause chan to second guess what he was doing, and that was the last thing felix had wanted.

like usual, it didn’t take long for chan to fall asleep, snoring softly, his mouth slightly parted. felix resisted the urge to put his phone down and run his hands through chan’s hair. he wanted to do so much for him. stroke his hair, kiss his cheeks, soothe his sore muscles and whisper praise into the leader’s ears. felix knew chan’s problems ran much deeper than just being unable to sleep, but he knew he would have to go slow and be careful. chan was so sensitive to any perception that he wasn’t fit to lead stray kids, even if it meant sacrificing his own health to prove it.

 _you don’t have anything to prove to us._ felix wanted to tell him. he felt chan shift again, this time a soft whimper accompanying the movement. felix’s brow furrowed, surprised as once chan was out, the leader was usually out for a few hours. he carefully set his phone down on the couch behind him, before securing both arms around chan, pressing his chin down into his curling hair and trying to provide him with as much comfort as he could. he was afraid that any noise might completely rouse chan from sleep.

 _don’t fight it, hyung_. felix bit his lip, waiting. chan wasn’t moving, but the telltale sign of his gentle snoring that indicated deep sleep wasn’t present. taking a risk, felix gently rocked the other man leaning against his chest, moving gently side to side in hopes that it my lull him back to sleep. he wasn’t sure how long it took, but eventually, he felt chan’s body completely melt against his own and he had to hold on carefully to make sure chan didn’t just slip down to the floor.

“there you go, chan hyung.” felix whispered gently into the fluffy hair against his chest. bit his lip, almost cursing himself for speaking, when he felt chan’s head shift ever so slightly.

“thank you, hyungie.”

felix froze, almost convinced the words he had just heard were just a figment of his tired mind’s imagination. but there were no other sounds coming from the dark dorm, it was just the two of them and he had heard the words as clear as day.

“c-chan?” felix asked gently, feeling odd at not adding the honorific but wondering if it might prompt a clue about who chan thought he was speaking with. but apparently, his embrace and gentle words had soothed the older man enough that soon enough he was deep asleep again. leaving felix to wondering in the darkness about the new discovery he had just made and what else there was to uncover.

****


	2. i'll talk to you sweetly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“not a baby.” chan cut him off, but his voice was trembling. he couldn’t even meet felix’s eyes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta, we die like men.
> 
> warnings: some angst, some crying, soft af comfort and a wild mihno appears.

****

felix leaned forward, one elbow on the table as he observed the man sitting beside him. he watched with fondness as chan leaned back in his chair and stretched, a pleased smile on the older man’s lips after just concluding his weekly v-live. for a moment the leader just sat quietly, a small smile on his lips and his eyes closed before he opened them and clapped his hands together.

“another night well spent with stay.” he seemed to be speaking to himself before he turned to felix. “thank you for joining me so last minute. it was a fun surprise for everyone.”

felix chuckled a little, shrugging a shoulder. chan’s room was always fun, even if it cut into rare relaxation time. plus, felix relished any chance he got to hang-out with chan one-on-one, albeit with stay there in a capacity.

that, and he had another reason for coming.

“you ready to head back now?” felix asked, baiting. “we can grab snacks on the way.”

chan hummed as though he were thinking, though his answer was obvious to anyone who knew him as well as his members did. the older man pulled his laptop closer, fingers drumming idly on its surface. “i think i’ll stay for a little bit longer and do some work...”

“ah, then i’ll stay with you.” felix said automatically, leaning back in his chair, his eyes still trained on his leader. he could feel how quickly the air changed, and even saw the sudden tension in chan’s shoulders. “i hate that you have to walk back alone all the time, hyung.”

“it’s not far.” chan said with an awkward laugh. he reached up to nervously tug a few strands of hair peaking from beneath his black beanie. “you should go get some rest, felix.”

“not without you.”

“felix...”

the younger man swallowed thickly, he never ever talked to the older man, his leader, like this. but recently the only way to get through to him was to be firmer. as uncomfortable as it was at first, it worked and chan actually listened.

he reached out and gently took chan’s hand, where it had begun tugging at the curls sticking out from beneath the hat. chan looked nervous, even a little scared as his eyes watched felix’s smaller hand hold his gently.

“you got four whole hours last night.” felix said quietly, using his thumb to massage the back of chan’s hand. “you slept like a baby in my arms.”

he smirked at the last comment, intending to lighten the mood - but instead chan’s eyes widened fractionally and the older man leaned away. the tension in the air grew oddly thick and felix’s brows drew together in confusion. what could have set him off about what he had just said?

“when i said ‘baby’ i just meant--”

“not a baby.” chan cut him off, but his voice was trembling. he couldn’t even meet felix’s eyes.

felix blinked once, then two more times for good measure. he had never heard chan sound like this. even when the older man was doing aegyo, he never sounded this small. the memory of last night came back to him.

_“thank you, hyungie.”_

chan had muttered it in almost the same soft, child-like tone.

felix sucked in a sharp breath. “channie?”

chan ducked his head suddenly and tried to snatch his hand away from where felix was still holding him. but the younger man held tight, refusing to let his leader retreat into himself. before long, chan’s shoulders began to shake and in the mellow light of the small studio, chan started to cry.

in an instant, felix stood and went to wrap chan in his arms, desperately wishing they were in a more comfortable position so that he could properly comfort him, but for now, this would do. he pressed his cheek to chan’s head and held him tight, letting the other man’s quiet sobs be muffled by sweatshirt.

\- - -

chan cried for nearly an hour, his sobs never grew louder, but felix’s soaked sweater was a testament to just how badly chan’s emotions had spilled out. eventually chan stopped, and felix helped him cleaned his face with some wet tissues. they did their best to pat at the swelling and redness around chan’s eyes. chan was unusually quiet, but compliant as he let felix tidy him up and then pack up his laptop. he seemed dazed, and exhausted in a way that didn’t just come from his lack of sleep.

felix tried not to let the worry show on his face, putting on a gentle smile as he helped chan slip into his zippered hoodie. he’d come here hoping to get more insight, and while he’d certainly got something, it just led to even more questions. it was obvious, he wouldn’t be getting anything more out of chan that night though.

they walked back to the dorm together, felix couldn’t bring himself to let go of chan’s hand the entire way back, grateful for the cover of darkness. for his part, chan didn’t seem to mind, if he was even aware of it at all. he stuck close to felix, his head down as he let the younger man lead him.

felix was somewhat worried about how he would explain chan’s state if anyone was awake when they got back to the dorm. but it was quiet and dark when they arrived, everyone off to their own bunks. he led chan to the room he shared with minho, the other member already in bed, tucked behind his privacy curtain.

felix tried to be quiet, he really did, but he didn’t know chan’s room very well and he ended up stumbling a bit as he pushed chan to sit down on where he knew the bed was. suddenly a lamp flickered on and a very unimpressed minho appeared from behind the curtain. he looked at chan first, then felix, assessing in that quiet, stoic way of his before letting out a sound somewhere between annoyed and accepting.

“its too late for you to have done all this.” minho grumbled, his eyes narrowing. before felix couldn’t even stutter a response, minho slipped out of bed and padded over to chan’s dresser, far to familiar with the state of their leader’s clothing. “here,” he tossed a t-shirt and shorts over to felix.

felix caught them, fumbling a little and blinked dumbfoundedly at the older man. “uh, minho hyung...”

“aahn, its late. get him changed.” minho cut him off, looking at him like he was the one acting strangely. “channie.” minho called as he continued looking through the dresser. “let yongbok get you ready for bed.”

felix twitched a little at the name, but turned to face chan who had been unnaturally quiet the entire time. he was surprised to see chan looking up at him, with tired but trusting eyes. his hands were twisting in the sleeves of his sweatshirt before he started getting undressed.

felix noticed him seeming to struggle, and automatically went to help chan get out of his clothes. perhaps he should have felt more uncomfortable doing this for his leader. but to be honest, he couldn’t help but feel warm satisfaction flooding his chest. this was what he had wanted, to help take care of chan the way he took care of them. holding him at night had been the bare minimum of the ways he wanted to cherish the older man, and he couldn’t help the sense of gratification he got from helping chan get changed for bed.

when chan was changed, felix couldn’t help but reach out a hand to ruffle chan’s messy blonde curls. barely able to restrain himself from coo-ing when the older man leaned into his touch. he’d nearly forgotten minho was in the room when he heard a soft. ‘ch, found it.’

looking up, he saw minho approaching with something in his hand. his eyes widened a little as he watched minho press a dark blue pacifier to chan’s lips, the other taking it almost immediately. felix stepped out of the way as minho ushered chan under the covers, showing a softness that felix rarely saw outside of the videos he posted with his cats. soon enough, chan was curled underneath the covers, sucking quietly on the blue pacifier, his breathing evening out as he fell asleep.

minho let out a sigh which quickly turned into a yawn. felix couldn’t help but marvel at the juxtaposition between his shock at what had just transpired and minho’s unbothered reaction. felix had assumed that things were deeper than what he knew, but this was something completely outside of his wildest imaginations.

and he wanted to know more.

“its late.” minho now looked at him, frowning. “ask about it some other time.”

“ah, yes, hyung.” felix stuttered out, still a little out of his depth. without waiting for him to leave, minho shuffled back to his bed, climbing in and slipping his curtain definitively closed. felix bit his lip before cautiously tip-toeing over to chan and leaning over to press the slightest kiss to his cheek. just as he began to leave, the room when dark and he was left to his own thoughts.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter preview: 
> 
> _it was frustrating as hell, even more so compounded by minho seemingly unwilling to acknowledge what had happened a few nights ago. it was obviously important, and the fact that both older men were just ignoring it made him irritated. because chan wasn’t well. he still didn’t sleep, he barely ate and he was isolating himself even more._


	3. please don't hide from me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“i don't care that you have to use a pacifier to sleep.” felix said calmly, holding his hands in his lap to keep them from reaching out for chan. “if it helps you. theres nothing to be ashamed of.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, chapter one: no angst  
> me, chapter three: okay, but...
> 
> is gonna be a double update tonight because i feel bad abt how sad this chapter is.
> 
> warnings: angst, chan generally not taking care of himself.

****

felix had severely underestimated chan’s ability to absolutely disappear when he wanted to avoid confrontation. perhaps he hadn’t expected it because as a leader, chan had always been upfront with them about things from the beginning. his willingness to put himself and his emotions out there was what made him stand out, so the fact that he was actively avoiding a situation was abnormal.

and it wasn’t like chan was just ignoring him - no, he still spoke with felix during practices, clapped him on the shoulder and ruffled his hair after a job well done. he did fairly well at pretending things were normal enough.

but he was acting strangely in different ways. usually he would scoot over to felix during lunch and make him listen to whichever song he was obsessed with that week. he would linger back with felix on the walk back to the dorm, just to check in and see how he was doing. it was little things, tiny touches and intimate looks that felix sorely missed. 

it was frustrating as hell, even more so compounded by minho seemingly unwilling to acknowledge what had happened a few nights ago. it was obviously important, and the fact that both older men were just ignoring it made him irritated. because chan wasn’t well. he still didn’t sleep, he barely ate and he was isolating himself even more.

it was so bad that eventually, even the other members began to notice. jeongin had wrapped himself around chan one night and asked if the leader was staying for dinner after chan had skipped out for three days in a row. usually chan couldn’t resist the maknae’s dimpled smile and relented. but this time he had patted the boy on the back and pulled out of his arms, giving the vague excuse that he really needed to be in the studio that night.

felix, seungmin and jisung had all been doing various levels of helping in the kitchen and had rather unsubtly stopped to hear chan’s excuse and watch him leave. jeongin was left dumbfounded, blinking as he watched chan go.

“chan hyung has been acting off all week.” seungmin finally spoke up, once they heard the sound of the front door closing. 

“believe it or not, we actually aren’t behind schedule.” jisung added, scratching his head idly and squinting. “theres no reason for him to be staying so late every night.”

“changbin hyung wouldn’t leave him with so much work.” seungmin mused before going back to the pot he was stirring.

“oi!” came jisung’s offended reply, and with that, they returned to the task at hand. unable to do much about their hyung’s situation in the moment.

felix didn’t realize how tightly he’d been gripping the back of one of the dining table chairs until jeongin came up beside him. the younger man leaned in toward him, his face twisted in concern.

“has he told you anything, hyung?” felix wasn’t sure when the last time he’d heard their maknae sound so serious.

the need to downplay everything came to the forefront, but he quickly swallowed the instinct down. that type of thing was how they had gotten into this situation in the first place.

“no, but i’m going to figure it out.” he promised, both to jeongin and himself.

\- - -

minho was rather good at keeping his cool, but apparently even he had his limits. felix couldn’t be sure exactly what it was that had pushed the older man into doing something, but he would be forever grateful that he had. 

it was just after they had come back from vocal lessons, chan had only planned on grabbing something from the refrigerator to take back to the studio with him when minho had called him concerned that he had misplaced his phone charger and he was pretty sure chan was the last to use it. sleep deprivation on chan’s part had probably made the ruse less obvious and chan had dutifully gone to help minho look in their room.

as chan searched, minho slipped out of the room and grabbed felix from where he had just been about to go into the shower.

“h-hyung?” felix tried not to yelp as minho dragged him away from his destination.

“you did research right?” minho spared him a glance. “at least i hope so, since you're always on your phone.”

felix’s brow furrowed, nearly all of them spent an inordinate amount of time on their phone. despite that he nodded affirmative. that night he had googled ‘adult pacifiers’ and come up with... interesting results to say the least. there were holes that he didn’t ever want to go down, and things that he was pretty sure chan wasn’t into. 

“its not gross, or weird.” minho said. “it just helps him. he has a lot of responsibilities and its a way for him to relax.” 

before felix could actually ask what ‘it’ was, minho had shoved him into the room where chan was currently searching behind his bed and then closed the door behind him.

and then it was just the two of them.

it took chan a second to even notice felix standing there watching him. when the leader turned around, he jumped back, nearly bumping his head against the wall before falling heavily onto his bed. he looked absolutely awful. his eyes looked red, the bags underneath dark and his face even paler than normal. even chan’s hair looked like a mess, and the fact that he hadn’t gone through efforts to hide it under a cap or beanie was proof of just how out of it he was.

much like he might approach a frightened animal, felix walked toward him. the way chan’s eyes followed him reminded him of the stray cats minho had taken him to see on a free afternoon. wary, but unwilling to run just yet. felix almost wished he had a treat to tempt chan with, god knew the older man needed the nourishment.

carefully, he sat on the edge of the bed, hating just how cautious he had to be. if this were any other situation he would feel comfortable tackling the older man and cuddling into his chest. but they were in uncharted waters, and he knew it was probably taking everything in chan’s power not to bolt.

“i don't care that you have to use a pacifier to sleep.” felix said calmly, holding his hands in his lap to keep them from reaching out for chan. “if it helps you. theres nothing to be ashamed of.”

chan stared at him, lips slightly parted in shock. for a few moments they just stared at once another, before the leader slow slid forward so that he was sitting directly next to felix. he crossed his legs, curling into himself, hands tucked into the sleeves of his sweater.

“if that was all, i could probably handle it.” chan sounded so bitter, it was almost heartbreaking. “i’m sorry you had to see me like that, felix.”

“don’t be sorry!” felix had to fight to keep the frustration out of his voice. “just - if it helps you, i want to know. if theres more that can help you, i wanna know that too. l-like when you called me hyungie...”

“aah,” chan winced, squeezing his eyes closed. “i had hoped that had been a dream. sorry--”

“stop apologizing.” felix said, a little more firmly this time. “i tried to look it up, and some of the stuff i found seemed sexual--”

“its not!” chan blurted out, absolutely mortified. “its not, i swear its not. its - its... a coping mechanism. a non-sexual one. i, sometimes, i regress.. to a younger age. to have less, feel less... responsibilities. i just have so much...”

felix’s heart squeezed as he listened to chan’s broken explanation and nearly shattered when he heard the older man’s voice crack. the pain was almost palpable, and felix could no longer resist reaching over and placing a hand on chan’s thigh.

“chan hyung, i just want to help.” felix said, leaning in close. “if this is something that can help you, i want to do it. you always do so much for us.”

“s’not your job to help me.”

“then maybe minho hyung....”

“no, not his either.”

felix swallowed, brow furrowed because minho seemed to have a rather good grasp of the situation. the only other option was that chan had been taking care of himself, but judging by just how involved minho seemed to be, felix knew there had to be more to the story.

“maybe... can you at least let me talk to minho hyung about it?” felix asked gently. “i’m not expecting anything from you, but maybe we can figure something out.”

you look terrible, hyung. i’m worried for you. i’m scared.

he didn’t say these things out loud, knowing it would only make chan feel guilty.

chan finally looked up at him, his eyes were wet and glassy, tears threatening to spill. he was shaking and felix reached up to wipe away a tear just as it fell. “y-yeah, okay.”

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter preview:
> 
> _“mmhmm.” mihno nodded, taking another bite of noodles first and chewing thoughtfully before continuing. “channie. hes cute, he likes looking at pictures of sooni, doongi and dori on my phone.”_


	4. i'll learn it all for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“i want to help.” felix stated firmly, trying to look as serious as possible. he had a reputation among the members for being pure, bordering naive and sometimes he worried they didn’t take him seriously._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember how i was going to post two chapters last night but didnt because i fell asleep almost immediately after posting. sorry about that. 
> 
> warnings: chan's bad habits, unexpected sad mihno feelings, cute shit

****

things didn’t magically change from that point on, and felix didn’t get a chance to sit down with minho for quite a few days. during that time though, he was able to get some more indepth research in. stories from littles and caregivers themselves, learning about the varying degrees of regression and the reasons why some people found themselves doing it. it was a fascinating subject, and felix couldn’t help but try and imagine what type of little chan would be.

their leader was already quite affectionate, free with laughter and high energy on his best days. he wondered just how different little chan could be and what it might mean to watch over him.

felix was practically vibrating with anticipation when minho invited him for late night microwave noodles in the older man’s room. if he seemed overeager he couldn’t help it. he had a million questions and they would have plenty of time to talk about it, with chan still keeping late nights in the studio. (changbin and jisung had started going with him to see if they could curb their leader’s habit of staying late into the morning even a little bit).

they settled on the floor, and minho wasted little time giving felix an update on his cats, first and foremost. apparently he sent a text to his mother every day just to make sure his babies were doing well. it was really a testament to how much his mother loved him that she entertained giving him updates every day that basically boiled down to ‘they ate, they slept and they played’.

felix’s leg was practically vibrating by time minho had tapped his chopsticks against the ramen’s paper container.

“ah, so chan hyung...” minho started with a little hum. “did you--”

“i did some more research.” felix blurted out, feeling slightly bad for cutting minho off considering the startled look on the older’s face. “theres a lot, and everything is so different for everyone. does chan hyung have things already? like toys, and clothes and special plates. i saw custom sippy cups and bottles and these--”

“felix, slow down, slow down.” it was minho’s turn to cut him off. he looked somewhat exasperated and leveled him with a narrow gaze. “lets talk about chan hyung, first.”

“r-right... right.” felix took in a deep breath, folding his hands in his lap to keep them from fidgeting. “so you’ve seen him, like that? little?”

“mmhmm.” minho nodded, taking another bite of noodles first and chewing thoughtfully before continuing. “channie. hes cute, he likes looking at pictures of sooni, doongi and dori on my phone.”

he suddenly moved to reach underneath his bed and pulled out a blue box. he rummaged around inside for a bit before pulling out some loose papers and passing them to felix. “channie drew those for me.” he sounded genuinely pleased.

felix took the papers gently, eyes widening as he saw the crude, colorful drawings on the pages. they vaguely looked like cats, but drawn childishly and brightly. each paper was signed clumsily ‘channie’ in the unpracticed handwriting of a child. the drawings were adorable, and nothing like the rather tidy and illustrative designs chan usually did. 

“he made these for you?” felix whispered in awe. everything slid into place and he considered the stark difference between chan hyung’s cartoons and the free-spirited drawings he did when he was little.

“channie likes to draw.” minho said with a shrug, the corner of his mouth lifting in a slight smirk. “it can keep him occupied for hours, hes surprisingly focused just like when hes big.”

felix nodded, running his finger over a patch of orange that had gone outside of the line. wondering at this carefree chan he had never truly seen before.

“he likes coloring, picture books, playing with blocks.” minho listed off. “he likes to cuddle and be held and if you rock him, hes out like a light.”

felix thought back to the night when he’d held the leader in his arms and rocked him to prevent him from waking up. it had worked like a charm, and everything was starting to make sense. he vaguely wondered if chan had been ‘slipping’ then, when he had called felix hyung.

“i want to help.” felix stated firmly, trying to look as serious as possible. he had a reputation among the members for being pure, bordering naive and sometimes he worried they didn’t take him seriously. “chan hyung does so much for us. if this can help him relax, and get some rest. i want to do it.”

“well, it isn’t about what you want.” minho reminded him. something flickered through the older’s eyes that felix couldn’t quite read. it was soft, almost sad. “but maybe if you show him you’re serious about it. he trusts you, after all.”

 _ah._

felix tried not to over analyze what minho was saying, but a picture was beginning to form. minho knew about little chan, and even if he never spelled it out, he was most likely his caregiver in some capacity. they had some rough times a few months ago and felix could really only speculate on what might have caused chan to distance himself from something that obviously made him feel better.

looking at minho’s downcast eyes, and creased brow. felix knew better than to ask at the moment and risk opening old wounds.

\- - - -

later that night, after felix had showered and gotten ready for bed. he camped out in chan and minho’s room to wait for their leader to return from the studio. he spent most of the time playing a racing game on his phone with minho. he hadn’t asked the older to stay up with him, but he had anyway and felix couldn’t help but feel his heart swell with warmth. minho had a reputation for coldness in regards to everything except his precious cats, but it was clear that he was just as worried as felix.

eventually around 4am, they heard the door to the dorm opening quietly. it was quiet for sometime, chan had probably gone to the kitchen, before eventually showing up in the room.

chan looked exhausted, his eyes barely staying open and his hands shakily gripping his laptop bag strap. he couldn’t even feign much surprise at seeing felix sitting on the floor of his room.

“chan hyung!” felix said, surprisingly bright for how early in the morning it was. he immediately scrambled to his feet and went to take chan’s laptop bag.

it was a testament to just how tired the older was that he just let felix take his laptop and put it on the nearby desk. chan blinked rapidly, trying to clear the sleepy fog in his brain, his mouth opening and closing like a fish as he tried to form a coherent sentence.

felix didn’t wait though, he just hurried over again and grabbed chan’s hand, leading him to the bed. he pushed chan to sit down, holding back a smirk when the older man let out a small ‘oof’.

“um,” chan eventually cleared his throat. “felix why’re you awake...?”

“i was waiting for you to get back, like usual.” felix said, raising a single eyebrow. “now how about i help you change and then get you to bed.”

“i’m - what - you shouldn’t...” chan stuttered, blinking to try and clear his head. “felix, you don’t have to do this.”

“of course i don’t have to.” felix said sagely as he reached to pull up chan’s hoodie. “but i very much want to.”

and with that chan was quiet, looking up at felix with tired, confused eyes. still, he didn’t seem to have the fight in him to stop felix from helping him change. it was easy enough to sit docily, letting the other get him out of his clothes and into a thread worn t-shirt. it was easy to comply with shimmying out of his sweatpants, letting felix slide on a pair of rarely worn sleep pants as he more often than not just fell asleep in whatever he had been wearing the day before.

“felix...?” chan asked quietly, once he was all dressed. his head felt light, tiredness mixed with something else familiar. his body tingled with warmth even though the dorm was fairly cool.

felix smiled warmly, reaching out and stroking chan’s hair. “ready for bed, chris?”

the name came naturally as felix was looking down at the older man. he had never seen chan look so open and innocent than in that moment. all of his sleepy, but determined focus was on felix in that moment, like the younger man was the only thing in the world that mattered. felix hadn’t expected to feel like this, the intense warmth and fierce need to protect and cherish.

“uh huh.” chan’s voice took on a lilting, soft tone as he nodded his head. “bed time. tuck in?”

felix barely held back a gasp and he heard the sound of fabric shifting from minho’s side of the room. the older man must’ve heard chan’s change in tone and peaked from behind his curtain to investigate. felix resisted the urge to look back, wanting to keep all his attention on chris.

“of course, chris.” felix near whispered. 

he pulled the covers back on the bed and carefully helped chan lay down. the older man squirmed a little bit before getting comfortable. felix smiled and pulled the covers up to chan’s chin, stroking his hair again as chan stared up at him, eyelids drooping by the second.

felix turned away for a second to pick up chan’s clothes from the floor, knowing that he wouldn’t be happy in the morning if they were lying around. it couldn’t have been much more than a minute by the time he looked back at chan, and by then the other man’s thumb had migrated to his mouth and he was sucking on it quietly.

“oh no, no, no, chris!” felix said hurriedly, going over to gently move chan’s hand. too late, he realized he should have been more prepared when chan’s face scrunched up at having his comfort taken away. “chris, wait, i’ll get--”

“here.” 

minho to the rescue once again, felix could have kissed the older man as he handed felix chan’s pacifier. the younger man took it and then quickly eased it into chan’s mouth, avoiding whatever cry that had threatened to come.

“thats much better, isn’t it, chris-chris?” felix soothed, patting chris’ cheek. he looked over his shoulder at minho who was standing and watching them, his expression surprisingly soft. “thank you minho hyung.”

“t’ank hyungie.” chan’s voice was so quiet, felix could barely hear him. and within moments, the leader’s eyes were closed and his breaths evening out.

felix let out a long breath he was holding, surprised and elated at just how easily things had gone. of course much of it could be attributed to the fact that chan had slept maybe three hours maximum the past few nights and had no strength to argue. but even so, felix was going to count it as a step forward.

looking at minho again, felix was pretty sure the older man agreed.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter preview:
> 
> _“no one is home today.” felix assured him, stroking his hand through the older’s hair. warmth fluttered in his chest as chris leaned into the gentle ministrations, body seeming to relax under his touch. “whatever you want to do, i want to help you, chris.”_


	5. learning through experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _felix bit his lip, trying not to coo at how cute chan was. but as much as he adored the serious, bordering on pouting look on the little’s face. there was no way he was getting away with feeding him plain bread with sprinkles on it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as a not-australian im never going to get over the existence of fairy bread. anyway, this chapter is extremely soft. plz enjoy.
> 
> warnings: soft af, felix ur doing great sweetie, tiny angst

****

chan’s inability to wake up from his phone’s alarm ultimately worked in both felix and minho’s favor the next day. it was easy enough for minho to turn off the alarm before quietly getting himself ready and then leaving chan to get as much rest as he needed. the rest of the day would be up to felix to handle.

the plan was simple enough. chan needed to rest, he needed a _break_. and even if he denied being in little space, the least they could do was give him some quiet to reset himself without the other members’ antics stressing him out. as much as they knew chan loved them, he worried about them so constantly, he barely had time to breathe.

xand so minho had take it upon himself to get the kids out of the dorm and down to practice for most of the day while felix stayed back to spend time with chan.

everyone was out by 10:30, due to no one really wanting to argue with minho and being sympathetic to their leader feeling ‘under the weather’. and that left felix to try and tidy up and get things ready for the day ahead.

in a lot of ways, he was feeling almost... nervous. he had no idea if chan would wake up little, or if it would be something he might have to encourage. or even then, chan might just want to ignore the whole thing and then felix would be fighting to keep his older member from trying to do more work when he should be taking the day off.

felix made sure to check on chan several times throughout the moring, not surprised to still find him dead to the world with each check-in. but around 12:30 was when he finally poked his head into the room and saw chan sitting up in bed, still half under the covers and looking not quite all the way awake yet.

truthfully, chan looked _adorable_. and it took everything in felix’s power not to giggle over the image the older man made. his hair was mussed, the natural curls that chan desperately tried to keep straight all pushed to one side. his shirt was half hanging off of one shoulder, and he could barely keep his eyes open as he blinked blankly into the distance.

felix finally cleared his throat a little before entering the room, unable to keep the smile off his face as chan turned his head to blearily stare up at him.

“time s’it?” chan sounded like he had cotton balls stuck in his mouth.

“about lunchtime.” felix confirmed. he glanced down, seeing something blue out of the corner of his eye, and reached down to pick up the pacifier. it must have fallen out of chan’s mouth in the night. “how’d you sleep?”

chan furrowed his brow, reaching up one hand to rub at his puffy eyes. “too long.” he muttered. “why didn’t you wake me up?”

“you’ve barely slept this week, minho hyung and i thought you deserved a break.”

“m’fine, shouldn’t have.” but there was little bite to chan’s words. suddenly he looked down, his shoulders hunched. “m’sorry, about last night...”

felix blinked, surprised. “sorry for what?”

“acting like... like that, i shouldn’t have--”

“you barely slipped, chan hyung.” felix raised an eyebrow. “and even so i didn’t mind. you were cute.”

feeling confident, felix reached over to ruffle chan’s hair. it was slightly greasy, probably because chan hadn’t been taking care of himself properly the past week. if felix played his cards right, he might be able to convince chan to take a bath and he could help him with his hair situation.

“felix...”

“no one is home today.” felix assured him, stroking his hand through the older’s hair. warmth fluttered in his chest as chris leaned into the gentle ministrations, body seeming to relax under his touch. “whatever you want to do, i want to help you, chris.”

it was like he had said the magic words. chan squirmed a little bit in place, before letting out a long sigh. he peered up at felix from under his lashes, still tired, but eyes a little brighter.

“m’hungry,” he muttered, his voice becoming softer and higher in a way that felix was beginning to associate with his little space. “chris hungry. not eat before.”

“you didn’t eat last night?” felix tried not to let the concern come on too strong. usually chan made some sort of show about grabbing something from the fridge to take to the studio. how long had he just been forgoing it all together and why hadn’t anyone noticed?

“well chris-chris.” felix said, trying not to dwell on the troubling fact. “why don't we get some food into you and then maybe we’ll get you all washed up, hmm?”

“want fairy bread.” chan said suddenly, very determined. he reached out and pulled on felix’s sleeve. “hyungie, fairy bread, p’ease?”

felix bit his lip, trying not to coo at how cute chan was. but as much as he adored the serious, bordering on pouting look on the little’s face. there was no way he was getting away with feeding him plain bread with sprinkles on it.

“i don’t think we have what we need to make that, chris baby.” felix lied through his teeth, hoping that chan believed him. “maybe another day for a special treat.”

felix carefully tugged chan out of bed, making sure to hold his hand tightly. the older wobbled a little bit, but he seemed generally okay, clinging to felix’s arm with both his hands. eventually, felix wanted to work up the courage to try carrying chan, but he could admit he was a little hesitant to do anything drastic, make a mistake and potentially knock chan out his headspace.

“but we’ll find something even better for chris-chris to eat, okay?” felix used his free hand to tap chan gently on the nose, elicitating a giggle from the little.

with that, he led chan to the kitchen, making sure to keep a firm grip on the other’s hand as they walked along, chan toddling along behind him, content to let felix lead. once they got the kitchen, felix settled chan in one of the chairs, biting back a smile at chan’s reluctance to let go of his hand.

“hyungie no leave.” the edge of a whine creeping into chan’s voice. he then leaned forward and rubbed the top of his head into felix’s arm, an action that was both perplexing and adorable to the caregiver.

“hyung has to go get chris food.” felix explained patiently, petting chan’s hair. he lifted the other’s chin slightly, smiling as brightly as possible. “i’ll be right back. you can even see me from here.”

“come with?” chan asked with a tilt of his head.

“n-not this time.” felix cringed at the thought of chan in his current headspace getting around the kitchen. none of them were particularily great at putting things away and chan would be in reach of any assortment of potentially harmful things.

chan pouted, his eyes widening and he looked moments away from trying to argue again. felix just patted his head gently and told him to stay put before hurrying into the kitchen.

perhaps he should have thought it through a little more. but it was his first time doing this for more than just tucking chan in bed. so, he didn’t think twice about gathering what he needed from the refrigerator and cabinets, not even considering checking on chan. instead, he focused on getting the yogurt ready, then slicing up some banana, strawberries and grapes as a side.

it didn’t take that long, but in hindsight, felix should have known that kids could get into trouble in the blink of any eye. which was why when he turned to bring chan’s breakfast to him, he found the seat previously occupied by the little very much empty.

“c-chan..?” felix could feel his heartbeat speed up, and he nearly dropped the plate and bowl he was carrying. swallowing thickly, he haphazardly placed the food on the table and then immediately left the kitchen. “cha-- chris! chris-chris, where are you?”

luckily, it wasn’t long before he heard the sound of high-pitched giggling and he quickly followed the sound out to the living room. he could have collapsed right there when he saw chan jumping up and down on the couch, a wide grin on his face as he giggled with each successful landing. it was only when he saw chan stumble a bit that felix realized just what a terrible idea this was and rushed in.

“chris, you need to get down from there!” his tone brokered no argument, and to his relief the little stopped bouncing and instead stood looking down at him curiously. “c’mon, baby, thats way too dangerous for you to be doing.”

“but is fun!” chan giggled a little and gave a tiny one-footed hop. the awkwardness caused him to slip and fall onto his bottom on the cushions. the surprise seemed to spook him and he stared up at felix with wide eyes, threatening to brim with tears.

“see? what if you fell on the floor next time?”

chan wrinkled his nose a little, shaking his head stubbornly, but his eyes were still obviously wet. felix sighed, and sat on the couch. before he could even lean over, chan was scrambling into his lap, clinging to the other man for dear life.

“you scared me chris baby.” felix rubbed chan’s back. “i thought something might have happened to you.”

“just wanted to play.” chan mumbled, rubbing his face into felix’s shoulder. “p’ease no be mad at chris.”

“of course not.” felix assured him, rocking him slightly. “but how about you stick close to hyung for the rest of the day, okay? you can be my little helper.”

chan gasped a little and leaned back so that he could look at felix. all tracesof sadness and threatening of tears gone. he nodded eagerly. “chris wanna help!”

“good!” felix grinned, happy that things seemed to be resolved. “but we can’t do anything on an empty tummy.” he reached down to tickle chan’s stomach, causing the little to squirm and giggle. felix couldn’t help but let out a happy, relieved sigh, before leading chan back to the kitchen.

\- - - -

after felix helped chan eat (and boy was that an adventure felix hadn’t quite prepared for), he found some activities they could do together. chan seemed to be hyper-focused on the idea of ‘helping’ felix and so he didn’t have any interest in coloring or playing with the few toys he’d collected.

instead, he wanted to help felix clean up. and so with careful guidance, felix helped the little soap and wash each dish one at a time, holding the other’s hands so that he didn’t let them slip. next, they tidied up in the living room, straightening the pillows and putting away any objects that the members had left lying around. the last bit was cleaning up chan and minho’s room, felix figured it was the least he could do for the older man after everything he’d done for them.

eventually though, felix got a text from minho letting him know they’d be back soon. he glanced over at chan, who was not-so-gently fluffing his own pillow in a way that seemed to be making things worse. felix bit his lip, hating the idea of getting chan out of his headspace - but at the same time he didn’t think this was really the time to let everyone know about chan’s regression.

“hey chris baby.” felix kneeled down next to where chris was on his knees,patting his pillow. “did you have a fun day with hyung?”

chan turned to him so fast, felix thought he might give himself whiplash. a bright, smile broke out on the little’s face as he nodded enthusiastically.

“had the _best_ day with hyungie!” chan almost yelled, launching himself into felix’s arms. “chris help with dishes, an’ in- at.. with pillows!”

“you were such a good helper today, chris.” felix squeezed him tight, tucking his chin over chan’s shoulder. “but you know, everyone is going to be home soon. and your not ready to meet them yet, are you?”

chan stilled in felix’s arms, and the younger man couldn’t help but feel awful. it felt like a spell was broken and he could feel chan’s arms around him loosen a little. biting his lip, felix moved back so he could see chan’s face. the other’s face, which had previously been so open was suddenly shadowed.

“chris...”

chan reached up and rubbed at his eyes with one hand. “n-not yet...” he looked away and then sat back, putting distance between him and felix. the younger man tried to ignore the ache in his heart as chan whispered quietly. “no, not yet.”

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter preview:
> 
> _“chan h-hyung?” jeongin’s voice came out nearly a squeak and that got the little’s attention._


	6. make new friends - pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“is he little now?” panic almost began coursing through felix at the thought of chan all alone and regressed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayo, another chapter!! glad that everyone is enjoying themselves so far. imma try and catch up with comments soon. really appreciate it.
> 
> warnings: soft af, chan deserves the world, protective minho, a wild in appears

****

it would have been nice to say that everything was perfect from then on, but life rarely worked out that way. especially in their case, being extremely busy as they were. not to mention chan’s insecurities weren’t going to magically disappear just because he had a few good hours with felix. they didn’t even talk about it really. instead, chan tried to make adjustments to his poorer habits, eating more often and coming back to the dorm at a slightly more reasonable time. he still looked exhausted, but a little less like the walking dead.

felix knew he couldn’t push the issue, even if he personally thought it would benefit chan to drop more often. instead, he tried to be patient, pouring his efforts into researching more about age-regressors and their care. going over their interaction and trying to think of what he could do better next time.

it took another week and a half before chan dropped again. the rest of the 00-liners had decided to go out for dinner, and sort of half-thinking felix declined the invite. instead, they dragged changbin with them, insisting that the older boy buy. felix figured he could do some de-stressing of his own and play some league of legends before bed.

he wandered out of his room in search of some quick to snack on, surprised to see minho in the kitchen pouring himself some juice. he flashed a smile at the older man as he headed toward the cabinets.

“i think your baby is awake.” minho said suddenly, closing the door to the refrigerator.

“what?!” it was only when felix turned around in surprise that he noticed the cup that minho was holding was definitely not one of their ordinary ones. it was light blue with green patterns. despite its size, felix instantly recognized it as a sippy cup. his eyes widened in realization and all thoughts of snacks or games fled his mind.

“is he little now?” panic almost began coursing through felix at the thought of chan all alone and regressed.

“he just woke up, but he has this look.” minho waved a hand in front of his own bland expression. “that he gets sometimes when he needs to drop.”

minho looked down at the sippy cup in his hands before walking the few steps to felix and pushing it into his hands. “i think you’ll have more luck with him than me.”

“hyung…” felix said softly, unsure of what else he could say. no matter how aloof minho acted, felix knew something about the situation was bothering him. unfortunately, he didn’t have time to figure it out at the moment.

instead, he hurried to minho and chan’s room, practically sliding on his sock clad feet. he knocked once before entering, to see chan sitting up in his bed, hands twisted in his comforter while he looked down at his lap. quietly, felix approached him, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“hey sleepyhead, how are you feeling?”

chan’s nose scrunched up adorably and he lifted his head a little to look at felix from underneath his bangs. his eyes seemed a little glassy, and tired, but there was none of the usual fear in them.

“hey, i brought you some—“

“juice for channie?” chan’s eyes suddenly lit up as he zero’d in on the blue cup in felix’s hands.

felix smiled brightly, that certainly answered the question of what headspace chan was in at the moment. he moved closed and held out the cup, making sure that chan held onto it with both hands. felix couldn’t help but rub the little’s back soothingly as he drank greedily from his sippy cup.

“someone was certainly thirsty.” felix mused as chan finally stopped to take a few deep breaths. “did you have a nice nap, chris chris?”

chan shrugged a shoulder and felix understood that his little space probably couldn’t comprehend exactly why chan had felt bad enough that he needed to lay down when he would usually be up trying to do work. it didn’t matter, felix was just happy to have him home at a reasonable time, and with few people in the dorm, it was as safe a time as ever to get some play time in.

“hey, why don’t you show hyung your toys?” felix said excitedly, taking chan’s hands. he actually wasn’t sure all of what chan had for when he was in little space.

“okie, hyungie.” chan smiled brightly and passed his sippy cup off to felix. he stumbled his way out of the bed, adorably unsteady at first before going over to his dresser drawers. he opened one and rummaged around before pulling out a pad of paper and a small pack of crayons. “these channie’s colors!” he announced proudly.

“very nice.” felix said, nodding in encouragement.

enthused by his response, chan began digging some more. he pulled out two more pacifiers, a small bag with a set of blocks and finally a bright yellow blanket with a duckie hood. chan hugged the blanket to his chest, twisting at the waist. “this is blankie, he’s soooo soft! hyungie feel!”

with that, chan rushed over to felix and held up the blanket for him to inspect.

for his part, felix could only swallow down the emotions threatening to overcome him. he’d read so much about all the things that littles had for when they were in headspace. different toys, stuffies, clothes and even themed utensils and plates. chan had so little, probably because he had to hide it. felix wanted to give him everything. fill his bed with tens of stuffed animals and buy him the cutest little onesies. he wanted to give him the whole world.

he gently took the blanket in his hands and rubbed it against his cheek. it smelled faintly of vanilla, and was soft to the touch. chan’s one comfort item, stuffed in the back of his drawer like a shameful secret.

“lixie hyungie?” chan’s voice suddenly seemed closer. “hyungie sad? don’t cry!”

felix almost didn’t catch chan in time as the little suddenly launched himself onto the his lap. he felt chan press his face into the crook of his neck, holding him tightly as though trying to squeeze the sadness out of him. felix smiled, even as he felt a few tears fall.

“i’m okay, chris baby.” felix said, rocking him a little. “i’m just so happy to be with you. can you show me how you play with your blocks?”

\- - -

felix should have known the night was going far too smoothly for them not to have a little bit of ‘excitement’. he’d been a somewhat apprehensive when minho eventually returned to the room, not knowing how chan might react. but little chan _adored_ minho and immediately wanted to chat a mile a minute and ask a million questions about his cats. and minho seemed just as pleased, the bright smile he so rarely wore was on full display for little chan as he showed off pictures of his cats and let chan cuddle into his side.

it honestly took all of felix’s willpower not to take a photo of the two of them.

soon enough, chan settled into coloring, as felix helpfully cleaned up the abandoned blocks. minho sat next to chan, scrolling through his phone while occasionally commenting on chan’s use of colors.

“minho hyung, do you want to order food?” felix eventually asked, noting that it was getting late and he was fairly certain chan hadn’t eaten since earlier.

before minho could answer him, the door opened rather violently and jeongin appeared in the doorway, looking a little flustered.

“hyungs! there you are, it was so quiet i thought—“

felix could tell the exact moment when the youngest member realized something was off. jeongin’s eyes slowly zero’d in on chan’s drawings, the crayons held awkwardly in the leader’s hand.the silence that fell was almost suffocating — except for chan humming blissfully unaware of himself.

“chan h-hyung?” jeongin’s voice came out nearly a squeak and that got the little’s attention.

chan looked up, his eyes wide and he was completely still for a moment. and then the crayon in his hand snapped.

“out!” minho was on his feet in an instant, marching toward jeongin, a stormy expression on his face.

meanwhile, felix gathered chan to his chest, trying to stop the trembling going through the older man’s body. he could hear chan’s heart racing and he looked near the verge of tears.

“no, no, no, no.” chan’s voice was so horrified, beginning to drift from its high, playful tone to its normal register. felix, desperate to keep him calm, brought the older man’s head into his neck trying to rock him as he whispered gentle assurance in his ear.

“sssh, baby, its okay. it’s okay.” felix said, trying to keep his own voice steady. “your okay, minho hyung and i are going to take care of it. you’re going to be okay.”

\- - -

“i didn’t mean to—“

“just because everyone else lets you get away with everything, doesn’t mean you can go barging into places without knocking!” minho’s normally calm tone was raised slightly. if it was anyone else, he would sound quite calm, but jeongin knew better.

“i just wanted to ask if i could borrow chan hyung’s laptop!” joengin tried to explain, holdings his hands up in defense. “and he wasn’t answering. neither was felix hyung, so i…”

minho glared at him, daring him to try and make an excuse for why he just walked into their room without permission. eventually jeongin bowed his head, offering up a quiet apology and rubbing his arm awkwardly. he genuinely did seem sorry, and he wasn’t freaking out so that was a good sign.

“hyung..” jeongin eventually lifted his head. “is… is chan hyung alright?”

minho tilted his head a little considering the younger man. he could see the genuine concern written on the maknae’s face and it was hard for even him to keep his anger in place. just like the rest of them, jeongin worried about how their leader tended to overwork himself. in a lot of ways, he was the only other person who would call chan out for how much he overdid it, being able to get away with it being the youngest.

with a sigh, minho relaxed back onto his heels. “he’s fine. he’s just… relaxing.”

jeongin bit his lip. “does hyung ‘relax’ often?”

“it’s really not my place to say more.” minho said. “but it would be preferable if you kept what you saw to yourself.”

the youngest furrowed his brow. “he wasn’t doing anything weird. he was just coloring. it was… cute?”

minho raised an eyebrow, contemplating. there were two options. insist that jeongin just ignore what he saw and keep it to himself. or see if maybe they could integrate things a little more.

“would you like to talk to him?”

jeongin’s eyes widened, a twinkle coming to them suddenly. “of course, chan hyungs almost never home around this time.”

it was obvious jeongin hadn’t quite understood what he’d seen. but his enthusiasm was encouraging. minho ran a hand through his hair before gesturing to the living room couch. “take a seat, i’ll see if channie is up for it.”

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter preview:
> 
> _and with that, chan giggled around his pacifier, the blue soother slipping out, and on instinct, jeongin reached up to catch it before it could hit the ground. “chris knows innie hyungie!”_


	7. make new friends - pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> catch me being late on an update. oh well, loving the response from people. glad ya'll are having fun and i hope no one was too worried.
> 
> warnings: best maknae i.n., soft hours, minho suffers™

****

by the time minho had returned to the room, it seemed felix had managed to keep chan from freaking out. the younger man was holding chan in his lap, having wrapped his duck blanket around him and given him a pacifier to suck on. his eyes were still open, so he wasn’t quite asleep, but he seemed at peace at the very least.

biting his lip, he briefly wondered if he was making a mistake. they had managed to get chan to a place where he wasn’t actively rejecting his age regression. even if it took a little coaxing, chan was obviously happy when he was able to let all his stress go. they could continue like this, keep it their little secret for just the three of them.

but.

chan deserved so much more. and minho might be a little odd, and maybe his thought process was a little different than most. but he couldn’t imagine the rest of the members just outright rejecting something that made chan so happy.

he crouched down beside felix and chan, smiling lopsidedly as felix looked at him. in that moment, the younger man looked so vulnerable, worried about chan and scared of what it could mean for them. minho hoped that his expression looked reassuring enough.

“channie?” minho said softly, trying to draw the little’s attention. it took a moment, but he turned to look up at minho, a questioning look in his eyes. “theres someone who’d like to meet you. if you feel up to it.”

he heard felix gasp a little. “minho hyung—“

“its innie.” minho stressed. “i don’t think he’ll mind.”

felix bit his lip, his hold on chan tightening a little. he looked down at chan, who was gazing at minho curiously. with a sigh, he asked. “what do you think, chris? would you like to meet i.n.?”

chan’s eyes flickered downwards for a moment, and then looked back up at felix. then finally he nodded slowly. “wanna meet i-innie hyungie.”

minho’s smile widened and he reached over to tousle chan’s blonde hair. glancing at felix, who still looked unsure, he reassuringly squeezed the younger’s shoulder. it was sweet, just how protective felix was of chan, and minho would do anything in his power to make sure things went as smoothly as possible.

after coaxing chan to stand up, minho lead the way out of the room. he entered the living room as casually as possible, seeing jeongin sitting with his legs crossed on the couch. the younger startled a little when he finally noticed minho, before trying to look around him to see where chan was. minho made his way over to the center of the room, trying not to let his own nerves betray him as he watched felix lead chan out by the hand.

chan was curled close to felix’s back, duck blanket wrapped around him and pacifier still in his mouth. it was obvious he was nervous, with how his head was bowed and his feet slid across the floor. to be honest, felix didn’t look much better in the moment, especially when he spotted jeongin waiting for them.

“chan hyung?” jeongin sat up straight. his automatic smile drifted into confusion as he truly took in his leader’s demeanor. “…is he.. is he okay?”

maybe it was how genuinely concerned jeongin sounded, because felix nodded, a timid smile gracing his face. hes squeezed chan’s hand. “chris, do you want to say hi?”

jeongin glanced at minho, whose eyes were locked on chan. he had questions, but absolutely no idea how to form them. instead, he let his gaze drift back to chan, hoping that something would start making sense.

eventually, chan shuffled from his hiding place behind felix, head still bowed and unable to look anyone in the eye. his hands twisted in the edge of his blanket as he took a few steps forward. “hi innie hyungie.” he mumbled softly around his soother, before glancing back at felix for reassurance.

“hyungs, why is he—“

“this is channie.” felix suddenly found his voice, fixing the youngest with a firm stare. he had to be strong for chan’s sake. “can you tell i.n. how old you are, baby?”

chan looked at the ground, before shyly holding up his free hand, displaying all five fingers and then a single one after.

for a moment, the room fell silent and felix could see chan starting to tremble as he sensed the tension in the room. finally, jeongin’s eyes seemed to brighten, a soft smile graced his face. he got up and walked carefully over to chan, not wanting to scare him by moving to suddenly. it was adorable, how chan peeked up at him from under his unruly bangs, wide eyes nervous but achingly trusting.

“hi channie hy—“ jeongin cut himself off quickly, blushing slightly at the mistake. “channie. my name’s innie.”

and with that, chan giggled around his pacifier, the blue soother slipping out, and on instinct, jeongin reached up to catch it before it could hit the ground. “channie knows innie hyungie!”

“oh?” jeongin raised an eyebrow in surprise. he couldn’t help but be charmed when chan nodded his head enthusiastically. still shy, but obviously warming up to the new presence.

“i’ll hold onto that.” felix sounded incredibly relieved as he took the pacifier from the youngest. he then squeezed chan’s hand. “would it be okay if innie played with us for a while? you can show him what you were coloring.”

“ooh, i’d love to see that!” jeongin’s smile brightened, and he clapped his hands together excitedly. “maybe minho hyung will order us late night snacks?”

with that, all three of them looked over to minho who had been quietly observing the whole time. for a moment, he looked startled before he crossed his arms over his chest. but with three pairs of puppy dog eyes on him, there was no way he could refuse. that, and he was in the mood for food himself. sighing good naturedly, he nodded his agreement, unable to keep a smile off his face as the others cheered.

\- - -

“chaannie.” jeognin coo-ed as he peered at the picture the little was drawing. “can you draw one for me next? minho hyung already has so many.”

channie giggled a little from his spot between felix’s legs. his caregiver was wrapped around him, head on chan’s shoulder as he watched chan finish up another picture of minho’s cats. he was still feeling a little raw from earlier, the fear of what could have been making him pensive and just wanting to hold onto chan and never let him go.

luckily, jeongin had no problem filling the silence, easily slipping into older brother mode as he lay on his stomach next to chan. alternating between eating pizza and complimenting the little on his drawings.

minho had stuck to his promise and ordered them pizza. felix managed to coax chan into eating at least two slices, even while the little was distracted. more interested in showing off his coloring and duckie blanket to his new friend than filling his stomach.

“aah, maknae, i ordered you pizza.” minho glared at him from his bed, but it had no heat. he seemed content after eating and happy to see chan opening up again. “felix, i think it might be time for bed soon.”

the younger man looked up suddenly, looking a little surprised at being addressed. he looked tired, the excitement of the night finally getting to him. but it was getting late, and they should really all be getting to bed since they had a full day of work ahead of them.

jeongin yawned, used to going to sleep the earliest out of all of them. “does channie have cute duckie pajamas to go with his cute duckie blanket?” his tone was teasing as he reached over to tickle chan’s side.

“nooooo…” chan wiggled away from jeongin’s fingers, cuddling back into felix’s chest. “channie wears big boy clothes to bed.”

felix glanced over chan’s head to minho wonderingly and the older man just shrugged a shoulder. ordering special clothes for chan when he regressed could potentially draw unwanted attention, the more things he had. the harder it would be to hide things from prying eyes.

“that’s too bad.” jeongin pouted a little, but then reached over to pinch chan lightly, sending him into another fit of laughter. “channie is still cute either way.”

“chris baby, i think it might be time for bed.” felix said, rubbing the little’s stomach. “do you want to thank innie hyung for spending time with you?”

chan nodded and to felix’s surprise, pulled out of his hold and crawled over to jeongin. chris grinned at him toothily, before butting his head against jeongin’s arm and rubbing back and forth. jeongin looked up at felix quizzically, but the other man just shrugged. it was something little chan did to show affection.

“thank you innie hyung.” chan said sweetly and then carefully hugged jeongin’s arm, as though he wasn’t quite sure it would be allowed.

“channie, thank youuu.” jeongin couldn’t resist it anymore, he had to sit up and wrap the little in a tight hug. mouthing ‘he’s so cute’ over chan’s shoulder at felix. “next time, you’ll draw for me right? i’ll even bring you snacks.”

“alright, get out. take the boxes with you.” minho huffed, reaching over to nudge jeongin with his foot. “get to bed, innie.”

for a moment jeongin looked like he was contemplating not letting chan go, but with a sigh he did, looking over at minho innocently. “thank you for food, minho hyung.”

“t’anks for food, yunho hyungie.” chan chirped at minho, grinning.

“uhh—“ jeongin covered his mouth as he tried to stop himself from laughing, while felix just looked perplexed.

“chris, thats minho hyung.” felix tried to correct gently, but chan just tilted his head as though he’d said something bizarre.

and with that, jeongin couldn’t hold it in anymore. he laughed the entire time he collected the pizza boxes and napkins, eyes practically closed as he stuttered out his goodnights and left the remaining three to their devices.

chan meanwhile picked up the pictures he had finished for the night and toddled over to minho, holding them up proudly for him to see. “yunho hyungie likes?”

minho glared over chan’s shoulder daring felix to say a word, before looking back at chan and smiling softly. nodding, he pulled the little into his arms, rubbing his cheek on the top of chan’s head. “thank you, channie. i love them.”

he closed his eyes for a moment, so relieved and happy that everything had worked out. he had taken a gamble, but the reward had been well worth the risk. having more people accept little channie, would help chan accept himself. when he looked up again, felix was finishing up cleaning up the crayons, smiling tenderly at the both of them. he couldn’t help but send a watery smile right back.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter preview: 
> 
> _“yes, well…” felix finally reached the building and let himself with his card. “he texted me a little while ago. he’s alright?”_
> 
> _“oh yeah, yeah.” jisung said, but then suddenly he heard something loud fall, making an alarming thump. “chan hyung! be careful. changbin hyung, stop encouraging him! hey, thats—-!”_


	8. one, two, three - racha pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“no!” chan yelled his eyes wide. but felix could have cursed, because that lilting his pitched tone could only mean one thing. “we can’t, we have to- to- have to finish!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these next two parts are my fave, tho. because im biased as fuck for 3racha.
> 
> warnings: chan please, felix doing His Best, stan 3racha

********

**chan hyung** ❤️

1:15am

felix, i might need your help

**felix**

1:15am

????

are you still at the studio?

are you okay?

**chan hyung** ❤️

1:19am

i’m fine.

_chan hyung_ ❤️ _is typing…._

1:28am

i shouldn’t have bothered you.

get some rest.

**felix**

1:30am

are you okay?

what do you need?

?????

chan hyung answer!!!

1:33am

are you slipping?

chan hyung.

i’m coming over there.

felix cursed under his breath as he walked briskly toward the studio, not exactly thrilled to be out to late at night and wondering if he shouldn’t have asked minho to come with him. the truth was, he had sort of panicked when chan refused to answer any of his texts or calls, and eventually he’d given up, gathered a bag and decided to go investigate in person.

he had no real reason to believe that chan was starting to slip into little space, other than the fact that chan said that he ‘needed’ him. unless chan had lost some recordings and needed him to do some studio work, there was no other reason why chan would ‘need’ him. there was also the fact that jisung and changbin were both with him, meaning that _if_ chan was slipping, he would do it in front of his fellow producers and that could end rather badly for everyone.

not that felix thought that jisung or changbin wold be mean about it. but suddenly dealing with their leader acting like a child - _a literal child_ \- wasn’t going to go over well for anyone.

suddenly struck with an idea, felix pulled out his phone and dialed jisung, praying that the other would pick up.

“felix-aaah, your calling me so late! do you miss me? i know its been a while since you’ve seen my handsome face.

felix was surprised at how chipper and awake jisung sounded for someone who notoriously kept a feline-esque sleep schedule. in fact, felix could vaguely hear loud music playing in the background, far too hype for such a late hour.

“hey han.” felix answered, trying not to sound so concerned. “is chan hyung with you?”

“of course he is. he’s surprisingly energetic.” jisung’s tone landed somewhere between amused and worried. “is everything okay?”

“yes, well…” felix finally reached the building and let himself with his card. “he texted me a little while ago. he’s alright?”

“oh yeah, yeah.” jisung said, but then suddenly he heard something loud fall, making an alarming thump. “chan hyung! be careful. changbin hyung, stop encouraging him! hey, thats—-!”

felix could hear when jisung dropped his phone and then the sound of yelling and laughing in the background. felix tried to make out chan’s voice, trying to see if he could gauge where he was, but to no avail. luckily, it didn’t take long for him to get to the studio where 3racha usually worked and he knocked somewhat urgently on the door.

felix leaned in, even through the thick door, he could hear music blaring and laughter from within. suddenly, the door was opened and jisung poked his head out, just enough to see who it was. his face going from suspicious to surprised as he recognized felix.

“oi! you didn’t say you were coming here!” jisung then turned and called over his shoulder. “chan hyung! why didn’t you tell felix you were fine?!”

“han, stop being weird and let him in!”

felix recognized changbin’s voice a little farther into the room. jisung looked at him sheepishly, and he seemed to almost hesitate before opening the door more so that felix could slip inside. what greeted the blonde was… not what he expected to see.

papers littered the floor, there was a wet spot suspiciously underneath the desk with napkins haphazardly placed on it. _‘wow’_ was blasting from chan’s laptop and up on the table was none other than bang chan himself, moving rather un-rhythmically to the objectively awful song while changbin cheered him on from the side.

it took felix a few moments of gaping like a fish before he turned to jisung, seemingly the only one who hadn’t completely lost control, a questioning look in his eyes. but before he could ask _anything_ chan let out a bubbly laugh, seemingly just noticing felix there.

“lix!” his voice was high, and excited, even as he still danced. “your here!”

“i sure am.” felix said dumbfounded, and a little lost. but then chan let out a giggle, and he was snapped back to reality. chan was up on the table, chan was _slipping_ and he was up on the table. “chan hyung, you need to get down!”

“booo, felix, we’re just having fun!” changbin crowed from his place straddling the back of a chair.

normally felix would agree, but he’d witnessed just how uncoordinated little chan could be. “ _chan hyung_.”

jisung, seemingly recognizing that felix was getting concerned, waved his hands toward chan. “ah, your worrying felix-ah, lets wrap it up before he gets upset.”

to everyone’s surprise, chan stomped his foot rather hard, causing a metal water bottle to fall and chan’s laptop to jump. changbin cursed, moving fast enough to grab the laptop and jisung nearly jumped out of his skin.

felix’s mouth set in a hard line and he narrowed his eyes. “chris, get down _now._ ”

the juxtaposition between the tension between the four of them and ‘for you’ beginning to play was off-putting to say the least.

the stand off lasted a few moments before chan’s eyes widened, the tips of his ears turning red as he jumped down from the table, landing heavily and wobbling slightly. he looked embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly and not able to meet felix’s eyes.

“you never answered my text.” felix said carefully. “are you okay?”

“might have gotten a little carried away.” chan winced. “sorry.”

“hey, hey…” jisung spoke up, laughing a little awkwardly. “we were just taking a break, and—“

felix turned a sharp eye on him, looking more serious than jisung had ever seen him look before. suddenly, he was very aware that something else was going on between the two of them that he hadn’t the faintest clue about.

“i’m no mad, you just worried me.” felix walked the few steps separating them and took chan’s hand. “your really okay?”

chan shrugged a shoulder. “work was hard today.”

“why didn’t you come home?” felix asked quietly. “you don’t need to force yourself to stay here.”

felix watched as chan’s eyes flickered from jisung to changbin. right, there was no way he would let the two of them stay up and do work without him. not because he didn’t trust them, but because he was their leader and it was his job to be there no matter what. breaks were for the weak, and he had to be strong for them.

“changbin hyung, han-ah.” felix raised his voice a little. “you don’t mind if we all head back early do you?”

felix watched as jisung and changbin looked at each-other, clearly confused, but nodded anyway.

“we got stuck anyway, might as well sleep on it.” changbin added.

“no!” chan yelled his eyes wide. but felix could have cursed, because that lilting his pitched tone could only mean one thing. “we can’t, we have to- to- have to finish!”

“i don’t think your in the right headspace to finish right now.” felix said quickly, wondering if there was a way he could stop chan from slipping, and then immediately balked at the idea. chan’s eyes were wide and shiny, frustrated tears threatening to fall from tired eyes. felix couldn’t ignore it, not when chan looked so lost and in need of comfort. without another word he pulled chan into a tight hug, one hand reaching up to cup the back of the older’s head. he knew as soon as chan buried his face in his neck that he’d made the correct choice.

felix wasn’t surprised by how quickly jisung was at chan’s side, putting a hand on his back. he looked concerned, and his eyes flickered up to look at felix questioningly. changbin was out of his seat soon after, a bit more cautious in his approach, though it was probably because he didn’t want to overwhelm chan more than anything.

“felix? is everything okay? h-he seemed fine this whole time.” jisung’s voice took on a high note of concern, but he continued to steadily rub chan’s back.

“he’s just stressed, and really tired.” felix tried to sound reassuring. he could feel wetness on his neck as chan quietly cried, his body trembling slightly in the younger member’s hold. he was probably holding back for all of their sake.

“i told him we should have gone back to the dorm to sleep on it.” changbin ran a hand through his hair, brow furrowed. “han, help me grab our stuff and we can walk back together.”

jisung nodded furiously, though he seemed to hesitate before leaving chan’s side. felix couldn’t have been more grateful as he watched the two clean up the studio efficiently and quickly, while he rocked chan, trying to soothe him.

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter preview:
> 
> _“he’s literally an angel.” jisung sounded awed, tightening his hold slightly on chan and making the little laugh. apparently he’d forgotten the whole standing on the table incident from earlier._


	9. one, two, three - racha pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _felix swallowed thickly, rubbing chan’s back in an attempt to comfort them both. “its a little complicated.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and i oop. got off schedule a bit accidently. ah well. if you see any mistakes, i didnt get to go over this one as much. once again, no beta - we die like men. please enjoy.
> 
> warnings: 3racha is love, fluff, soft af, no really i love them all

it was dark and quiet by the time they arrived back at the dorm. jisung quickly got the lights, while felix led chan over to the couch. it was a testament to just how upset and exhausted chan was, that he didn’t fight it when felix sat down and pulled the older onto his lap. instead, chan immediately cuddled into his chest, pressing his face against felix’s neck, his hands fisting in the younger’s sweatshirt.

jisung joined them a few moments after, having put down their bags and shrugged off his own light coat. he sat gingerly next to felix on the couch, biting his lip.

“chan hyung?” jisung tried quietly, but received no answer. “felix-ah, are you _sure_ he’s okay?”

felix swallowed thickly, rubbing chan’s back in an attempt to comfort them both. “its a little complicated.”

before he could continue changbin arrived, holding a glass of water. he sat on felix’s other side, and held out the drink uncertainly. felix grimaced a little and tried to use his shoulder to encourage chan to look up, but the other stubbornly refused, pressing his face even tighter into the crook of felix’s shoulder.

“thanks changbin hyung, maybe he’ll be up to it in a little while.” felix said, trying to sound reassuring considering how concerned the older member looked. he took a deep breath, bouncing chan a little in his arms before he spoke. “i guess, i should start by telling you that chan hyung… he’s, um, not really in an adult headspace right now.”

jisung and changbin’s looks couldn’t have been more confused if they tried and felix wanted to groan. part of him wished that minho was there to help explain it, the older wouldn’t get all flustered about it and would just say it plainly. felix was just going to have to do his best to emulate him.

“he’s an age regressor. it means that if he gets stressed, especially if hes tired. he mentally regresses to a younger age. he behaves just like a kid, it helps him shed some of the responsibilities he has to carry.” felix explained as best as he could. “he’s been really overwhelmed lately, so i’ve been trying to help him.”

both changbin and jisung stayed quiet, processing what felix had just explained before jisung’s eyes widened. “so right now, he’s…?”

felix swallowed and reached a hand up stroke chan’s hair. “chris baby, do you want to say hi to hannie hyung?”

_‘hannie hyung?’_ changbin mouthed at jisung, eyes wide. at first, chan seemed to have decided not to look up, but slowly he turned his head, peering out timidly at jisung. his cheeks were tear-stained and his eyes red from crying but there was a wide-eyed innocence to him that just about jisung melt where he was sitting.

“h-hey chan aa—umh,” jisung said awkwardly, not really sure how he was supposed to address his leader in the moment. but judging from the fact that chan didn’t respond to the lack of honorific, he was on the right track. “how are you feeling?”

chan sniffled a little bit, before rubbing at his nose and eyes clumsily with his fist. “sorry hannie hyungie. “ he turned a little so that he could peak at changbin. “s-sorry binnie hyungie..”

“w-what are you saying sorry for?!” changbin sounded a little flustered, his face going red at being addressed in such a way by his leader.

“baby, you have nothing to be sorry for.” felix whispered gently, stroking chan’s hair. “you didn’t do anything wrong. you're just tired, everyone gets tired.”

jumping quickly into action, jisung let out a huge, overdramatic yawn. “even i get tired, chan. and i’m _never_ tired.”

“hey, don’t lie to him!” changbin said suddenly. “you’d sleep all day if we let you!”

jisung vehemently denied it, and both of them started bickering with one another. they only stopped when chan let out a tiny giggle.

“binnie hyungie an’ hannie hyungie silly.” chan said, smiling a little.

changbin blinked rapidly, before sitting up straighter and rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “i guess we are, kid.” his eyes widened, surprised at how easy it was to refer to chan as such.

“i’m extremely cool.” jisung corrected, but couldn’t help but smile warmly, pleased with being able to make chan smile.

“oh no, chris is right. your both ridiculous.” felix said, smirking a little. he couldn’t help but be relieved though, this was working out much better than he could have hoped for. looking down at chan, he noticed that the little’s thumb had wandered up to his mouth and he was sucking idly on it. “ah, don’t do that baby, thats bad for your teeth.”

“does he have a pacifier?” jisung asked, raising an eyebrow.

“uh, yes, its in his room.” now felix wished minho was here for another reason all together. he was the only other person who knew where chan’s things were. “actually, if you could watch him for a quick moment.”

“say no more!” jisung crowed, quickly holding his arms out for chan.

“tch.” changbin rolled his eyes and folded his arms, trying not to look annoyed at how quickly jisung had claimed him.

felix carefully passed chan over to jisung’s lap, shushing him gently as the little whined at felix moving far away. he carefully stroked chan’s hair, promising to be back extremely soon before he rushed off to the room to grab some things. it was dark and quiet when he entered, and felix tried hard not to make too much unnecessary noise. he went to chan’s drawer and grabbed the first pacifier he could feel and a sippy cup before heading out again.

when he returned to the living room, he stopped in his tracks, heart full at the scene in front of him. jisung was cradling chan gently against his chest, cheek pressed against the older’s blonde hair. while changbin had shifted over to sit right next to jisung, playing idly with chan’s hands. probably trying to distract him from trying to suck his thumb. felix almost didn’t want to interrupt them, but he knew sooner or later chan would get impatient.

“hey chris chris, i’m back.” he said warmly, placing the pacifier on the table. “you were so good for your hyungies.”

“he’s literally an _angel._ ” jisung sounded awed, tightening his hold slightly on chan and making the little laugh. apparently he’d forgotten the whole standing on the table incident from earlier.

“is that a sippy cup?” changbin asked curiously as felix began to pour the glass of water into the plastic cup.

“he needs to drink some water, but if he uses a glass it will probably just end up spilling all over him.” felix said, screwing the top onto the sippy cup. he hesitated for a moment, before handing the cup to changbin. the black-haired man seemed a little startled at first before turning to face chan again. carefully, he helped chan hold onto the cup and drink it, making sure to keep one hand on the bottom of the cup even as chan held onto it.

felix bit his lip to stop the stupid smile that was threatening to cross his face as he watched both jisung and changbin coo and fuss over chan. they were naturals, and chan obviously felt comfortable with them. they were still 3racha after all, and not even little headspace was going to change that. deciding it was okay this once to take a secondary roll, felix sat down next to them, grateful that everything had worked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter preview:
> 
> _“just checking in on you, hyung.” sincerity colored seungmin’s voice, and before chan could even tell the other that he was fine. seungmin had walked away toward minho._


	10. the gangs all here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _felix watched chan carefully before commenting. “be careful he doesn’t start chewing on you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome, to no-beta park. 
> 
> this is a looongboy chapter, so please enjoy your extra bits.
> 
> warnings: skz family feels, cute af, everyone loves channie

****

chan let out a loud breath as he fell back onto the floor of the dance studio. hour one of practice done, and he was feeling surprisingly okay. asking minho to be lead dancer had been one of the best decisions he had ever made. while he still fretted over their choreography as much as anything else, there was at least some sense of sharing responsibility. he had also been sleeping much better lately, the hours he was getting were no nowhere near healthy, but they were better than before. he truly owed that all to felix and minho (god he should probably talk to minho about that) for convincing him that his little space would be good for him. after everything that had happened, chan had pretty much decided that part of his life was over. he couldn’t help but just see it as another part of his carelessness that had almost ruined everything the members had worked towards. but he was feeling… better about things now. and while it was still embarrassing, he could admit that it was doing wonders for his mental and emotional health.

the only issue now was that two of the members still didn’t know about his secret. and while he trusted in, jisung and changbin not to go blurting his business out to anyone. he knew hat it would be harder to hide. there were subtle changes in their behavior. like how jisung had woken up that morning while everyone was eating breakfast and practically wrapped himself around chan like it was the most natural thing in the world. even i.n., who frequently complained about physical contact was a lot less hesitant to reach out. and there was felix and changbin, trying to be generally helpful like offering to get him things when they got up or checking in on him more frequently. it wasn’t infatalizing by any means, just a shift in their comfort level with him.

but seugmin and hyunjin still didn’t know. and chan was almost starting to feel bad about it. after jisung clinging to chan like a particularly active koala and felix had brought him a glass of orange juice unprompted, hyunjin had dramatically thrown himself onto the table and whined. _‘something happened and no one will tell me and seungminnie_.’ for his part, the younger seungmin hadn’t said a word, but he hadn’t exactly disagreed either.

chan sighed, closing his eyes as he tried to calm his racing heart and enjoy the last few minutes of their break. suddenly, a shadow fell over him and he wrinkled his nose before squinting up.

seungmin was standing above him, holding chan’s water bottle in one hand. chan stared for a moment, confused, before a drip of condensation from the bottle caused him to sit up and face the younger man.

“hey, you okay seungminnie?” chan asked, rubbing the back of his neck. seungmin just offered the water bottle and chan took it gratefully.

he tried to read the expression on the younger man’s face, to no avail. seungmin was as cute as a puppy, bright-eyed and bushy-haired, but for all his adorableness, he was nearly impossible to read.

“just checking in on you, hyung.” sincerity colored seungmin’s voice, and before chan could even tell the other that he was fine. seungmin had walked away toward minho.

chan stared at him for a few moments before taking a drink of water. it was cold, probably just re-filled and chan could feel warmth stir in his chest. despite being the second youngest, seungmin was always trying to take care of them. it sort of felt bad to keep honest and caring seungmin on the outside when he did so much for them.

“yo, stop spacing out, your worrying felix.”

chan nearly jumped when changbin plopped down next to him. the older man groaned as changbin threw his sweaty arm around his shoulder, pulling him in close.

“binnie, stop it, you smell.” chan whined, but only really half-heartedly tried to escape. really, he became more concerned with trying to sneakily peek at felix, wondering how long the other had been watching him. “and i’m fine, just thinking about stuff.”

“hhmmm. regular stuff or stuff stuff?” changbin asked, raising an eyebrow.

“none of your business stuff.” chan said, elbowing him in the side and then quickly escaping when changbin winced. he smirked, saluting the other man with his water bottle before jogging over to his beginning spot, just in time for minho to get their attention to begin the next run through. he smiled wanly as jeongin shot him a glance, and tried to focus on the task at hand. everything else could wait for now.

\- - - -

“movie night! and its my choice, hyuuung.”

chan groaned as jeongin fell into his lap, clearly energized after taking a shower. the older man’s muscles protested the extra weight after a long day of practice, but he couldn’t deny their maknae anything so he just pulled in in close for a hug, sputtering a bit when he realized his hair was still wet. despite that, the younger was a warm and comforting presence, so chan let it be.

soon enough the others began to trickle in, already dressed for bed and some looking halfway to dreamland already. felix settled in next to chan, resting his head on the on the leader’s shoulder. changbin found a place on his other side, the most effective place where he would be able to bother jeongin during the movie. since jisung was the closest, he set up the movie, only twice skipping over jeongin’s choice before settling on tangled. they’d recently just finished their marvel watch through and had moved onto disney movies. jeongin insisting that if they were going to sing frozen all the time, they could at least expand on their movie song repertoire.

hyunjin and minho were the last two join about fifteen minutes into the movie. minho curling up on the side of the couch next to felix while hyunjin draped himself over seungmin at the other end of the couch. chan couldn’t help but feel warmth spread all over his body, having all eight members here together in each other’s company. outside of practice, they usually found themselves in small groups, depending on who wanted to do what at the time, so it was nice when they got together like this when it wasn’t work related.

chan found himself quickly drifting as he watched the movie, entranced by the bright colors and fun songs. he idly tapped his fingers along to the music as the second part of ‘when will my life begin’ started and rapunzel escaped the tower. he wasn’t sure why, but something about seeing her finally break free of the gilded prison she lived in stirred something in his chest. his heart soared as he watched her experience the colorful outside world, the bright flowers made chan want to reach out and touch. he wanted to run barefoot through the grass, roll around and be free from all his responsibilities just like her.

he was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t notice until jeongin shifted that he had grabbed the younger’s hand tightly.

embarrassed, he quickly let go, shifting in his seat to try and get comfortable and refocus himself on the movie. it was hard though, he felt like his head was swimming, more preoccupied with the idea of flowers and butterflies than paying attention to the plot. he could feel his face burning as he tried to ward the thoughts off.

“are you okay?” felix whispered close to his ear.

chan nodded minutely, not trusting himself to speak at the moment, afraid of what his voice might sound like. carefully, he moved jeongin off of his lap so that he could get up. he smiled apologetically as he stepped over jisung who had chosen to lie on the floor. he tried to ignore the eyes on him as he hurried to the kitchen to get himself something to drink.

he took in a shaky breath once he reached the kitchen before getting out a glass so that he could pour himself some water. despite how careful he was, his hands wouldn’t stop trembling. he desperately missed the comfortable grips of his sippy cup. he carefully wrapped two hands around the glass and took small, careful sips, not nearly enough to soothe his dry mouth. but he was too frightened that he might spill it he tried to drink more.

he was staring down at the glass of water when seungmin padded into the kitchen, his hair adorably ruffled, probably from hyunjin playing with it. chan shot the younger man a weak smile, but if seungmin noticed something was up he didn’t act it. instead, he went to cupboards, rummaging through their plentiful snacks and taking out a few different bags. he’d probably been the designated snack bringer then. chan bit his lip, knowing that he probably shouldn’t be this awkward around seungmin, but he felt so small in that moment that he couldn’t find it in himself to say anything. usually he would offer to help carry something, or ask if seungmin needed anything. but he felt frozen to his spot, staring down ashamed.

 _want lixie hyungie_ … a voice in the back of his head whispered. he winced, the thought startling him so severely that his grip on the glass he was holding slipped and it fell to the ground, shattering in pieces around his feet. chan yelped, tears building in the corner of his eyes as he stood frozen on the spot. seungmin turned around instantly, eyes wide as he saw the aftermath of chan’s accident and he immediately abandoned his quest for snacks.

“chan hyung!” seungmin stopped in his tracks, seeing how far the glass had spread. brow knitting together, he motioned for chan. “can you step over the glass? theres a clean space just there.”

but chan could only whimpered and shake his head vehemently. his hands were shaking as they twisted in his sweatshirt. he wanted felix, he knew he shouldn’t have been messing around in the kitchen alone and now he’d made a mistake. “want lixie.” he cried softly, not able to meet seungmin’s eyes.

he didn’t look up to see the younger man’s reaction, he only heard when seungmin’s hurried away, calling for felix in english. “felix! i need your help with something.”

chan tried not to fidget too much, but his socks were wet from the spilled water and he was terrified there pieces of glass close by too. he squeezed his eyes shut, willing that felix would be there when he opened them.

“chan hyung?” felix’s comforting voice caused chan’s eyes to pop open. the younger was gaping at him, worried as he took in the scene before him. something must have shown in his eyes, because felix took in a sharp breath. “oh baby, did you have an accident?”

chan nodded warily, still afraid of moving too much. he glanced behind felix where seungmin was grabbing a broom and dustpan. he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to be acting now, even thought fighting his little headspace seemed to be a losing battle.

“okay, chris chris, just stay very still.” felix said soothingly as he went to grab some paper towels to spread on the floor. “we’re going to clean this up okay?”

“sorry, hyungie.” chan whispered as he watched felix put down the paper towel so that it could start soaking up th water.

once satisfied with that, seungmin began sweeping the paper towel and broken shards into the dustpant. it took a few times, but eventually both seungmin and felix deemed it safe enough for chan to move. as soon as he got the go ahead, chan practically ran into felix’s arms, wrapping himself around the caregiver and whimpering softly.

“chris, its not your fault.” felix murmured quietly, petting the little’s hair. “accidents happen, baby. and you were so, so brave. i’m so proud of you.”

chan sniffled into felix’s shoulder and shook his head, he didn’t feel brave. that and seungmin probably thought he was stupid now.

“is chan hyung okay?” he heard seungmin ask felix softly.

“he will be, he’s just, hmm..” felix stumbled a little bit, still holding onto chan tightly. “maybe we should sit down so i can explain?”

“should i call hyunjin-ah? he’ll just complain if he’s the last to know.” seungmin said reasonably. out of everyone, he seemed the least surprised by this turn of events. but seungmin tended to keep a coolhead even in the most difficult of circumstances.

“chris?” this time felix addressed him, moving so that he could look the little in the eye. “what do you think about meeting hyunjin and seungminnie?”

chan bit his lip, not sure how to answer. he felt a little raw from his accident, and this wasn’t the way he wanted seungmin to know him as a little.

“wanna finish ‘punzel movie.” chan said quietly, refusing to look at seungmin.

“chris.” felix started patiently. “if hyunjin doesnt know, you’ll have to go to bed and finish the movie another time.”

chan’s eyes widened and let out a quiet ‘nooooo’, burying his face in felix’s shoulder again. after sniffling a few times he muttered quietly. “meet jinnie hyung and minnie hyung.”

“alright, baby.” felix cheered, rocking him a little. “then we can finish the movie, okay?”

\- - - -

explaining everything to seungmin and hyunjin went surprisingly smoothly, though felix supposed he had enough practice by this point. they settled at the dining room table, seungmin on one side of felix, while hyunjin sat on the other. as felix suspected, seungmin took everything in stride, asking careful and measured questions and nodding along very seriously. meanwhile, at some point hyunjin seemed to have decided to start a staring match with little chan who seated sideways on felix’s lap.

felix couldn’t help but get distracted from seungmin’s questions, watching chan and hyunjin, each seemingly fascinated with each other at the moment. eventually, hyunjin reached out and booped chan lightly on the nose, causing the little to dissolve into a squirming fit of giggles that felix couldn’t help but smile at.

“you could at least try to take this seriously.” seungmin sighed, though there was no real heat to his voice.

“minnie, he’s adorable. i can’t help it.” hyunjin whined, reaching out toward chan again, smiling widely when the little grabbed his hand and began playing with his fingers. “oh my god, i’m so mad you kept this from us for so long.”

both felix and seungmin rolled their eyes, but honestly it was cute to watch the two of them interact.

felix watched chan carefully before commenting. “be careful he doesn’t start chewing on you.”

hyunjin looked a little startled and seungmin cackled at the look of concern on the older’s face. hyunjin just rolled his eyes and wiggled his fingers at chan who squealed delightedly at the attention. apparently his desire to return to the movie had been quickly overshadowed by his new friend hyunjin and his playful antics.

still, everyone was probably wondering what was taking so long. though it was likely they knew the content of the discussion.

felix summed lightly, rubbing chan’s back. “ready to finish the movie, chris baby? then its bedtime.”

chan dropped hyunjin’s hand and he quickly straightened. “punzel movie!”

“let me finish getting the snacks.” seungmin said, getting up from the table to go and gather the bags that had been abandoned on the counter.

before felix could help chan off of his lap, hyunjin had stood up and without much preamble hauled chan up into his arms, settling the older man on his hip. felix gaped, a little surprised at the sudden movement. chan seemed just as shocked, his hands flailing a little before wrapping around hyunjin’s neck.

“was i not supposed to do that?” hyunjin said almost sheepishly, noting the surprise from both felix and chan. he bounced the little in his arms just to situate him more comfortably. “you can’t blame me,” he said nuzzling his face against chan’s hair. “he’s so cute, felix.”

felix blinked and shook his head, coming out of his surprised daze. he stood up, going to check on chan, but found that the little looked quite content in hyunjin’s arms. if anything, he looked a little glassy-eyed and faraway. being carried probably helped him slip even more and felix couldn’t help but feel the slightest twinge of jealousy at how easily the taller man had been able to pick chan up. but mostly, he just felt his heart warm seeing how caring and sweet hyunjin was toward the little.

“he might fall asleep before we even get to the movie.” felix murmured quietly, reaching up to stroke chan’s hair.

“felix, can you carry these?” seungmin handed him two bags of chips, smiling gratefully at him before looking at chan cradled in hyunjin’s arms. “hmm, you’ve really done it now.”

“hmm?” felix hummed gently as he watched hyunjin carry chan out to the living room. he and seungmin took there time, and he couldn’t help but smile hearing the sudden ‘awes’ and cooing coming from the living room. “what do you mean?”

“hyunjin has a new captive audience.” seungmin explained. “your never getting him back.”

felix laughed, shaking his head, feeling lighter than ever as they entered the living room. hyunjin had settled on the couch with chan safely ensconced on his lap. jeongin had seemingly crawled over changbin to get closer to chan and the older was pouting at having his spot taken. seungmin and felix passed out the snacks before taking their seats once more. jisung started up the movie from where he had paused it after hyunjin had gone to the kitchen and they began to watch.

a few moments in, chan muttered a soft. “lixie hyungie.” before slipping out of hyunjin’s lap and crawling over the others to get to felix. the younger sighed as chan melted into his embracing, tucking his head under felix’s chin and turning so that he could at least watch the move with one eye. felix sighed contently, half watching the movie and half watching chan. he happened to glance up and one point and even in the dim light, he could see minho looking at him, a soft and nearly fond expression on his face.

“love you, chris.” felix murmured into chan’s hair, sure that the little hadn’t heard him and not really caring. they had all the time in the world for felix to make sure that chan knew he was adored.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter preview:
> 
> _“—want any presents, ‘nothing, nothing’.” seungmin quoted, completely understanding felix’s frustration. “you just have to remember, your buying things for channie and not chan hyung, right?”_
> 
> also, reminder to myself, i think requests are gonna be open after the next two chapters.


	11. all the good things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“hyung, don’t be mad.” he started, eyes wide and innocent. “i… may have bought some stuff already.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm, this was originally split into two parts but i couldnt find a good place to break it up. so enjoy a longer than usual chapter from me.
> 
> warnings: cute af, no really its so cute, all the ducks, thnx minho

****

felix hummed gently from where he was sitting on the floor of the 00-liners room. he was deep in thought, browsing through websites, the same as he had done for nearly a week now. seungmin was seated on the bed behind him, studying english and occasionally asking felix for help on more complicated words, though those moments had become few and far between lately. jeongin had wandered into their room at some point, just so that he wasn’t sitting by himself in the room he shared with changbin and had gotten himself comfortable on hyunjin’s bed.

it was a rare quiet time with just the three of them doing their own thing, but still appreciating each others company. everyone else had yet to return from individual practices, but once they did the dorm would be getting much more chaotic.

felix appreciated the quiet time to be able to think. now that chan’s ‘little’ secret was out, it opened up a whole new world of possibilities. instead of hiding his things away, chan would be able to enjoy all the comforts that littles should have. once they were acquired that was. and thats where felix was stuck. toeing the line between chan’s dongsaeng and being chris’ caregiver was difficult in some ways. so far, chan had only regressed because of stress, but felix wanted to get to a place where chan was taking breaks before the tears started.

and that meant getting him more things to help him feel little without the overwhelming pressure of responsibility crushing him. the thing was, felix knew chan would never ask for these things and so he had to make these decisions by himself and it did feel strange.

“lix, thats like the fifth time i’ve heard you sigh.” seungmin commented from where he was sitting. “what’s wrong?”

felix lowered the phone onto his lap and leaned back against the bed. “i’m trying to decide whether or not to order some things for chan hyung. for when he’s little.”

“hhmmm.” seungmin hummed thoughtfully. “and it feels weird because he’s your hyung.”

“right.” felix appreciated how intuitive seungmin was. “but i don’t want to ask him because you now he gets, he doesn’t—“

“—want any presents, ‘nothing, nothing’.” seungmin quoted, completely understanding felix’s frustration. “you just have to remember, you're buying things for channie and not chan hyung, right?”

“right.” felix nodded slowly. “thats true. these are things chris would need.”

there was a sudden aborted noise from the other side of the room where jeongin was laying and both seungmin and felix looked up to see the youngest looking over at them. the tips of his ears where read, and he had a slightly guilty look in his eyes.

“hyung, don’t be mad.” he started, eyes wide and innocent. “i… may have bought some stuff already.”

“i.n!” felix exclaimed, completely shocked. 

“i couldn’t help it! after i saw how few things he had…” jeongin tucked his chin to his chest. “i didn’t get a lot.”

felix wiped a hand down his face, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be mad. he knew how much jeongin enjoyed his time with little chan. relishing in the chance to be the older brother for once, and take care of their leader. 

“alright.” now knowing that the maknae was less indecisive than he was, felix made up his mind. “come over here and look at this stuff i have picked out to make sure we don’t get duplicates.”

\- - - -

the dorm was quiet when chan and changbin returned with dinner later that evening. the lights were still on, because god forbid anyone remember to turn off the lights when they left the room. but it was suspiciously devoid of conversation. felix and seungmin should have been home by that point and nothing in the group chat had suggested that the two of them had gone out for anything. 

“something’s up.” chan said as they went to the kitchen to deposit the sandwiches they had picked up on the way back.

“or maybe they went to bed early for once.” changbin suggested before sputtering out a laugh. jeongin might be surprisingly responsible about his bed time, but the rest of them sure weren’t. he placed the soups they’d picked up as well on the table and then went to wash his hands. “you can shower first, i’ve got to make a call.”

“thaank you, changbinnie.” chan scrunched his nose and smiled at the younger. laughing when changbin scoffed and ducked his head, muttering to himself. 

chan did appreciate it though. he still hadn’t decided whether to had back to the studio and do some work, or just stay up in the living room and work. they had the next day off, so he had plenty of time to really hunker down and lose himself in the music. as he headed toward his room, he felt a twinge of hesitance at his plan. he almost always worked on their days off, but somehow it seemed almost counterproductive. he tried not to dwell on the other things he could be doing, shoving the thought to the back of his mind. he would never purposefully set out to burden anyone with his little space. he was already grateful that his members were willing to look after him when it happened accidentally.

chan entered his room with a sigh, resisting the temptation to go straight to his bed and collapse on it. the only thing stopping him was knowing how gross he would get his sheets and the fact that his bed was currently occupied. not by a person, mind, but an object was sitting, bundled neatly on his bed. completely taken aback, chan approached the strange object on his bed. it looked very much like a bundle minho might put his things together in, though quite a bit larger. 

he reached out and found that the blue and white striped blanket was impossibly soft and fuzzy. it reminded him of his duck blanket that he kept hidden in his drawer. it was tied neatly at the top, and chan didn’t hesitate to undo the loose knot. the blanket fell to reveal a large, bright yellow plush duck. with big eyes and a bright orange beak. something stirred in chan and he immediately reached out to smooth his hand over the stuffed animal’s head.

 _soft…_ he thought almost wonderingly, biting his lip. who had left this for him? because it certainly hadn’t been on his before they had left this morning. as far as chan knew, the only ones who were even supposed to be home before everyone were felix and seungmin. he blushed, wondering if one of them had left the present in his room at some point. he’d never expressed the desire for a stuffie before, but now that there was one right in front of him…

he picked it up carefully and squeezed it to his chest, feeling the tension begin to drain out of his body as he pressed his face into the soft material. chan twisted his body as he hugged the duck to his chest, comforted and happy with the soft, squishy feel of it. all thoughts of showering quickly dropped as he flopped back onto his bed, hugging the duck to his chest and began to hum happily to himself.

“soft duckie, yellow duckie - duckie, duckie…” chan babbled quietly, smushing his face into the stuffed animal. he never thought he’d ever have anything like this! 

his preoccupation with his new toy meant he didn’t notice when someone else entered the room. and it wasn’t until felix was right next to the bed that he even managed to catch chan’s attention.

“chris, baby, you found your present!” felix said warmly, sitting on the side of the bed and reaching over to ruffle chan’s hair. “do you like it?”

“mmhmm!” chan confirmed, smiling brightly. he held off the duck to face felix and shook it a little. “its duckie, my new friend!”

“nice to meet you, duckie.” felix could barely hold in a smile. unable to resist anymore, he pulled chan up and into his lap so that he could hold onto the older man. his heart warmed as chan immediately snuggled into his body, wrapping one arm around felix while keeping the other securely around his new duckie.

“binnie hyung told me you were taking a shower, but you didn’t get to it, did you?” felix asked gently. 

chan wrinkled his nose and shook his head. “no shower. wanna play with duckie!”

“hmmm.” felix considered, resting his chin on chan’s head. “what if i told you i had more presents if you take a shower?”

“more presents?” chan asked, awed. “more duckies?”

“a lot more duckies.” felix promised. at this point, he knew that bribing chan like this was probably the worst thing he could do and they could end up with behavioral problems down the road. but he honestly couldn’t help it. little chan had been deprived of so much, and felix wanted to give him everything and just see him happy and comfortable. “but only if you take a shower for me, okay?”

chan seemed to contemplate it, hugging his duckie tight to his chest. he then looked up at felix with wide eyes and asked quietly. “lixie hyung, helps?”

“of course, chris chris.” felix’s heart practically melted. “of course i will.”

getting chan showered and his teeth brushed was a lot less of an ordeal than felix had been expecting. the little was so excited about getting new presents that he did his utmost to behave while felix helped him wash and was even patient when it came to washing his hair. the only issue really was how difficult washing someone in a shower was, when you weren’t inclined to get wet yourself. felix just barely managed to not get soaked and he determined that he was going to have to get over his nervousness and give chan his first bath the next time. a lot less water dodging and worrying about chan slipping that way.

still, they finished up and chan giggled while felix playfully dried his hair. the curls that chan so desperately tried to tame and keep straight beginning to appear. felix knew that the other was sensitive about his hair, but god, chan really did look adorable when he let his hair do its thing.

he led chan out of the bathroom, wrapping the towel around him and then leading him over to the bed. chan immediately latched onto his duckie plushie again, giving felix the time to get out his next present. he and seungmin had already put away the three onesies that they had bought for chan in his drawer, and he quickly pulled out the one he thought chan would be most excited for.

it was light blue with various sized yellow ducks and bubbles on it. the onesie had actually been one of jeongin’s purchases, and felix couldn’t blame him for immediately thinking of little chan when he saw it.

“look at what i have for you, baby.” he held up the onesie so that chan could touch it. “isn’t this pretty?”

“whaa—“ chan’s eyes grew wide as he stared at the clothing. his stuffie slipped out of his hands in shock as he reached out to touch the brightly colored fabric. “so many duckies! f-for channie?”

“yes, chris, its just for you.” felix smiled, doing his best to hold back tears. chan just genuinely seemed so surprised anytime he got something nice. “do you want to wear it?”

chan nodded enthusiastically, making grabby hands toward the onesie and wiggling impatiently where he sat. felix chuckled and quickly found underwear for chan. he had briefly considered buying pull-ups, but he knew that was something he would need to talk to chan about when he was big, and he didn’t want to do anything that my make chan uncomfortable.

it was a little more difficult to dress chan than to shower him, if only because the little was wiggling so much with excitement. he just couldn’t seem to calm down, especially when felix began helping him into the onesie. he nearly got kicked in the face twice, but it was honestly worth it to see the sheer joy on the little’s face. 

chan leaped up once he was dressed, stretching his arms above his head and cheering. then quick as a bolt he nearly jumped to wrap his arms around his caregiver, rubbing the top of his head into felix’s chest. the younger man smiled, patting chan’s back lightly.

“alright, baby, now that you're all dressed.” he finally got chan to look at him. “how about we go eat dinner? then if it isn’t too late, a tiny bit of playtime.”

“mm’kay, lixie hyungie.” chan agreed sweetly. “can i takes duckie with?”

“well, you can take duckie with you…” he took chan’s hand and led him over to his ‘little’ drawer. he pulled it open to let chan peer inside. “or you could take this with you.”

felix pulled out a smaller stuffed duck, this one’s bill ended in a light blue pacifier. the soft toy and pacifier combination was ingenious, that had been one of felix’s first picks. he knew it would be perfect for chan. 

chan stared at the pacifier in wonder, reaching out to take it in both his hands. for a moment he just looked at it before holding it up toward felix. “help?”

“of course, chris.” felix said softly, taking the pacifier and pressing it into chan’s mouth. the little’s hands came up to hold onto the stuffed duck part as he sucked contently on the rubber nipple in his mouth. “alright baby, lets go.”

felix took chan’s hand, leading him out to the dining room, the delicious smell of warmed up soup beckoning them in. seungmin and changbin were settled at the table, the older trying to practically dip half a sandwich in the younger’s bowl of soup. both of them look up as felix lead chan in.

“aah, channie, you look so cute.” seungmin hummed, looking quite pleased. he immediately squawked when the sandwich dropped into his soup and glared at the older man next to him. “chanbgin hyung, please.”

changbin didn’t even acknowledge that he had dropped his sandwich in the other’s soup. instead, he sat there frozen as he stared at chan. for a moment, felix was worried that the older man was freaking out. but then suddenly changbin lets out a crowing yell and stands up, bumping the table roughly.

“chaaannie…!” changbin yelled, startling both seungmin and felix before practically jogging over to the little. “look at you!”

he gave exactly zero warning before sweeping chan into a hug, lifting chan off his feet briefly before setting him down and reaching up to squish his cheeks. the little had easily fallen into a fit of giggles, his grip on the stuffie part of his pacifier was the only reason it stayed in his mouth. 

“bin’ie hyungie.” chan laughed. “silly ‘yungie!”

“silly hyungie is right.” felix said, smiling at the older man’s behavior. 

if changbin was offended, he certainly didn’t show it, continuing to coo at chan and pat his cheeks.

“alright, hyung. chris chris needs to eat before bedtime.” felix gently pulled chan away from the rapper, who made a show of pouting before following them back the table.

seungmin smiled warmly as they joined him, genuinely pleased to see chan wearing his new outfit. 

“you look very nice, channie.” seungmin complimented gently.

“t’ank you, hyungie.” chan tried to replicate seungmin’s polite tone. 

felix settled chan in the seat next to seungmin, who easily distracted chan with questions about his new clothing and new pacifier. he quickly fixed chan a bowl of soup before chan could even have a chance to argue that he wanted sandwiches instead. something hearty and warm would send chan off to dreamland that much quicker. as much as felix adored spending time with little chan, he liked the idea of him getting sleep after a long day better. plus, there was always tomorrow.

the four of them ate comfortably, with felix feeding chan bite after bite and seungmin swooping in to wipe the little’s mouth before he got too messy. little chan was not a neat eater. he had the same ravenous appetite as big chan, but with much less coordination and a tendency to try and talk before he finished swallowing his food. felix was beginning to think that a bib might have to be the next big purchase or chan was going to end up ruining all of his clothes.

nearly thirty-five minutes later, they heard the front door opening and the sounds of the rest of the members returning home.

“minho hyung got dessert!” jisung practically screeched as they entered the kitchen, carrying a cup tray full of smoothies. “best hyung, best hyung!”

as much as jisung was touting his greatness, minho didn’t exactly look thrilled to have been the apparent dessert purchaser. he had shopping bags, obviously the main purpose of the trip before he’d somehow gotten roped into buying food. hyunjin and jeongin followed after, holding the rest of the smoothies and looking sheepishly pleased with themselves, probably having been dragged into begging by jisung.

“oh my god, channie!” hyunjin was the first to notice and practically threw his smoothies onto the table before rounding on the little and squealing over his outfit. “you look so cute, oh my god, minnie, move.” hyunjin practically sat in the younger man’s lap, just so that he could reach over and pinch chan’s cheek.

“that’s one of mine!” jeongin crowed proudly, following after hyunjin so that he could admire little chan.

all of a sudden, chan was very much the center of attention, with nearly everyone cooing over him except minho who was watching respectfully from a distance. it was only when felix found himself practically pushed out of his chair and unable to reach the little that he realized something was wrong. chan had practical sunk into himself, fiddling with his pacifier as the others stood over him, practically shouting over each other about how cute he was.

“hey, wait—“ felix stood up to try and reach his little. he could see chan’s shoulders tensing as jisung joined in with patting his head, all while the others were prodding and tickling him. “give him some space, guys!”

“oi!” minho’s surprisingly loud voice put a stop to the chatter instantly. all eyes were on the second oldest as he stood with his arms folded. “your being noisy and frightening him. move!”

it took a moment before they seemed to get it, but one look at chan’s suddenly withdrawn demeanor and they were scrambling back to give him space. felix swooped in and ran a gentle hand through chan’s hair, whispering soothingly into his ear. chan practically threw himself into his caregiver’s arms, hiding his face in his chest.

“he’s just tired and probably overwhelmed with so much going on.” felix explained gently, knowing the other member’s hadn’t meant to make the little uncomfortable. “i’m going to take him to his room. but i’m sure if you stop by one by one and say goodnight that would make him really happy.”

“ah, that sounds perfect.” jisung agreed nodding and looking at the others for confirmation. “and, sorry, channie.”

“we didn’t mean to frighten you.” hyunjin added, sounding genuinely upset about it.

while chan didn’t turn to look at them, he did nod into felix’s chest, acknowledging that he had heard them.

felix quickly led chan back to his room, closing the door to give them some privacy. he sat on the bed and pulled the little onto his lap, stroking his back while chan cuddled into his chest. they stayed like that for some time, as chan let the silence calm him until his heart stopped racing. 

“sorry hyungie.” chan finally mumbled around his pacifier. “hyungies loud n’ it made channie — channie not..”

“ssh, sshh. i know.” felix said quietly, rocking him a little. “you got overwhelmed, i understand. and so do your hyungs, okay? nothing to be sorry about.”

chan rubbed his face into felix’s chest before moving his pacifier out of his mouth. “play with hyungies on ‘morrow?”

felix’s heart soared, but he tried to keep a damper on his excitement. “i bet they would love that, baby.”

there was a soft knock on the door before minho entered the room with a smoothie cup, only about one third full. he shot a half-smile at the two them before closing the door behind him. 

“i brought this for channie, if thats okay.” minho directed the question at felix.

the younger man once again felt greatly indebted to minho, appreciating how much he had done for both him and channie to make this work. and grateful that he seemed to respect felix’s role as chan’s primary caregiver, it was something he was going to have to talk to everyone about. he knew that they were excited about being able to dote on their leader, but there needed to be some ground rules. but that was for later, now was for chan.

“p’ease, lixie hyungie?” chan tugged at felix’s shirt, big eyes staring up at him pleadingly.

“we can share it.” felix finally decided, nodding his thanks as minho handed him the cup. 

felix held the straw to chan’s lips and he watched as chan drank eagerly at first, but it was clear he was tired. his eyes slowly closing, even as he tried to enjoy his treat. the little didn’t even whine when felix moved the straw so that he could drink some of the smoothie himself and by the time it was finished, chan’s head was resting against felix’s shoulder, his body heavy with exhaustion.

the younger man moved to lay chan down on the bed, but the little’s hand clutched his shirt tightly. 

“stay.” chan said, tugging a little. “p’ease.”

felix couldn’t resist. “of course, chris baby.”

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter preview:
> 
> _minho didn’t mean to raise his voice, but his frustration was getting the better of him. of course thats when chan looked up, startled with a carrot stick half-way to his mouth. he stared at minho, eyes wide with confusion and a small bit of a fear._


	12. be enough for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _‘i hope you’re pleased with yourself.’ was all it read. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here ends what i would call the actual 'storyline' part of this fanfiction. if u could stick around for the notes at the end, it would be much appreciated. its nothing bad dsfjsnaksdf i promise.
> 
> warnings: angst, :C, chan feels, minho feels, so many feels

****

minho sighed as he exited the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel and considering the benefits of just collapsing on his bunk and not getting up. they’d only had half a day of work, but he’d decided to go the gym on his own for a bit, just to keep himself disciplined. minho’s muscles were aching and he was tired as hell, but he felt some pride in the fact that he had pushed himself through anyway.

as far as he knew, felix had dragged chan home before the other could even contemplate spending the rest of the night working in his studio. the others, minho wasn’t quite sure about, but he was secretly hoping that chan might actually take the day off for what it was and let himself freely fall into his headspace.

minho could admit that he was happy for chan. he knew firsthand how much being little helped the older man relax. it was one of the few things that chan seemed to enjoy without feeling the need to excel at it on some base level. they teased the leader by calling him a ‘genius’ occasionally, but chan seemed to have this insurmountable need to be good at everything, even if it was something fun or simple like arcade games.

there was no way for him to be that way when he was little, though. and minho couldn’t help but be glad for it.

deciding it was worth checking to see, minho headed to the 00-liner’s room. the door was open slightly and he knocked twice. he was surprised to hear hyunjin telling him he could come in. when he opened the door, he was surprised by what he saw.

seungmin was on the floor, chan sitting between his spread legs, watching his laptop with rapt attention. he was wearing a large pink sweater, far too big for him and yellow shorts. on the floor in front of him on a plate were sliced carrots and apples, which he idly munched on while distracted by whatever he was watching.

seungmin glanced up at him and gave him a slight smile, unwilling to engage anymore than necessary. they rarely spoke casually with one another unless it was important, something the other members often mistook for dislike.

“minho hyung, your back already?” hyunjin chirped from where he was sitting on his bed, scrolling through his phone. “are changbin hyung and hannie back?”

“i don’t know.” minho replied shortly, his eyes focused on the little. he hadn’t even acknowledged that minho had entered the room, in fact he seemed oblivious to anything that wasn’t the screen or his food. “where’s felix?”

“he had to run out to the store for something.” seungmin answered. he tussled chan’s hair gently and explained. “he promised channie something and —-“ he forgot. seungmin raised his eyebrows to communicate the last bit.

“hhhmm.” minho nodded, resting the towel on his shoulders. chan still hadn’t said anything and minho found himself getting irrationally annoyed. “he shouldn’t be in front of a screen for so long.”

seungmin shrugged a shoulder. “it’s just until felix gets back.”

“he almost started crying after felix was gone for five minutes and he realized he wasn’t coming back.” hyunjin added. “we found these cute animal music videos though, he’s enraptured.”

minho clenched his jaw, trying to reel in the frustration that was rising inside of him. he didn’t know where it came from suddenly, but for some reason seeing chan so quiet and subdued in front of the laptop bothered him. wasn’t the whole point to keep chan from staring at his computer like a zombie? he and chan had purposely decided that the older man shouldn’t have access to his laptop when he was little. not only was it bad for his eyes, but it carried the risk of throwing him out of headspace.

“seungmin, i think that’s enough.” minho found himself biting out a little more caustically than he meant to.

“hyung…” he heard hyunjin say softly from his bunk.

seungmin looked up at him dully, unintimidated by the older man’s sudden attitude. “your being irrational, hyung.”

“irrational?” minho felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickling. he should have held back, he should have stopped and thought about it for a moment longer, but he couldn’t. “your letting his brain rot! look at him, he hasn’t said a word!”

minho didn’t mean to raise his voice, but his frustration was getting the better of him. of course thats when chan looked up, startled with a carrot stick half-way to his mouth. he stared at minho, eyes wide with confusion and a small bit of fear.

“h-hyungie yell…” channie said softly. “yuhno hyungie mad?”

minho’s eyes widened a fraction as he stared at the little. he could see the slight tremble in chan’s bottom lip and he felt shame pooling in his belly. hyunjin was staring at him in alarm and seungmin looked stuck between pissed off and concerned. unable to bare their stares, especially not chan’s, he ducked his head and turned heel to leave the room.

maybe it was cowardly, but he couldn’t believe he’d lost control like that. minho ducked into his room, closing the door tightly behind him before sitting heavily on his bunk. he really hadn’t meant to yell. and he knew seungmin and hyunjin were just doing the best they could to keep chan occupied. but he couldn’t help but feel upset.

for so long it had just been him taking care of chan. and while they had never made it official, or really said the words. minho had cared for chan like he was his. their own little secret family time, where they could play and cuddle without judgement or interruption. it wasn’t that he hated that the rest of the members knew. but it felt like what he’d shared with chan before didn’t count, like it wasn’t special.

his phone suddenly buzzed from where he’d put it on his pillow. happy enough for the distraction, minho picked it up. to his dismay it was a single text from seungmin.

 _‘i hope you’re pleased with yourself.’_ was all it read.

only a few moments later, he heard three soft knocks on the door before it slowly creaked open. chan stood in the doorway, the sweatshirt was gone, leaving on a plain white-shirt, though he was still wearing the yellow shorts. he smiled sadly at minho, before making his way inside and closing the door behind him.

minho’s heart clenched as he watched chan go to his bed and sit down carefully, folding his hands in his lap. he was very obviously out of little headspace, and he looked sad or even disappointed.

“i think we should talk.” chan spoke up, his voice gentle as though minho had been the one ripped unceremoniously from his headspace. “if that’s okay with you?”

minho’s hands curled into the sheets on his bed, feeling tense. why was chan the one in here confronting him about his behavior? someone should have tried to keep chan in little space until felix could deal with it. this was not how he’d meant for this to happen _at all_.

“minho, i want you to be honest with me.” chan sounded deadly serious. “is me being little bothering you? when its out in the open like now?”

minho’s eyes widened as he stared at the older man. “what are you talking about?”

“it’s just sometimes… you seem distant or bothered by something? when we all talk about me being little.” chan glanced down, the only sign that this was uncomfortable for him. “i know you were used to hiding it. and that its a little weird for everyone to know…”

minho swallowed so loudly he could hear the sound in his ears. he stood up suddenly, nearly throwing himself off balance. “thats not true. its not weird, theres nothing wrong with you being little.”

chan seemed a little taken aback at how aggressively minho was speaking. “but why…”

“because you don’t trust me!” minho exclaimed in a sudden burst. he recoiled at his own volume and tried to regain his composure. “y-you stopped trusting me. after he left, you pushed me away. like it had never happened.“

silence fell between the two of them, the confession lingering heavily in the air.

finally chan spoke, his voice tired and trembling. “you know thats not true.” he shook his head in emphasis. “you know i trust you. i’ve always trusted you, minho.”

“then,” minho’s mouth felt dry. “then why didn’t you let me help you?”

“i couldn’t burden you like that.” chan said immediately, looking away from minho. “not after what happened. i was distracted a-and careless, and you all got hurt in the process. i realized i couldn’t live with myself if i tried to center my own wants,” chan’s bit his lip, his hands squeezed tightly together. “we had so much work to do. i couldn’t let myself take advantage of your kindness, i’m your leader, should have never—“

 _oh no, oh chan_. the words stuck in minho’s throat as he took in the words chan was saying. minho knew how guilty chan felt about not being able to keep his promise of ‘ _nine or none_ ’ even though it was completely out of his hands. it was so like chan though to believe that as leader, he took on the burden of his members’ personal demons. never thinking of how those things affected himself and his own self-esteem.

minho could feel his eyes prickling wetly as he watched chan. the older man looked so defeated, so unlike his usual endearing confidence.

unable to stand it any longer he raced over to chan and wrapped him in an uncharacteristically tight hug. with one arm wrapped around his shoulders, he used the other to press chan’s head to his shoulder, holding him steady and secure.

“you absolute idiot.” he murmured, trying to keep his voice from trembling. “how could you think that? you did everything you could and more then you should have. he didn’t deserve how much you fought for him.”

minho could feel a familiar anger flooding his chest. he had taken so much from them, caused them so much pain. and yet they had moved on and become stronger together as eight. but as chan trembled in his arms, minho realized that the wounds of the betrayal still festered. causing chan, selfless chan, to deny himself the small safe space he had created for himself.

at the time, minho remembered his own reaction had been to become more determined to succeed. he helped the others as they re-choreographed their dances in record time. they all had a goal and refused to let someone’s selfishness destroy that. perhaps naively, he had thought when everything calmed down, things would go back to normal. he had anticipated it even, after their levanter comeback. sure things had changed, but nothing that affected channie.

but then again it wasn’t channie that had changed. it was chan. before, he would have never hesitated to slip around minho if he truly needed to. but night after night, minho waited and it never happened. chan’s little things remained shut in the drawer than only the two of them were aware of. sometimes minho forgot that chan was only a year older than him, still so young and unsure of himself, in need of reassurance that what he was doing was right.

minho could have asked, he could have checked. he never did.

“i thought you didn’t trust me.” he murmured mostly to himself as he stroked chan’s hair. “i thought you didn’t want me any longer. i was so selfish. i’m sorry, i’m sorry.”

he could feel chan shaking his head against minho’s shoulder. of course their leader would deny anyone having done wrong aside from himself.

he pulled away and cup chan’s face with his hands, heart aching as he saw the older man’s red-rimmed eyes. “please forgive me, baby.” minho knew he had to sound desperate, but he didn’t care. anything to make it up to chan. “i love my channie. i missed him so much.”

chan sniffled, holding back tears before tucking his head under minho’s chin, hands coming up to grip the younger man’s t-shirt. the conversation seemed to have exhausted him. minho sat on chan’s bed, quickly pulling the other onto his lap refusing to lose contact with him. he held chan close, rocking him as chan continued sniffling quietly against his collarbone.

“i’ve got you, baby.” minho murmured, pressing a kiss to chan’s hair. “i’ve got you.”

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there we have it, everything is good and pure in the world sksksksks :D but no really, the main 'storyline' is at an end and heres where you come in. 
> 
> requests! are! open! 
> 
> i've got a few ideas wriggling around in my noggin, but nothing concrete. so if theres anything your interested in seeing in this verse, go ahead and comment. honestly, the way i work is when i come across a really fascinating idea i can spit out a chapter in no time. but i could use some inspiration.
> 
> so no worries, the fic isn't over. and your free to play along!


	13. cheesecake for breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“hannie hyungie made a mess!” chan cried, absolutely delighted._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first request!
> 
> “DaniShine178 - I have a request! It's just a basic idea that Jeongin and Jisung wind up babysitting Chan while danceracha are at a dance practice.”
> 
> i really enjoyed writing this one. i got an idea and was able to run with it, so thanks so much for this!!
> 
> warnings: softness, jisung pottymouth, jisung bad decisions, jisung is his own warning, so really its cute af, 0.1 angst

it had been nearly fifteen minutes since jeongin had asked jisung if he wanted to go wake up chan from his nap. the older man had practically jumped at the chance, excited over the possibility that he might get to see sleepy little chan and get those elusive post-sleep cuddles that felix usual hoarded to himself. of course, there was no guarantee that chan would wake up little, but felix had told them it was a likely to happen based on his behavior the night before.

 _“i’m not saying to push him into headspace.”_ _felix had stressed as he hovered near the front door. he looked anxious, like a parent leaving their newborn in someone’s care for the first time. minho and hyunjin had already left, knowing it might take felix a minute or two to get himself together. “but he kept fighting his headspace last night. so if he wakes up confused, don’t be surprised.”_

jisung had waved it off like it was no big deal, confident that both he and jeongin could handle one tired australian boy all on their own. the maknae had a few more doubts that the older man, as while chan was normally agreeable as a little, meltdowns about felix’s perceived abandonment were often just barely contained.

so yeah, jeongin had sent jisung to wake chan up. he didn’t want to be caught in the wrath of either big or little chan.

but it had been quite some time, and while he knew that chan was a heavy sleeper, there was no way jisung could be having that much trouble. deciding to investigate, jeongin went to the older man’s room. the door was wide open, though the only light in the room came from the window.

stepping in, he looked over at chan’s bed and groaned at what he saw. not only was chan still very much asleep, but jisung had apparently joined him, wrapping himself around the other man, his face pressed into chan’s hair.

jeongin could admit it was adorable as all hell, but he was also about five seconds from screaming in the most irritating way possible. chan’s sleep schedule was already fucked up enough without jisung contributing to the problem. resolutely, he stalked over to the bed and contemplated the sleeping pair before reaching down and pinching jisung’s elbow, _hard._

“ _FUCK.”_

jisung’s yell almost made jeongin jump and it certainly startled chan awake. the older man sat up quickly, blinking sleepily as jisung rolled onto his back, massaging his elbow and muttering more curses under his breath. jeongin quickly leaned over jisung, ignoring him ruffle chan’s hair.

“good morning!” he said brightly. “did you sleep well?”

chan pursed his lips, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to wake himself up more. even before finding out chan regressed, jeongin always thought his leader trying to wake up in the morning was adorable. he never quite seemed to know where he was until he managed to down some coffee to wake up.

“‘morning innie hyung.” chan murmured quietly, eyes still shut, but leaning into jeongin’s touch.

“channie!” jisung seemingly quickly got over his predicament of being pinched to sit up, knocking jeongin’s arm away. “aaw, baby, if your still tired—-“

“hyung, get out of bed and get breakfast.” jeongin yanked on jisung’s arm half way pulling the older man off the bunk. like a limp noodle, jisung slid onto the floor, glaring up at the younger with little heat. “you lost your channie cuddle privileges.”

“your terrible, yang jeongin.” jisung grumbled as he pushed himself up. still, he flashed a bright smile at chan. “hyungie is going to make you something _amazing_ for breakfast, channie. be good for innie.”

jeongin rolled his eyes as the other left before turning his attention back to chan. the little was rubbing his eyes, still sleepy but looked less like he might collapse back onto his pillow.

“do you want hyungie to help you get ready for the day?” jeongin asked, reaching out a hand for chan.

“mmhmm.” chan nodded, taking the offered hand almost immediately. with little hesitation, chan slid toward the edge of the bed and immediately wrapped his arms around the younger’s waist, rubbing the top of his head in jeongin’s stomach. “bathroom p’ease, hyungie.”

jeongin’s heart nearly melted and he chuckled. “alright, channie.”

\- - - -

chan was adorably agreeable and sweet while jeongin helped him get ready. he was still quiet, probably tired but also relaxed in his little headspace. after going to the bathroom, he let jeongin help him wash his hands and his face. they would do teeth after whatever undoubtedly unhealthy breakfast jisung had on offer. then he helped channie pick out which onesie he wanted to wear for the day, with predictable results.

“do you want the blue star one or the—“

“duckies!” chan cut him off, making grabby hands for the gray and yellow outfit tucked in his drawer. “innie hyungie, channie want duckies!”

“of course you do.” jeongin stifled a laugh as he pulled the outfit out. chan cheered, obviously pleased and now certainly more awake.

his excitement meant that getting him dressed was more of a hassle than it needed to be. but in the end, jeongin couldn’t helped but coo over how cute he looked, grinning from ear to ear. little chan’s happiness at the simplest of things was really one of the most endearing qualities about him.

“d’you want your pacifier too?” jeongin asked, holding up his stuffie pacifier. chan shook his head and jeongin nodded, placing the item in his pocket just in case it was needed later.

“b-b’eakfa—“ chan struggled with the word as jeongin led him out of the room to the kitchen. “food time?” he eventually settled on, looking up at jeongin hopefully.

“yep, hopefully han hyung has something really delicious ready for you.” jeongin said the last half of his sentence obnoxiously loud so that jisung could hear them as they approached. he couldn’t hear anything from the kitchen and he wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.

at the dining room table, chan’s sippy cup was already on the table, filled with orange juice. as jeongin led him over to a seat, he felt chan suddenly tug on his hand and he turned to see the little had stopped moving, peering around the kitchen in confusion.

“l-lixie hyungie?” he said quietly, almost too himself. the little bit his lip, bouncing nervously as he tried to pull away from jeongin. “w-where lixie hyungie? w-want..”

jeongin grimaced as chan’s soft voice became watery and strained, he quickly went to the little and cupped his face gently, trying to get his attention.

“channie, baby, hyung had to go do some work with minho hyung and hyunjinnie hyung.” jeongin explained, moving to hold chan’s hands. the little still glanced around, like it might make his main caregiver appear out of thin air. “baby, they’ll be back, okay? we can have fun in the mean time, right?”

chan sniffled, obviously trying to keep his tears at bay as he shuffled closer to jeongin. without hesitation, jeongin wrapped the older man in his arms, holding him tightly.

“channie! don’t cry, not when i made a special surprise for you.” jisung’s cheerful voice caused both of them to look up. he was holding something that if jeongin didn’t know better looked like cake on a yellow flower-shaped plate. “tada!”

“oh my god, hyung!” jeongin was horrified, there was absolutely _no way_ that jisung had spent all that time only to come up with left over cheesecake as a meal. “ _hyung_ , we can’t just let him eat cake!”

“cake!” chan’s eyes widened significantly as he looked at jisung. all of a sudden his tears seemed be forgotten and he toddled over to jisung.

jeongin watched in horror as jisung placed the cake down and then sat in a chair, pulling chan onto his lap.

“innieee-ah, can you grab the whipped cream off of the counter?” jisung sounded so nonchalant that jeongin couldn’t even muster more of a protest. “ah-ah, wait a minute, little roo.”

chan had started reaching for the cheesecake, and pouted when jisung took his wrist and gently stopped him. “channie _hungry!”_

 _chan’s always hungry._ jeongin couldn’t help but think as he brought the bottle of whipped cream to the table and sat down next to jisung.

“and we’re gonna fill channie’s tummy, yes we are.” jisung teased, using one hand to tickle chan’s side, causing the little to giggle. “i.n, if you would do the honors.”

“fe—“ jeongin cut himself off, figuring he aught to avoid saying the name for a while. “hyung is going to kill us when he finds out about this.”

despite that, he sprayed a dopple of whipped cream onto the slice of cheesecake, rolling his eyes when both jisung and chan pouted at the small amount. still, he capped the bottle and pushed it far away from the two of them.

“ah, your innie hyungie is so stingy.” jisung sighed forlornly before picking up the wide, yellow fork beside the plate and scoping up a generous helping of cheesecake. “say, ‘aah’, channie!”

dutifully, the little opened his mouth wide, eyes squinting as jisung fed him the first bite. he immediately wiggled in delight, smiling even as he chewed. “s’good, hyungie!” he crowed, crumbs immediately falling from his mouth.

“don’t try and eat and talk, channie.” jeongin couldn’t help but smile at how delighted the little looked. he still thought this would end up with terrible consequences, but channie looked so happy he couldn’t stay upset.

jisung cheerfully fed chan more cheesecake, taking a bite or two for himself, making sure he got most of the whipped cream. jeongin busied himself trying to catch the remnants of cake falling from chan’s mouth, as the little continued trying to explain just how ‘ _super duper awesome!!_ ” the cheesecake was.

“hyungie wants some?” as jisung lifted the final bite to chan’s mouth, the older man suddenly seemed to realize that jeongin hadn’t eaten at all. he clumsily grabbed jisung’s hand to force it toward jeongin’s mouth. “innie hyungie eats too!”

“aah, thats okay, channie.” jeongin loved his members dearly and he usually had no qualms about sharing food with them. but the thought of eating cheesecake this early in the day off of the same fork as jisung and chan did something unpleasant to his stomach. “i’m sure your hannie hyung wouldn’t mind finish for you.”

chan’s eyes sparkled and he nodded vigorously, turning awkwardly so that he could push jisung’s hand in the direction of his own mouth. the little’s clumsy assistance and their awkward angle meant that the cheesecake ended up smashed across jisung’s lips and face before he could even try and open his mouth. the sight of it made chan begin to laugh uncontrollably, letting going of jisung’s hand so that he could smush jisung’s cheeks. inadvertently spreading the cheesecake mess.

“hannie hyungie made a mess!” chan cried, absolutely delighted.

jisung looked so stunned, that it took him a moment to react before he smirked, leaned forward and rubbed one of his messy cheek’s against chan’s. “and now channie is messy! aha!”

jeongin couldn’t help it, the sight was far too cute. he slipped his phone out of his pocket and opened the camera to take some photos of the giggling pair, cheesecake smeared across their faces. he couldn’t help but join in their laughter, his heart feeling full and fond as he watched the pair. maybe jisung had been onto something after all.

\- - - -

eventually though, they got themselves cleaned up. jeongin took chan to the bathroom so that he could wash his face and brush his teeth while jisung cleaned up the dining room and kitchen. once he was all cleaned, jeongin led chan to the living room to settle on the couch.

the little cuddled up to jeongin’s side, his big duckie tight in his arms as he rested his head against the younger man’s shoulder. “l-lixie hyungie… back soon?”

the maknae looked down, surprised at how calm chan sounded despite the question he was asking. but as soon as he saw the little’s face, he could tell that chan was just doing a good job of hiding his fear. his eyes were wide, and his brow was furrowed, confused and and worried. jeongin wondered what had happened to make chan _so_ afraid that felix was going to leave him. anyone with eyes could see that the younger australian adored chan both big and little. jeongin and jisung had nearly had to push him out the door to get him to leave that morning.

“oh, baby roo.” jisung said softly as he padded into the room, chan’s sippy cup in hand. he must have overheard the question as he came to join them. “i promise your hyungie will be back before you know it.”

jisung held out his sippy cup and waited until chan grasped it in both hands before letting his hold it. he curled up on the couch on chan’s other side, his hand finding its way to chan’s gently curling hair. he couldn’t help but watch fondly as chan drank his orange juice, while still leaning into jisung’s gentle touch.

“your so sweet channie, no one could ever leave you.” jisung cooed.

that caused chan to pause in his drinking, the sippy cup slowly lowering from his mouth. he let it slip out of his hands and jeongin scrambled to catch it before it could fall off the couch.

jisung blinked, a little concerned as chan climbed onto his lap, burying his face in jisung’s neck, lips sticky from the orange juice as he murmured into his skin. “h-hannie hyungie no leave.”

jisung glanced over at jeongin, who looked just as confused as he did. it took a moment before the maknae’s eyes widened seemingly realizing something. jisung’s eyes widened as well and he quickly wrapped his arms around chan, suddenly feeling the need to hold him tight and close. trying to keep the anger threatening to to rear its head at bay.

“channie.” jeongin reached over to rub chan’s back gently. he had an idea to hopefully distract chan from his sad thoughts. “wanna hear a story? i know a _really_ good one.”

chan peeked at him, a tiny frown on his lips, but he seemed curious enough. “‘bout wha’?”

“its about a cute little puppy and a mean squirrel who always messed up the puppy’s things and never cleaned up afterwards.” jeongin said excitedly, smirking a little. “hannie hyungie will help me act it out, he knows this story _very_ well.”

that seemed to perk chan up, and the little sat up. he shook jisung gently, pouting as he said. “storytime! wanna hear about puppy an’ squirrel!”

“ _sure!_ ” jisung grinned, his jaw clenched. he glanced over at jeongin, his eyes lit with fire.

 _yang jeongin, i will_ end _you._

of course the story managed to cheer chan up immensely. both jeongin and jisung getting into the spirit of things the more chan laughed and clapped. eventually they ended up acting it out in front of chan as the little cheered, gasped and screamed his way through the riveting relationship. it eventually ended with jeongin and jisung hugging, the older man dramatically bawling about how sorry he was as he let all of his weight fall into jeongin, the maknae struggling to hold him up.

“channie want play!” the little yelled once jisung had finished taking about ten bows. he held up his duckie. “duckie protect puppy!”

“but their friends now!” jisung sputtered but his protest went unheard as chan lunged for jisung, duckie wielded in formidable hands. jisung fell back onto the floor, unable to much as chan smushed the duck into his face repeatedly, telling him he better not making any more messes.

“seungminnie hyung is gonna be so proud of you defending his honor, channie.” jeongin snickered as he snuck his phone out of his pocket once more. “get him channie! do it for all the puppies!”

“ _oh my god, yan—jngin.”_ jisung’s face was muffled again as the soft duck body continued its attack on his face.

 _“_ be nice to all puppies!” chan cheered, clearly encouraged by jeongin’s laughter and jisung’s protests.

as jisung submitted to his fate, he couldn’t help but think maybe jeongin had a point about not feeding chan cheesecake as his first meal of the day.

\- - - -

“‘bokkie, check your phone.” minho called over as felix entered the practice room after taking a quick bathroom break.

he raised his eyebrows, seeing hyunjin on the floor, furiously texting away and minho looking suspiciously pleased. they’d been in studio for three hours already, and felix could admit he’d been pretty distracted so far. they were trying to put together a dance cover mash-up for stay while they were in between comebacks. while he was excited about the project, he hadn’t realized that leaving little chan would make him so anxious, but his abysmal performance today was proof positive. luckily, minho ad hyunjin had been patient with him, seeming to understand why he was so distracted.

still, he considered as he went to grab his phone from his bag. if there had been an emergency, he was sure jeongin or jisung would have called, so he could only assume things were going well. he’d try and make these next two hours better than the first three.

upon opening his phone, he noticed a multitude of messages in the groupchat. raising his eyebrows, he opened it to find it inundated with pictures of chan sitting on top of jisung and seemingly suffocating him with his stuffed duck. felix couldn’t help the wide smile that spread across his face or the warmth in his chest as he saw the unrestrained joy and laughter on chan’s face.

he laughed as he scrolled, looking at the comments minho and hyunjin had sent. the latter’s mostly a combination of nonsense words and exclamation points. before he could forget, he quickly saved the images to his phone.

after a few minutes minho clapped his hands. “lets start, the sooner we go through this the sooner we can get home.”

felix looked up and saw minho looking at him, eyebrow raised and a surprisingly fond smile on his lips. nodding, he put his phone away and joined them in front of the mirror. determined that he was going to work his ass off so that he could get home and see his baby boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot of people requested more channie and minho, which i am all aboard for!! i'm just trying to figure out a little chapter plot for them. thats the things i get suck on, lol.
> 
> but yeah, i appreciate everyone who took the time to comment and offer suggestions. im still looking for more ;)


	14. sweet and soft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“i’m proud of you.” minho murmured quietly. “for resting today.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blue_star98, LilithStarlight & Kirjava3456airbender all requested some more minho/chan interactions. i didnt have any plan in mind but... this might be the softest thing i've written so far tbh its like, real soft hours.
> 
> warnings: best minho, soft hours, tiny tiny chan time

chan yawned as he sat up in bed, feeling comfortably rested after taking a nap. the headache from earlier in the day had gone, and he felt surprisingly comfortable. maybe it was the change in his sleeping habits and his consistency in eating, and probably (definitely) his regressing to relax, but the tension that he seemed to always carry was a lot less prominent. he didn’t feel the urgent need to leap out of bed and do work, and he didn’t feel guilty about needing to take a nap instead of holing himself up in his studio all day.

humming contently to himself, chan rubbed his eyes, letting the sleep fuzziness take its time to fade. he was on the verge of resting his eyes a little more when he heard the door open and he looked up to see minho enter the room. he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and an apron tied around his waist. they stared at each-other for a brief moment, minho’s face completely unreadable before he turned heel and left chan alone again.

if it were anyone else, chan would say it was a weird or standoffish interaction, but he was used to minho’s odd behavior by now. if anything it was a little endearing.

chan was stretching, when minho returned, this time with a bowl and chopsticks in his hands. chan watched curiously, eyes still half-lidded with sleepy relaxation as the younger man made his way purposefully over to him and sat on his bed.

he raised his eyebrows, as the comforting scent of tteokbokki filled his nostrils. suddenly feeling quite hungry, he looked at minho questioningly. “did you cook?”

minho tilted his head, vaguely offended before he nodded. “we’ve been eating too much takeout.”

that was true enough. they all tended to get lazy, especially around dinner time after a long day of working. “you didn’t have t—“ he was cut off by minho skillfully stuffing his mouth full of ricecake. chan could admit that minho’s skill at cooking was a gift, and he wasn’t going to take it for granted when it was offered.

“did the kids eat already?” chan asked after swallowing his first bite, his stomach already rumbling for more.

“yes, hyung.” minho said patiently, holding up the chopsticks with another mouthful. “their cleaning up the kitchen now.”

“oh, good.” chan smiled, this time graciously taking the food offered.

there was something intimate and calming about minho feeding him like this. chan tended to be talkative when he ate, but he was content to just let minho do as a pleased in comfortable silence. something about the soft look minho was giving him made his skin tingle comfortably, almost like a comfortable buzz covering his skin. he could be wrapped up in this cocoon of serenity for hours and be happy.

“are you still hungry?” minho’s voice was soft after he fed chan the last bite.

“no.” chan sighed out. surprisingly his blackhole of a stomach had found itself warm and full. “thank you, though.”

minho smiled brightly, his teeth showing in the way that meant he was genuinely pleased. he got up slowly, taking the bowl and chopsticks. “stay here, i’ll be right back.”

chan smiled quietly to himself, folding his hands in his lap and not really in any hurry to get up. the traitorous part of his mind that he could never quite shut out whispered that he had work to do, but it was easy enough to ignore. when minho returned he was without his apron, though his sleeves were still rolled up. he looked at chan almost pensively, before going to chan’s desk.

“minho,” chan started, somewhat amused as he watched the younger man pick up his hairbrush. “is something going on?”

“tch. you worry too much.” minho accused, though that didn’t really answer the question. “move up.” he said with preamble, waiting until chan scooted forward so that he could climb behind him.

once he settled comfortable, he ran a had gently through chan’s sleep mussed hair, careful with the tangles and curls. “you need to condition your hair more. as much as you dye it.”

chan groaned, but leaned into the gentle touch. “i’m trying to get better about remembering.”

“hmmm.” was all minho offered before he raised the brush and gently began going through chan’s hair.

it was quiet and comfortable, the only sound between was the bristles pulling through chan’s locks. soon enough, chan’s eyes closed as he left minho tilt his head in whatever direction he needed in order to reach his entire head. styling his hair was usually such a hassle, he truly hated spending time on it, but it was one of the most important parts of his look. all the other members managed to make it seem less complicated, but for him it was a chore.

so this, this was very nice.

chan barely registered when minho finished brushing his hair and pulled him back against his chest. minho wrapped one arm around his waist, while the other hand stroked his hair. the fuzzy, warm feeling spread over chan’s body again and he could feel himself melting into the other’s embrace.

“isn’t this a little weird?” he mumbled quietly, though made no attempt to move.

“does it feel weird?” minho asked back, sounding unbothered.

“no.”

chan’s eyes were closed, his head suddenly feeling fuzzy. he could feel himself drifting, though it wasn’t unpleasant or sudden. perhaps he had been balancing on the edge of slipping for a while and just hadn’t noticed. all he did know was that being in minho’s arms made him feel safe and comforted and small. he couldn’t help but smile, a soft happy sigh escaping him.

he heard minho humming gently, some random tune that chan didn’t recognize. almost as though his body was moving on its own, he turned in minho’s arms so that he could snuggle into the crook of the other’s neck. his hands grasped at minho’s shirt as he breathed in minho’s scent. the spices from dinner and something uniquely minho.

“i’m proud of you.” minho murmured quietly. “for resting today.”

chan hummed quietly, too far gone to answer that, but just happy to know that the younger man was proud of him. soon enough, he found himself mouthing at the collar of minho’s shirt, needing something to soothe him but not quite able to ask for it.

“wheres your pacifier, channie, sweetheart.” minho’s voice soft, probably not wanting to disturb chan from the headspace he’d just entered. “you should start keeping it closer to your bed.”

“duckie paci.” chan murmured around the fabric he was mouthing at. “wan’ p’ease.”

eventually minho shuffled from behind chan, making sure to keep contact before pulling the older man into his arms and balancing him on his hip. he wouldn’t be able to hold him for long sessions, but he was quite proud of how his diligent workouts came in handy in this instance.

he went to chan’s little drawer, quickly pulling out chan’s duck pacifier and easing it into the little’s mouth. one of chan’s hands immediately came up to hold onto the stuffie part of the pacifier as he sucked contently on it. then he pulled out one of chan’s onesies, the blue and white stars were particularly soft and fluffy.

“you haven’t showered yet.” minho said mostly to himself, but judging from the headspace chan was in right now, he didn’t think he could shower. he was much too small to be standing in the stall by himself.

minho was just in luck when there was a knock on the door before it opened. felix peaked in his head in the room, face surprised at first, before his expression softened.

“i just wanted to let you know the kitchen was all clean, hyung.” felix said quietly. “everything okay?”

minho bit his lip, glancing down at chan in his arms. the little was undeniably attached to felix, and he was slightly concerned that the other might get fussy if he wasn’t handed over. but chan simply suckled quietly on his pacifier, head resting on minho’s shoulder. the little looked in felix’s direction and put up a hand in a slight wave, but otherwise made no noise, far too content where he was.

the expression on felix’s face warmed minho’s heart, and he really couldn’t believe he was jealous of the younger at any point. it was so clear that the most important thing to felix was that chan was happy.

“could you run a bath?” minho asked. “i think he’s too little to try and shower right now.”

felix tilted his head in interest. “how old?”

“two, probably younger.” minho said, bouncing chan a little. “he said a few words, but not much.”

felix nodded. “i’ll go start the bath. let me know if you need anything else.”

with that, felix disappeared with chan only making a small noise of curiosity at where the other was going. minho took chan back to his bunk, sitting down and rocking the little in his arms. this felt special, little channie was usually energetic and wanted to play before getting sleepy and clingy. this felt different though, this felt like trust.

\- - - -

bath time with little chan was almost heartachingly cute. he seemed to perk up a little when he got into the bath, immediately fascinated with the foamy bubbles surrounding him. minho could admit that he was distracted for a good ten minutes, just gently playing with channie, lifting the bubbles out of the water and blowing them toward the older man, causing him to giggle gently.

“alright, we need to get you clean before you start to shrivel up.” minho muttered to himself, still smiling as chan experimentally blew a pile of bubbles cupped in his palms.

he quickly grabbed a washcloth that felix set out and began wash chan, laughing along whenever chan got ticklish and would squirm away. chan’s sleepy, soft smile was a gift and minho fought not to get distracted as chan soon stopped playing and simply relaxed into the warm water, eyes nearly closed as he let minho wash him.

minho tried to recall if he had ever seen chan in this particular headspace before. but he didn’t think he had. chan was always somewhat energetic and lively, wanting to play or at least babble to his caregivers. it pulled at minho’s heart, realizing that chan must have trusted him enough to let himself slip so far.

“close your eyes, sweetheart.” minho said softly as he began to gently wash chan’s face. “don’t pout, i’m almost done.”

chan made a disagreeable sound, but other than that, tried his best to stay still. once he was done, minho placed the washcloth the side and grabbed the shampoo. chan could be weird about his hair, but minho was hoping in his relaxed state he wouldn’t put up much of a fuss.

of course, that ended up being wishful thinking.

as soon as minho had lathered his hands and started running his fingers through chan’s hair, the little let out an unhappy cry. minho tried to shush him gently, continuing his ministrations has gently as possible, but that just caused chan to begin to squirm and move his head away, whimpering softly.

“sweetheart, you're okay, its just shampoo.” minho tried, scratching at the little’s scalp.

but chan shook his head, and his face scrunched up in a way that promised he was about to start crying for real. minho bit his lip, not wanting to alarm anyone and did the only thing he could think of. he started to sing. he barely remembered the words, half humming the soft song he remembered his own mother singing to him when he would get fussy as he gently wiped away the tears that had started to gathered in the corner of the chan’s eyes. the little continued to sniffle, but soon enough was leaning toward minho, reaching a wet hand out to grab onto the caregiver’s shirt.

minho continued to sing as he careful rinsed out the small amount of shampoo he had managed to get into chan’s hair. it would just have to be something they worked on later, maybe when chan wasn’t feeling so small. soon enough, he finished and quickly got chan out of the cooling water. he barely got a chance to wrap a towel around the little before chan was stumbling into his chest, still clinging to his shirt.

minho swiftly picked him up and carried him back to their room, not really caring about the water dripping on the floor or how wet he was getting from chan cuddling into his chest. it was a struggle to get the little dry and clean as chan very much did not want to let go of minho, pressing his face into the younger man’s neck as much as possible. but eventually minho managed to get him dry and then slipped into his starry onesie. impressed with himself considering chan pretty much refused to leave his lap.

“maybe we’ll get you regular pajamas for nights like this.” minho said softly, as he slipped one of chan’s regular pacifiers into the little’s mouth. chan hummed contently as pressed his face into minho’s neck and the younger man sighed. “i hope there are more nights like this.”

that last part was whispered to himself, a quiet wish that he hoped would come true. maybe it was more work than a chan who could toddle around and wash himself and speak his needs. but for minho, it just felt like the chance he had been waiting for. to prove to chan that he could look after him, that their leader was safe under minho’s watch.

he sat on chan’s bed for a while, just rocking the little and humming gently under his breath, a calm buzz settling over his skin. he pressed his cheek to chan’s hair, every place where their skin touched felt warm and safe, like he was home. it occurred to him, quite suddenly, that if someone were to try and take chan away in this moment he would be completely distraught.

“my little channie.” minho murmured, pressing a kiss to chan’s hair. “my sweetheart.”

soon enough, he pulled chan down onto the bed, wrapping his arms protectively around the little and singing until they both fell asleep. the peace between them so deep, that they didn’t even notice felix coming in to turn off the lights and close the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u look at little chan wrong minho will literally murder you.
> 
> not sure whats up next, really appreciate people who have sent in ideas. theres one that im especially like uwu thats cute af about. 
> 
> really hope ya'll are enjoying it!!


	15. you truly make me smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“lixie-hyungie.” chan reached out to take his caregiver’s hand. “channie made somethin’ for you!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a bit of a bumpy almost two weeks hasn't it? if you haven't noticed by now, i've gone ahead and made some adjustments to the story because of the situation at hand. i don't think i missed anything, but if you notice something please let me know. 
> 
> it just means more minho feelings for this story anyway and im down with that.
> 
> BUT putting that aside, lets talk about how great this comeback has been yeah?? i cant even count how many times i've listened to back door so far. im addicted!! i hope your all enjoying it too!!
> 
> this is sort of for felix's bday, bcuz the chanlix vlive interactions made me feel some sort of way and i just wanted to do a cute little chapter for them.

****

felix hadn’t been expecting a call on his way back from the store that afternoon. it was a rather nice day out, perfect for a walk to go pick up a few essentials. they were nearly out of eggs and definitely out of milk, so felix had taken it upon himself to go pick some up. he and seungmin were planning on attempting another puppy-cat school video making ice cream cookie sandwiches, but there was also just the fact that the eight of them tended to run out of the essentials in record speed.

they had the day off, and most of the members had found something to do with their time. minho had dragged jisung to a coffee shop he wanted to try. changbin had nagged i.n. into going shoe shopping with him and hyunjin had tagged along, most likely to judge changbin’s taste and refuse to buy anything himself. chan and seungmin, ever the hard-workers had made noises about recording some samples for what they had promised was strictly fun and not work (a lie, most likely).

so felix was fairly surprised when his phone vibrated, indicating a call - especially when he recognized seungmin’s number. shifting his bags to one hand, he answered the call, smiling a little as seungmin’s face came into view. from what felix could see, he looked to be back at the dorm already.

“seungminnie!” felix said brightly. “i wasn’t expecting you to call! everything okay?”

seungmin seemed fine, he had a gentle smile on his face as he greeted felix with a wave. suddenly, felix could hear someone talking a bit muffled in the background, and seungmin’s phone blurred as he shifted quickly. once the video stabilized again, felix was pleasantly surprised to see chan’s face on the small screen, eyes bright as the leader leaned in close.

“ap— lixie-hyungie!!” chan’s voice was one of pure elation, his face breaking into a wide grin, dimples on full display. “hi! miss you!”

of all the superpowers felix would have ever wanted, teleportation had never been on that list. but he would have done _anything_ in that moment to be with chan right that very second.

“hey, chris baby.” felix spoke lowly, bringing the phone closer as though that might physically bring him closer to his baby. his heart ached, it had been a few days since chan had a chance to regress. not because the leader was holding back, they were just busy. “are you having fun with you minnie-hyung?”

chan nodded furiously, and the camera shifted over to seungmin briefly who threw the camera a thumbs up. other than minho, seungmin really seemed to click with little chan. his calm demeanor and kind voice, combined with his ability to tease gently made him a good balance to chan’s energetic and sometimes impulsive nature. he could scold without getting mad, overreacting like jisung or changbin did when little chan did something worrying like try to hang upside down from the bunks.

“come home soon?” chan asked sweetly, eyes wide with anticipation. “h-have somethin’ for hyungie!”

felix could have melted into a puddle of goo right there and then, and he couldn't stop himself from smiling. he was sure whoever saw him thought he looked ridiculous, especially as he increased his speed. needing to get to the dorm as fast as possible.

“just a few more minutes, baby.” felix promised, eyeing an intersection and deciding he was definitely going to make it across even if he had to run. “i’ll be home soon.”

\- - - -

as soon as felix opened the door to the dorm, he had about 30 seconds to get the eggs out of harms way before blur of bright yellow shot toward him and barreled into his torso. felix stumbled back against the door, laughing as he felt chan’s arms wrapping around him, the little rubbing his head into felix’s shoulder and babbling a mile a minute.

felix squeezed chan tightly, shooting a glance over the older man’s shoulder at seungmin, who had followed chan at a much slower pace. seungmin picked up felix’s grocery bags to move them safely to the kitchen, seemingly holding back his own laughter at just how happy chan was to see his main caregiver.

eventually, chan pulled away so that he could look at felix. his hair messy and curly, and felix could tell he must have had a shower or bath not long ago. his fresh linen soap smell and the yellow duck onesie suggested that he had a bath though since it wasn't chan's usual shower gel. felix ran a hand through chan’s hair, before leaning in to press a kiss to his forehead.

“look at my adorable baby.” he cooed. “i missed by baby duck so much!”

chan giggled, his hands come up to cover his mouth, his eyes crinkling pleased. ever since accepting his regression more fully, chan had seemed even lighter and more open when little. any self-consciousness or fear holding him back seemed to disappear more and more with each time he let go.

“lixie-hyungie.” chan reached out to take his caregiver’s hand. “channie made somethin’ for you!”

felix smiled indulgently as chan began pulling him toward the bedrooms. he was surprised to see chan lead them toward the 00-liners room, but he supposed thats where he had been hanging out with seungmin after all. there were papers and crayons on the floor, along with one of chan’s sippy cups.

chan let go of felix’s hand just in order to toddle over to felix’s bunk and pick up a folded piece of paper that had been lying on the bed. curiously, felix watched as chan returned to him, holding the paper in both hands. suddenly, the little seemed shy, twisting his socked feet on the wooden floor. felix just smiled, waiting patiently for chan to speak.

“made for hyungie.” chan said quietly, almost to himself. the little slowly unfolded the paper and held it up, half-hiding his face behind the drawing.

felix blinked as he took in the colors on the page. chan’s drawings were always adorable, bright and figure-based. chan had drawn two people standing side by side, one smaller than the other. both figures had big smiles, and were holding their little stick hands. the background was detailed with grass and trees and even a cat, one of chan’s favorite things to draw. it was a wonderful piece of art work, it was..

it took him a moment to recognize the names, but when he did, his heart nearly leapt in his chest. channie, was written next to the smaller figure. _appa,_ was written next to the taller one. for a moment, felix felt like he forgot how to breathe.

“c-chris, is, uh..” he tried to control the sound of his voice. he didn’t want to assume, but if this was what he thought it was...

“a-appa likes?” chan nearly whispered, peaking over his drawing, worry shining in his sweet brown eyes. “is me and lixie-hyung, my appa.”

felix squeaked, and he could feel himself tearing up. without a moments hesitation he wrapped chan in his arms, pressing kisses into his hair. he could hear chan giggling into his shoulder and that only made him hug the older man tighter, trying to keep his tears at bay. while it was established among all of them that felix was chan’s primary caregiver, they had never really talked about special names or anything like that. he’d always just assumed he’d be _‘lixie-hyungie’_ and had been happy with that alone.

felix pulled back so that he could gently cup chan’s face, barely resisting the urge to press kisses all over the little’s dimpled cheeks.

“baby, you have no idea what this means to me.” felix meant it wholeheartedly. “thank you, _thank you._ ”

chan just giggled, bouncing on his toes as he leaned in to press a wet kiss to felix’s cheek. “love you, appa!”

\- - - -

if felix barely let chan out of his arms for the rest of the night, he really couldn’t be blamed. he and seungmin warmed up leftovers for dinner, and even as they ate, felix kept chan in his lap the entire time. he couldn’t even bring himself to be bashful when seungmin snapped a photo of the two of them and sent it to the groupchat, he was too pleased and proud to be bothered.

“he was a little worried about it, to be honest.” seungmin told him quickly as they were washing dishes. chan had ran to get his stuffed duckie in preparation to watch a movie. “he kept asking me if you would like it.”

felix’s heart fluttered for what felt like the 100th time that day. “he’s literally perfect. i don’t deserve him, i—“

“hyungie! appa!” chan’s voice interrupted loudly as he hurried back into the kitchen, duck plush secure in his hands. “i pick’d a movie!”

felix turned and smiled, catching chan in a tight embrace. “what did you pick, chris baby?”

“‘beast movie!” chan said promptly, bouncing up and down. “jinnie-hyungie showed me!”

felix raised an eyebrow, trying to decipher exactly what movie chan was talking about, but luckily seungmin seemed to have an idea.

“aah,” he smiled and folded his arms across his chest. “a few weeks ago when you were at vocal lessons, hyunjin showed him beauty and the beast.”

“yeah!!” channie agreed, smiling brilliantly at seungmin.

“oh, well, that sounds fantastic.” felix filed that information away for later usage. they had been steadily learning the things that little chan liked, and it was becoming apparent that princess movies were definitely something the little had a keen interest in whether he noticed or not. “lets get started before it gets too late, hmm?”

“i’ll get the snacks.” seungmin offered as chan began pulling felix out to the living room impatiently. the other caregiver threw a grateful smile over his shoulder as he let himself be led away.

eventually the three of them settled on the couch wrapped in comfy blankets, the lights out as they ate chips and watched the movie. thats where the rest of the members found them, curled up together with chan safely in the middle with his head resting on felix’s shoulder, already knocked out by the time belle and the beast had ended their waltz.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back to the requests after this. there was one i got that i _really_ liked and theres a hint of it in this chapter as well. im feeling really energized about writing right now!!
> 
> requests still open, those are actually the easiest for me to write, lol!


	16. you're safe with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _it was the least subtle question in the world, but hyunjin wasn’t exactly known for his subtly anyway. the last person who was going to let chan just pretend he was spacing out in front of disney princess dolls was one hwang hyunjin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been so busy and i havent really gotten a chance to thank everyone for leaving feedback. just know that i do appreciate it and imma try to get better at answering!!
> 
> this is another request and you have NO IDEA how excited i was to write it!!! 
> 
> wlwchannies: "if ur still looking for requests tho 👀 i thought chan’s fascination with rapunzel was the sweetest thing ever so!! maybe he starts an obsession with princess in general but he’s too shy/embarrassed to tell anyone that all he wants is to play with the pretty dollies and dresses so he try’s hiding it, but it eventually someone catches on and then they all show him it’s ok that he likes that kind of stuff and spoil him with all the princess stuff imaginable >~< ahh sorry it’s so specific!! you do whatever with it tho bc ik it’ll be adorable any way!! thank u for giving us such a sweet fic and i hope u rest well!! ☺️"
> 
> i combined this with another idea of chan accidently slipping in public ans so we have an extra long chapter!! enjoy!!

****

chan could not have predicted the circumstances that led him to standing in the aisle of a toy shop staring at a wall of dolls in all colors of the pastel rainbow that day. but he really should have known that something odd was bound to happen when hyunjin sidled up to him, all big eyes and pouty lips and asked him to go shopping with him. they technically had the day off. and chan was making an effort to not spend every extra waking moment he had in the studio. hyunjin had somehow absorbed some of seungmin’s puppy dog eye power because chan couldn’t come up with a single reason why he couldn’t accompany hyunjin on his shopping trip.

of course now, he was regretting it. hyunjin was looking for a present for a younger cousin and had settled on a lego model, something which chan had very little expertise in. thus the older man had wandered away, just looking at all the varied and colorful toys on display, feeling a little nostalgic and a little fascinated at the same time.

he had found himself stopping in the doll aisle. a vibrant kingdom of bright colors, but specifically pink lining the shelves. chan’s only real experience with dolls had been by proxy of his younger sister, and he had never even really been an action figure kid. but lately…

his gaze drifted down the row of colorful boxes until he landed on something familiar. disney princess dolls, right there in the center. chan bit his lip, his palms suddenly feeling a little sweaty. lately, his little self had been more and more interested in princess movies. it had started innocently enough with just liking the frozen songs, but progressed into adoring tangled and then hyunjin had showed him beauty and the beast one afternoon. he hadn’t admitted it to anyone yet, but he’d sometimes stay in the studio and watch disney princess clips online, teetering on the edge of slipping before packing up and going home.

chan knew he should probably tell someone. no one would make fun of him for it, he was sure of that. but it still felt weird, that of all things he was into as a little - _princesses_ had to be it. chan had always loved sports and games, the desire to dress up and play with shiny jewelry and dolls sort of blindsided him.

he was so wrapped up in his own worries, that he didn’t even notice hyunjin approaching. the younger man simply observed him quietly for a moment, easily identifying what had chan was enraptured.

“chan hyung, i think i found it.” after a moment he approached the leader, holding up a space-themed lego set. “are you okay?”

chan blinked, a little startled and looked up at hyunjin. “oh, ah - yes. sorry for leaving you like that.”

“it’s fine. i was being picky anyway.” hyunjin shrugged a shoulder. “did you find something interesting?”

it was the least subtle question in the world, but hyunjin wasn’t exactly known for his subtly anyway. the last person who was going to let chan just pretend he was spacing out in front of disney princess dolls was one hwang hyunjin.

chan shook his head, not trusting himself to speak honestly. taking a deep breath, he readied himself to school his features and ask if hyunjin was ready to check out, when the taller man set a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. chan was usually quite fond of contact, but there was an odd propriety in the way that hyunjin clasped his shoulder that made him feel small and warm.

“it’s okay if you found something you liked, hyung.” hyunjin’s voice was soft, careful that they were out in public. “which one is it? the elsa or rapunzel?”

chan ducked his head, he could feel the tips of his ears burning. hyunjin squeezed his shoulder, a gentle prompting and he managed to answer. “elsa.”

hyunjin hummed gently before going over and plucking the box off the shelf. he brought it over to chan, holding the box so that they could both see the contents, though chan seemed to barely be able to look at it.

“oh look, it comes with a crown and a barrettes.” hyunjin whispered excitedly, nudging chan gently. “do you want it, hyung? i’ll buy it for you since you came with me today.”

chan could have melted through the floor in that moment. he wasn’t little, and to be honest talking about it out in public like this was kind of freaking him out. but at the same time, his little side was never truly _gone_ and he knew deep down just how much he would love playing with the toy whenever he regressed. his memory as a little truly depended on how far he regressed, and he would hate to regret taking hyunjin up on the offer.

chan squeezed his eyes closed and took a calming breath. “okay, i’ll buy it— “ when chan opened his eyes, he saw that his companion had disappeared from his side, already heading toward the checkout. “hyunjin, wait, i’m paying!”

\- - - -

chan did not end up paying.

hyunjin must have learned from felix that the easiest way to keep chan from paying was just to do it without warning. chan tried not to pout as they headed down the street, but he was already plotting a way he could make it up to the younger man. maybe he’d buy dinner tonight, a ridiculous amount of food so that they would have leftovers for the next day.

“d’you want to hold your bag, hyung?” hyunjin asked him suddenly, breaking him from his thoughts of payback.

chan looked at the bag in hyunjin’s hand. the other man had put the lego set into his shoulder bag and left chan’s elsa doll in the shopping bag. chan couldn’t help but glance around, wondering if anyone else on the street noticed the two young men carrying such an item, even if he reasonably knew that no one could see through the bag and even if they did, they would assume it was a present.

but still, chan felt his fingers itching to hold onto the bag, knowing what was inside was something for _him._ he didn’t know how to describe how he was feeling. a little wary, a little excited. he wondered how everyone else would react back at the dorm, he wondered how soon he would be able to regress.

“chan hyung?”

chan hadn’t realized he had slowed down and hyunjin had gotten quite a ways in front of him. he stopped dead in his tracks, looking up, confused and feeling a familiar tingling in the back of his skull. _oh._ chan’s hands balled into fists as he realized just how close his headspace was. how easily it had managed to sneak up on him.

hyunjin seemed to notice something was off and quickly retrieved chan, guiding him by his elbow to the side of the sidewalk, slightly tucked into an alley behind a outdoor store sign. the younger man positioned himself in front of chan, so that passersby wouldn’t be able to see him.

“hyung? are you okay?” hyunjin’s voice was gentle, but clearly worried. “do you feel like your slipping?”

“sorry, sorry.” chan said, shaking his head. but his guilt only made the tingling more intense, as he felt shame and fear pooling in his stomach. “i’m just — i want..” his voice cracked into a slight whine. he wanted to be home, he wanted his appa.

“hey, ssh, ssh.” hyunjin soothed, pulling chan’s coat tighter around him and flipping up the collar so that it concealed him more. “hey channie, can you hold your bag for me?”

chan sniffled, trying to reign in his emotions as he struggled with his headspace. obediently, he took the bag from hyunjin, curling his fingers tightly around the plastic handles. he looked on as hyunjin began to dig around in his shoulder bag before he finally pulled something out, whatever it was hidden securely in the palm of his hand.

“did you bring a mask with you, channie?” hyunjin asked.

“uh huh.” chan murmured and clumsily used one hand to dig into his pocket and pull out a black mask. “always have it.”

“what a smart boy.” hyunjin praised quietly. he moved closer to chan, bring his hand up to the other’s mouth. “we’ll have to do this quick, okay?”

chan didn’t get a chance to ask what before he tasted familiar and comforting rubber as hyunjin pushed a pacifier past his lips. with impressive speed, hyunjin took the mask and hooked it around chan’s ears and pulling up to conceal the pacifier from view. chan could practically feel his heart pounding in his ears, his face burning at the thought of the fact that they were in public. he knew he was completely shielded, hyunjin would have never done anything if he thought they were at risk of being spotted.

“i-is that okay?” for the first time hyunjin sounded unsure as he smoothed a hand over chan’s hat. “it just seemed like you were starting to panic.”

chan sucked lightly on the pacifier, looking up at hyunjin and trying to convey that he was okay. was he still a little freaked out? yes. but at the same time, the pacifier was comforting, it gave him something to focus on other than his sweaty palms and the tingling in his skull. his face was concealed and he felt surprisingly secure, knowing that hyunjin had been so prepared and ready to deal with the situation.

chan finally nodded, leaning slightly into hyunjin, wishing he could hug the younger man. hyunjin smiled down at him, relaxing as he gently took chan’s elbow. “we all have one.” he said, sounding a little proud. “just in case.”

that was a surprising revelation, and one that chan would try and remember to talk with everyone about once he was big again. but not he let himself fall into the soothing rhythm of sucking gently on his soother. hyunjin kept a light hand on his arm, casual, but guiding so that chan didn’t start drifting.

by the time they reached the dorm, chan was practically vibrating out of his skin with excitement. hyujin opened the door and the leader bolted inside, practically slamming right into minho whose shock quickly morphed into annoyance then concern when he noticed chan babbling a mile a minute behind his face mask.

minho glanced up at hyunjin before reaching up and lowering chan’s mask, eyes widening as his suspicions were confirmed. “sweetheart, are you okay?” he then looked at hyunjin again, demanding an explanation from the younger man as well.

“um, well —“ hyunjin hadn’t really gone through this whole plan anticipating having to explain himself. especially not to minho, who he was pretty sure might kill someone if little chan so much as stubbed his toe.

“jinnie hyungie got for me!” chan exclaimed around his pacifier. he held up his shopping bag to show minho. “‘is elsa doll, hyungie!”

minho blinked, trying to school his features into a gentle smile. he patted chan’s head gently and then pushed him lightly in the direction of the bedrooms. “your appa is in his room. why don’t you go show him what you got, hmm?”

“jinnie hyungie, too?” chan inquired, turning to look at his new favorite hyung with big brown eyes.

minho grinned sharply, and shook his head. “i need to speak with him about something really important. you can play with hyunjin later.”

chan’s mouth twisted into a pout, but nevertheless, he obediently skipped off with his bag to go find felix, leaving hyunjin to his fate.

the younger man had been trying to find a way to sneak around minho to no avail, and instead he was faced with the cold reality of an obviously Angry minho. hyunjin gulped, gripping his own bag tightly, reminding himself that no matter what, minho couldn’t actually _hurt_ him, _hurt_ him because hyunjin needed to be in one piece for them to all do their jobs.

\- - - -

felix woke to the sensation of someone poking his cheek and he immediately swatted the offending fingers away, assuming it was probably seungmin telling him he needed to stop sleeping the day away. it wasn’t his fault he’d really gotten in the zone in league the night before and accidentally stayed up most of the night.

but it the poking came again, followed by a familiar giggle that had felix’s eyes snapping open in surprise. squinting through sleep hazy eyes, he nearly jumped back seeing chan’s face about three inches from his own, grinning around a red pacifier.

 _hyunjin..?_ his mind supplied, confused. that was the pacifier hyunjin had picked out when they had all decided to buy one to carry with them just in case chan needed it. it was jisung’s idea, after chan had gotten frustrated after pulling a late nighter in the studio and had been practically inconsolable after regressing. the only thing that had calmed his down was chewing on the top of jisung’s water bottle, which ended up practically destroyed in the end. so he suggested they all have one, just in case chan needed a soother when they weren’t within distance of the dorm. it felt more like a solidarity move at the time, then expectation that they would really be used that often.

“chris?” felix murmured, pushing himself up and rubbing at his eyes. he noticed that chan was wearing his coat and hat, insinuating that he had only _just_ gotten back from his shopping trip with hyunjin. “chris, did — when did you come back?”

“jus’ did!” chan announced. he held up a bag and shoved it toward felix. “appa!! open, p’ease!”

“open?” felix’s brain was still trying to catch up to what was going on. when had chan regressed? why hadn’t he taken off his outside clothes yet? where was hyunjin? he took the bag and peered inside before pulling out the box. “oh, did you buy this today?”

chan just shook his head, bouncing impatiently on his heels. “jinnie hyungie got for channie!”

felix swallowed thickly, and looked at the doll and then looked at chan. “baby… when did your hyungie give you your pacifier?”

chan tilted his head, frowning as if thinking before shrugging. “dunno, outside. open elsa, appa! wanna play!”

the caregiver could see that chan was getting impatient. his stomach was twisting into anxious knots, but he had to stay calm for chan. putting the doll aside, he ignored chan’s pout and beckoned him closer. “lets get you changed first baby, then we can play.”

chan was happy enough to oblige, letting felix help him out of his outdoor clothes and into a comfy oversized sweater and colorful leggings. once he was dressed, felix helped him open up his doll, the little practically bouncing off the walls once got a hold of the crown and barrettes. he begged felix to do his hair and the caregiver couldn’t help but agree. besides, putting the frosty blue and silver clips into chan’s hair helped distract him from how exactly this whole thing happened for the moment. felix knew he was avoiding confronting hyunjin, but he wanted to indulge chan before having any hard conversations.

once the barrettes were in and the crown placed on chan’s head, the little immediately plopped onto the floor to play with his new doll, fascinated with her hair and glittery dress, ooh-ing and aweing to himself over the tiny details. it was adorable, and felix couldn’t help but take out his phone to snap a picture.

just as he was about to send it to the group chat, minho entered, look satisfied in a way that meant someone else had just been terrified out of their minds. felix had a sneaking suspicion the victim this time had been hyunjin.

“yunho hyungie!” chan looked up, eyes sparkling. he scrambled to his feet and ran to minho, who gathered him in his arms. “lookit, appa did channie’s hair pretty!”

“i see that. you look very pretty, sweetheart.” minho said kindly, pressing a kissing to chan’s forehead and causing the little to giggle. “why don’t you go show hyunjinnie and thank him for buying it for you, hmm?”

“oh!!” chan gasped a little as though he’d just remembered. “back soon!” he said sweetly before darting around minho to search for hyunjin.

felix raised an eyebrow as minho closed the door behind the little, folding his arms over his chest. the older man’s face turned slightly troubled and felix couldn’t help but ask. “do you know what happened?”

“hyunjin told me chan started to slip while they were walking back.” minho explained. “he said he was discreet, but… “ minho’s jaw clenched. “i told him that was unacceptable. he put them both in danger taking that risk.”

felix bit his lip, stomach clenching uncomfortably. he could only imagine the chaos if someone had caught what they were doing. sure, maybe they could write it off as some weird fashion trend. but some people would know, and chan would be mortified. whats more, once chan was out of his headspace, he probably _was_ going to be mortified anyway to know what had happened, even if it wasn’t his fault.

“i’m sure hyunjin meant well.” felix said, trying to look on the brighter side. they were all soft towards little chan, and hyunjin was no exception. he could understand why the other man hadn’t wanted to force chan out of slipping.

“i know he did.” minho’s tone softened a little. “i just told him next time that he needs to call one of us and we’ll get a cab or a company van or something.”

“right…” felix nodded. “should we maybe talk to chan hyung… about controlling his headspace more?”

saying those words made him feel awful, but felix couldn’t help but be worried. chan did tend to have trouble controlling when he slipped, especially now that he was becoming more comfortable. of course they wanted to encourage it in controlled environments, but out in public…

“i’ll talk to him, ‘bbokie.” minho said gently. “he’s probably going to freak out tomorrow and he’ll need your support. i don’t want him to associate needing to repress himself with you.”

“but if you tell him…” felix knew that minho and chan had just gotten back on track with one another, he would hate for anything to ruin it.

“i won’t make the same mistakes as last time.” minho waved it off, unconcerned. “but your his appa, he needs to feel like he can trust you with himself 100%”

“right…” felix said quietly, understanding what minho meant. he took a deep breath, feeling somewhat calmer. there would be fallout, but minho’s confidence that things would work out put him at ease. finally able to smile, he looked up and tilted his head. “what did you say to hyunjinnie? you didn’t scare him too bad, did you hyung?”

“no.” minho grinned sharply, expression almost shark-like. “but he is coming to workout with me tomorrow morning so we can talk more about ‘responsible decision making’.”

felix grimaced, his heart going out to poor hyunjin knowing that minho’s 5am sharp wake-up time for the gym was not going to be a pretty one.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> almost at 200 kudos ;___; im glad this is making ppl happy. i really enjoy writing it!!
> 
> thanks to everyone leaving feedback and kudos. its so wonderful!!


	17. side story: hold me tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“remember you're still our adorable, cute, puppy seungminnie.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so Hwiyounicorn asked me if i had any plans on making another member little and i had been sort of playing with the idea. i just hadnt really decided who yet and it was more of wishful thinking on my part.
> 
> but then seungmin day happened, and i was struck with a brilliant idea. 
> 
> because i have a type and that type is hardworking, kindhearted people getting a break and being taken care of.
> 
> warnings: hyunjin & seungmin bffs, really soft, bby seungmin, minchan cameo
> 
> check the end notes for recs ;D

****

seungmin pursed his lips as he looked at himself in the full-length mirror. he wasn’t quite sure if this was his style to be honest. but hyunjin had practically begged him to wear the light-wash overalls after seungmin had asked him to grab a sweater from his closet. the overalls had been something he’d bought on a whim, but after trying to putan outfit together a few times, he determined they just weren’t his style.

“this looks like something i.n. should be wearing.” seungmin sighed, pulling at one of the straps.

hyunjin turned to look at him as he finished putting on some chapstick, his eyes widening. he nearly tripped over himself to stand behind seungmin, pulling one strap down so that it hung loose and then coo-ed adoringly.

“seungminnie! you look _adorable_.” hyunjin wrapped his arms around the younger man and squeezed.

seungmin was wearing a fluffy cream colored sweater underneath the overalls and hyunjin had a sudden spark of inspiration. with a gasp, he turned away and went to his own closet, rifling through his unfortunately disorganized hat collection until he found what he was looking for. a white beret with twin black stripes around it.

“now you look _perfect._ ” hyunjin said confidently as he placed the hat just so on seungmin’s head and then carefully put his hair back in place. “not that you aren’t always perfect, but you know what i mean.”

seungmin rolled his eyes, but there was a telltale blush on his cheeks at the compliment. no matter how often hyunjin or the other members complimented him, seungmin never seemed to get used to it. brushing it off casually, or thanking them humbly.

“are you ready to head out?” hyunjin asked, taking a moment to examine himself in the mirror and adjusting his own hair just so. he couldn’t help but smile at the pair of them in the mirror. he’d gone for a slightly more mature look, gray slacks and a striped button-up.

“uh huh.” seungmin reached up to pull lightly at the bangs covering his forehead before going over to his bed and grabbing his bag. he paused and looked at the desk near his bedside and hummed. “glasses or no glasses?”

hyunjin almost shrieked, clasping his hands together. “glasses!”

\- - - -

even if seungmin thought his outfit was questionable when they left, he quickly forgot about it during their outing. hyunjin brought him to a cozy restaurant for a traditional korean breakfast, knowing that was seungmin’s preference. after that they did some window shopping, with hyunjin letting seungmin take all the time he needed when something really caught his eye. it never ceased to tickle the older man that even if he was the one with ‘model looks’ it was seungmin who was more interested in fashion.

despite not meaning to, seungmin found himself buying two sweaters and a new hat. he had to cut himself off though and suggested they get ice cream for lunch, even though it was fairly chilly out.

they and a few other young people braved the cool air to buy ice cream. once they had their treats in hand, they headed to the closest park to eat their treats as quickly as possible. laughing at each other when the cold became too much and scrunched their faces to try and ward off the chill.

all in all, it was a very good day. they were getting busier and busier with each comeback, and while it meant they were becoming more successful, it also meant there was less time off to just relax. getting to spend the day with hyunjin like this was nice, a memory than seungmin would treasure and remember when times were rough and he felt exhausted.

“pictures!” seungmin blurted out, sticking his hand in his pocket to pull out his phone. it was a miracle really that they hadn’t taken a million selcas so far. but he’d been enjoying hyunjin’s company so much he hadn’t even thought about it.

“oh my god, we almost forgot.” hyunjin gasped, but he was smiling the whole while. he leaned in close to seungmin as the younger man held up his phone. “minnie, you look adorable.”

the blush on seungmin’s face made the next few selcas even better as hyunjin progressively pressed closer to him. eventually he pulled out his own phone so that he could take his own selcas, knowing seungmin would refuse to send them all.

they spent the next few minutes taking selcas and then individual pictures of one another under the guise that they would be great for stray kids instagram. but in reality, most of these pictures were just for them.

“my hands are starting to freeze.” seugmin finally said, as he tucked his hands into the sleeves of his fluffy sweater. “i didn’t realize it would get this cold.”

“its sort of overcast.” hyunjin commented, looking up at the sky. it didn’t look like rain, but the sun was hidden. he put an arm around seungmin, hoping to share his body heat. “you ready to go?”

seungmin nodded into hyunjin’s shoulder, soaking in as much warmth as he pleased.

\- - - -

it was quiet when they arrived back to the dorm. the lights were all off except for the colorful flashes coming from the television. seungmin and hyunjin were quick to quietly take off their shoes before sneaking past the couch. minho was sitting up right with chan cuddled into his chest, a blanket pulled over top of them with chan’s duck stuffie just peeking out from beneath. both little and caregiver were fast asleep, the tv still playing cartoons, but with the sound muted.

“i think this whole age regression thing had been good for minho hyung too.” hyunjin mused once they were in their room with the door closed. “he seems… gentler?”

seungmin stopped in the middle of pulling his new purchases out of his bag and turned to raise an eyebrow at hyunjin. “didn’t he just chew you out for helping chan hyung drop in public?”

hyunjin winced, the incident had been a few weeks ago, but he still felt the ghost pain from the merciless leg workouts minho had put him through the next day. “yeah, but he did it because he was worried.”

“hhmm.” was all seungmin offered as a response. hyunjin wasn’t wrong. minho had always been caring in his own way, but he had recently become much more aggressive about showing it. he wasn’t _nicer_ per se, just more intense. like, yes, he’d started cooking for them more - but it felt more like a threat than out of the goodness of his heart.

but then again seungmin was a little biased.

“seungminniieeee.” hyunjin crowed before he draped himself over the younger man’s back, wrapping his arms around his middle. he hummed gently and pressed his face against seungmin’s head. “i had so much fun with you today.”

seungmin sighed, letting go of the clothes and letting himself melt into hyunjin’s warm embrace. their room was always slightly too cold, and he appreciated his friend’s cuddles. it had taken him a long time to get used to this type of touchy-feely relationship, but now he could’t imagine living without it.

“thank you for suggesting it.” seungmin said, lacing his fingers through hyunjin’s. “it felt nice.”

they stood like that for a few moments before hyunjin pulled away and went to sit heavily on seungmin’s bed. before the younger man could protest, hyunjin pulled him into his lap, cradling him against his chest.

seungmin immediately wrapped his arms around hyunjin, unsure of the sudden position he found himself in. it was weirdly intimate, though not in a bad way necessarily. he was used to the warmth of the other members on his back or side, but there was something comforting about being chest to chest like this. if he wanted, he could press his ear against hyunjin’s chest and hear his heartbeat. the idea was tempting.

he let out a soft sound as hyunjin used a hand to tuck seungmin’s head underneath his chin. a buzzing warmth seemed to travel along his skin, tingling his fingertips and making him feel almost like he was floating. he could kind of see why chan liked being held like this.

“i might have, sort have been worried about you.” hyunjin murmured quietly as he rubbed seungmin’s back. “you hide it well from everyone, but i know you feel like you’ve been under a lot of pressure lately.”

they didn’t have to say why out loud. seungmin’s abrupt change to main vocalist as the second youngest member of their team had been intense. seungmin was already a hard worker, but when his team really needed him, he stepped up even more. more vocal training, extra dance lessons, supporting i.n. even more than he already had been. he’d accomplished a lot, and hyunjin couldn’t have been more proud of him.

that didn’t mean he wasn’t worried about him. seungmin and chan were similar in the way that they would put work before themselves, though seungmin at least understood that part of working hard was keeping his body healthy. that didn’t mean seungmin wasn’t just as prone to ignoring his own stress build up as chan was though. if anything, they fed off of one another with how they both more often than not ended up staying until early in the morning at the jyp main building.

“remember you're still our adorable, cute, puppy seungminnie.” hyunjin said. he reached up to take seungmin’s hat off so that he could run his finger’s through the younger man’s hair. “don’t want you to wear yourself out.”

seungmin huffed gently, but could’t find it in himself to respond. hyunjin’s body was warm and strong, holding him up so that he didn’t have to. he could feel himself practically melting into the other man’s body. the finger’s playing in his hair were soothing, and the tingling feeling returned intensely. he wasn’t sure why or how it happened, but he found himself mouthing gently at the collar of hyunjin’s shirt.

it felt nice and grounding to have something in his mouth, and hyunjin’s scent made him feel safe. he let himself drift, letting out a soft sigh of contentment every once in a while. seemingly unaware of his own actions as he continued his gentle teething.

but a few minutes later, he felt the hand petting his hair stop and he let out a discontent whine around the fabric in his mouth.

“minnie?” hyunjin’s voice was hushed. “are you…?”

seungmin closed his eyes, vaguely becoming aware of the fog he’d fallen into. the tingling was there, and he so desperately wanted to give himself over to it. but that ever present sense of responsibility nagged at the back of his mind, telling him should stop. he whined again, this time frustrated with himself as he clung to hyunjin tightly.

“ssh, sshh.” hyunjin rubbed his back in soothing circles. “it’s okay, minnie. not sure if my shirt is the best thing for you to eat though.”

hyunjin’s voice was soft and amused as he reached down to gently remove his soaked collar from seungmin’s mouth. that caused the younger man to let out a dissatisfied whimper and immediately he stuck two fingers in his mouth, sucking on them defiantly.

hyunjin groaned quietly. “should have seen that one coming.”

he quickly looked around the room, his bag had been discarded by his own bed and seungmin’s bag was near his desk. both of them had pacifiers to spare, though reaching one could prove to be a bit of a problem. hyunjin didn’t want to move and potentially upset seungmin, but at the same time, he really needed the younger man to stop putting his fingers in his mouth.

 _how does minho hyung do this._ hyunjin wondered as he slowly stood up, balancing seungmin on his hip. he’d carried chan before, but not with the intent of doing other things as well. he carefully kept seungmin steady, rocking him gently so that the other kept calm. he was so quiet, that hyunjin was terrified he would either knock seungmin out of his new headspace or he’d start crying.

he eventually made his way to seungmin’s bag, which was closest and used on hand to dig around. past the notebooks, wallet, hand wipes and myriad of other things seungmin kept in there, he eventually felt the pacifier in one of the inner pockets. he pulled it out triumphantly, smiling a little at the pale yellow color. seungmin may have picked it out for chan, but hyunjin thought it suited him just as well.

he adeptly used his hand to remove seungmin’s fingers from his mouth, and seungmin barely got out a syllable of a whine before hyunjin popped the pacifier in. for a moment seungmin didn’t seem to know what to do, but then he carefully began to suck. hyunjin hummed gently, bouncing the younger man as he let him get used to the sensation. he realized rather quickly that seungmin seemed to be alternating between sucking on the pacifier and chewing on it.

 _maybe he needs something different_. hyunjin considered as he went back to the bed and sat down. he supposed he’d have to do his own research, maybe ask minho about it. maybe not ever little used a pacifier. hyunjin blushed, pressing his cheek to seungmin’s hair as he realized just how excited he was getting. its not like he could have predicted this would happen, but he could admit to thinking that it might be cute if seungmin regressed like chan. he _worried_ about the younger man.

hyunjin closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, calming himself down. before he even considered this being a _thing_ , he and seungmin were going to have to talk about it. for now, he could just let seungmin take the comfort he needed and enjoy the moment while he could.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if your as whipped for little seungmin as i am, please check out these lovely stories. they are some of my faves:
> 
> [Sunflowers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24249832/chapters/58435645) by Ramencat5
> 
> [Dino boy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25506148/chapters/61878676) by bunnybinnie
> 
> hope you check them out and hope you enjoyed this little side story!


	18. ease your worried mind pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“chan!” changbin looked distressed, glancing at where chan was holding his arm. “i really don’t have time to play with you right now.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was so happy to see so many people enjoyed the last chapter! i promise its not the only time you'll see little seungminnie. someone's already given me a cute suggestion.
> 
> i've been itching to write this one though, especially after the jisung and i.n. chapter becuz im 3racha biased. i will say, it did sort of get away from me so its about 2 or 3 parts.
> 
> warnings: sad chan :C, perceived rejection, angst, this one hurts...
> 
> edit: if you read this chapter before, i added somethin' to the end.

chan tapped idly on his laptop, trying to keep focused on the track he was editing. he was struggling though, and had been for the past hour that he and changbin had been sitting in the studio. they were supposed to have started working while waiting for jisung to show up, but chan could admit to himself that he hadn’t gotten very much done so far. and he was ashamed to say that it was because he was very distracted by the other member of 3racha currently in the room with him.

it wasn’t anything _bad_ per se, just.. well.

chan held in a sigh that threatened to spill from his lips, glancing over his laptop to see if changbin had noticed his unusual behavior. but the younger man’s nose was stuck in his notebook, slumped a little in his seat as he wrote away. changbin’s inability to multi-task was legendary and chan could have been hemming and hawing for the past hour without the other man so much as twitching.

it was probably the only good thing about the situation, because chan was terribly distracted by his thoughts and he had zero desire to talk about it with changbin. it made him feel slightly guilty because he often felt he could talk about _anything_ with the other man. changbin was down-to-earth, a good listener and honest.

definitely honest…

chan let out an audible sigh this time, running a hand through his hair. thinking back to what had happened four days ago.

\- - - -

chan wasn’t very interested in whatever game felix and seungmin were playing on the tv in the living room. they had set up the switch so that they could play and keep an eye on chan while he built towers with his blocks on the floor. eventually though, chan got bored and after blinking curiously at the brightly colored screen, he decided he was uninterested and wanted to see what the others were up to.

chan picked up his mostly empty sippy cup and pulled the hood of his duck onesie up onto his head, giggling softly to himself as he headed out of the room. both felix and seungmin were too absorbed in their game to even notice that he had wandered out of their sight.

chan knew that his appa _hated_ when he wandered away. he said it was it was the little’s only bad habit. chan tried _really, really_ hard not to. but sometimes he just got so bored, and he wanted to explore and see what fun things he could find. at the moment, he wanted to look for changbin, he’d seen the other man go into the dining room with his laptop at one point, and chan wondered what he was up to.

he didn’t get to spend a lot of time with changbin, the other was always busy working like jisung. it sort of made chan sad, because changbin seemed _so cool_ and he really wanted to spend time with everyone!

chan hummed blithely to himself as he toddled into the dining room, immediately brightening upon seeing changbin sitting at the table with his laptop open and his headphones on. grinning widely, chan ran up to him, forgetting that he wasn’t supposed to run on the slippery floors. he almost fell over, but managed to catch himself on changbin’s chair with a squeak of surprise.

“holy sh—“ changbin just managed to catch himself as he jumped in his seat. blinking, the dark-haired rapper took off his head phones and put them around his neck, looking at chan with alarm. “channie! what are you doing? you could have fallen!”

chan blinked, shaking his head to clear it before looking at changbin with a bright smile. “wanna see hyungie!” he chirped, bouncing on his toes.

changbin gave him a small half-smile, though he looked vaguely worried. “weren’t you playing with your appa and seungminnie?”

chan rolled his eyes. “appa an’ hyungie playin’ _swish_.”

“ah, i see.” changbin nodded. “well, i’m sure if you tell them—“

“whatcha watchin’?” chan leaned in close so that he could peer at changbin’s screen. he didn’t particularly care, but he wanted to spend time with him. “can channie see?”

“no!’ changbin quickly pulled the laptop away and closed it firmly. “no, no, sorry. its private.”

chan frowned, eyebrows knitting together. “but i wanna—“

“kid, c’mon.” changbin practically pleaded, looking nervous. “why don’t you go grab your coloring book and i’ll come say hi later? i’m pretty busy right now.”

chan’s frown only deepened, and in an act of defiance he stomped his foot. “hyungie always busy!” he dropped his sippy cup and grabbed onto changbin’s arm. “p’ease! channie be quiet!”

“chan!” changbin looked distressed, glancing at where chan was holding his arm. “i really don’t have time to play with you right now.”

“binnie hyungie never has time!”

apparently their voices had gotten loud enough that someone had taken notice. minho appeared in the doorway, hair a mess and glowering slightly from having just been woken up from a nap. the second oldest took a moment to assess the situation before heaving a sigh and marching over to the table.

“chan, i know you aren’t raising your voice at your hyung.” the sleep roughness of his voice made the reprimand even sharper than normal.

the little stiffened slightly, slowly removing his hands from where he had been clutching changbin. he glanced up at the other man, eyes pleading. but changbin only looked relieved to see minho, smiling gratefully. chan didn’t know what to call the feeling that started to stir inside him at that moment.

“chan.” minho folded his arms over his chest as he looked down at the little. “look at me.”

chan turned hesitantly to face him, biting his lip. “c-channie jus’ wan’ed to—“

“its late. you're being loud _and_ rude toward changbin.” minho admonished sharply. “and weren’t you supposed to be with your appa anyway?”

“appa busy!” chan’s voice started to raise again, but as soon as minho’s eyes narrowed, he quieted down. he clasped his hands together, fidgeting with his fingers. “j-just wan’ed to see binnie hyungie…”

“if your hyung tells you that he’s busy, he’s busy.” minho said firmly. “apologize now, and then we’re going to bed. i can talk with your appa about keeping a closer eye on you later.”

chan’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “no! is too early!! yunho hyungie s’not fair!” he glanced over at changbin, hoping for some back up.

but the other man just grimaced slightly before looking at his laptop. chan bit his lip, the weird feeling returning again before he looked back at minho who was holding out his hand. for a moment, chan froze, unsure of himself and what he was doing, his headspace wavering slightly. it was only when minho cleared his throat that he snapped back and he took the other man’s hand reluctantly.

“aren’t you forgetting something?”

chan swallowed nervously before turning slightly toward changbin. he could barely look up at him, instead focusing on the edge of the table. he wasn’t exactly sure how it all went wrong, but he felt awful.

“s-sorry hyungie.” chan said quietly, feeling tears starting to well-up in his eyes. he sniffled reflexively, trying to stop the crying before it could start. it would probably only annoy changbin more. “won’t _bov’er_ again. p-promise.”

“right. have a good night, kiddo.” changbin’s voice sounded nicer than before, but chan was still afraid to look up. instead he turned and shuffled closer to minho, bowing his head as he heard changbin add. “thanks minho hyung.”

\- - - -

chan slumped low in his seat, worrying his lip. his memory of being little could sometimes be unreliable, and there were some things that he just completely forgot. but that specific memory stuck with him in full detail. he knew it had happened because there had been a point when he’d been close to slipping out of little headspace. that weird feeling in his stomach that he couldn’t identify as a little. he knew what it was as soon as he’d been big again.

 _shame_ , _disgust._

the idea scared him, big or little. that maybe - _maybe_ changbin didn’t like little chan.

he didn’t act any differently when chan was big. they worked well together, laughed together and still did the stupid aegyo voices at one another that made the other member’s cringe. literally, the only thing that seemed to have changed was changbin’s reaction him being little. he just seemed so _awkward_ about it.

it wasn’t the first time that changbin had seen him little. but it had been the first time they’d been one-on-one. he tried to remember if changbin had ever been awkward around him in little space before. but the last time he remembered, changbin and jisung had been yelling at him for hanging upside off the side of one of the bunkbeds. they’d made him sit on his bed for time-out until felix got home and that was when the actual punishment had happened.

it worried chan that maybe changbin was just being polite. putting up with the whole thing, but not really being comfortable. _its likely that_. chan thought, resigned. it was a little too much to hope that they would all be okay with his regression. it was _weird_ and he should be grateful that changbin even put up with it for this long.

chan had to let him know it was okay if he wanted them all to tone it down. it was his job as leader to make sure everyone was comfortable.

“ _seo changbiiin_.” chan called, trying to keep his tone light. his heart was pounding inside his chest, but he tried his best to act like he was relaxed. “binnie bin binnie boo.”

changbin looked up, a little startled, and slightly disturbed by chan’s tone. “aren’t you working? why are you being so weird.”

though his words were harsh, his tone was light. it helped ease chan’s fears a little bit. whatever problem changbin had with little chan, he didn’t have it with big chan.

“i’m working very hard, trust me.” chan winked, laughing when changbin pulled a face. settling down, he leaned back in his chair. “y’know, if theres anything you want to talk to me about… you can.”

changbin stared at him blankly. “what?”

“like, if theres something you're concerned about.” chan added. “or something you don’t like, you can tell me.”

“chan hyung, i always tell you when theres something i don’t like on a track.” changbin raised an eyebrow. “you and hannie always shut me down though.”

“majority rules.” chan reminded him, but then quickly shook his head. “not about the music. but…about anything. like if something is happening and you don’t like it, you can talk to me. and we’ll figure something out.”

changbin stared at him in silence for a few beats, his eyes narrowing. changbin had always had an intense gaze, and he tried his best to mitigate it with gentle smiles so as not to intimidate people. this time, though, he seemed to be trying to figure something out.

“hyung, is this about—-“

the door to the studio burst open and han jisung tumbled in, hands full of bags and a tray a drinks. he looked rattled, his hair a a skew. “oh my god, minho hyung and i almost _died—-_!”

chan sighed, feeling oddly relieved. he knew it was cowardly, but he couldn’t help but be grateful to putting the talk off for a little longer.

\- - - -

“i thought you were staying home today.” felix looked up in surprise at minho sitting across from him. they had been discussing plans for the day, and he had been certain that the older man had been planning on staying home with chan.

minho furrowed his eyebrows. “no, i promised seungmin and i.n. that i’d ‘chaperone’ them to some exhibit.” minho pushed his own breakfast away. “weren’t you staying home?”

“no.” felix shook his head rapidly, concern filling his voice. “han and i made plans. thats why he’s even awake this early.”

minho blinked slowly, his hands curling into fists on the table. it wasn’t anyone’s fault necessarily, a lack of communication, but that meant that neither of them would be here for chan. the older man had gone to bed cranky, a tell-tale sign that he was likely to wake up little. none of them wanted to pass up a chance for chan to regress freely.

“hyunjin?” felix asked hopeful. “isn’t he supposed to be back today?”

“not until later this afternoon.” minho sighed. “he’s spending the whole day with family.”

the two caregivers contemplated a solution, feeling slightly ashamed that they had overlooked something so important. then, as if heaven sent, a barely awake changbin shuffled into the kitchen. he looked rumpled, eyes barely open as he plopped down next to minho, grabbing the box of cereal that had been left out on the table. without any pre-amble, he stuck his hand in the box and began shoveling the flakes into his mouth.

minho looked slightly disgusted, while felix just looked amused. but realization quickly hit and they both looked at one another, before turning their attention to changbin.

“hyung…” felix started sweetly, knowing changbin had a hard time resisting his charms. “are you going anywhere today?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear to god though, everyone loves bby channie. changbin is just dkklasfhjk, you know. also feel free to guess/suggest what he was watching. all i know was that it was not child friendly >__>
> 
> next chapter preview:
> 
> _every once in a while he would glance up at changbin, only to see that he’d pulled out his phone and seemed to be engrossed in whatever he was doing. trying to ignore you. a treacherous voice whispered in the back of chan’s head. he suppressed a whimper by picking up his sippy cup and gulping down the milk as quickly as possible._


	19. ease your worried mind pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“— happened? are you feeling sick? talk to me, kiddo.” changbin said urgently, wiping at the tear tracks on chan’s face with his thumbs. “calm down, okay? don’t cry, don’t cry…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel bad about making people worried last chapter. idk why the changbin chapter decided to be angsty, but thats what happened. i swear it will all turn out okay though.
> 
> this one is extra long, but it didn't make sense to split it up again. but that means no dread cliffhangers!
> 
> also, tags updated and warnings actually relevant to this chapter.
> 
> warnings: perceived rejection, anxiety, accidents, misunderstandings the part deux, its all gonna be okay

****

chan wrinkled his nose as he felt his body stir awake. waking up was the absolute worst part of sleeping, and he always fought it when he could. eventually though, it was no use and he found himself blinking awake, rays of daylight shining through the cracks of the window curtains. he felt well-rested, and surprisingly content. he vaguely remembered felix ushering him into his blue star onesie the night before, even as he moaned about not needing it and feeling fine.

chan huffed a little, reaching out blindly until his hand hit his big stuffed duck and he brought the toy closer to him to cuddle. felix had been right of course, he had been feeling little, and he was already teetering into headspace this morning. that was fine, they had the day off and that meant he would get to spend it with his appa and hyungs.

smiling into his stuffie chan turned over in his bed to look at the other bunks. his brow furrowed a little as he quickly realized he was the only one in the room and _then_ noticed the dorm seemed suspiciously quiet. curious, chan slipped out of bed, still keeping hold of his stuffed duckie for comfort. he padded out into the living room first, looking for felix or minho, but all he found was changbin, laying on the couch, eyes closed and headphones on.

chan stiffened, stopping in his tracks as he watched the sleeping man. the icky feeling from before started in his stomach again and he turned and quietly crept back toward the bedrooms, hoping that someone else was still asleep. but after checking every bed thoroughly, and even crawling underneath just in case someone was hiding, chan came to the conclusion that _no one else_ was there besides changbin and himself.

clutching his duckie tightly to his chest, chan stood in the hallway, wondering what he should do. he knew that changbin didn’t really like him, and he was honestly scared to bother him. whimpering quietly, chan pressed his thumb into his mouth, trying to soothe himself. maybe he could take care of himself this once, and prove to changbin that he wasn’t so terrible to be around.

feeling a little hopeful, chan padded his way to the kitchen, thumb still lodged in his mouth. once in the kitchen, he stood in the center of the room, feeling a little lost. minho and felix didn’t like when he was in the kitchen without supervision, he’d had too many _incidents_ , some of which had involved sharp objects. chan chewed his lip, feeling bad for disobeying the rules, but also wanted to prove he could handle things like a big boy.

taking a deep breath, chan set his duckie on the counter out of harms way before heading over to the refrigerator. with a huff, he opened it and then peered inside a little awestruck by all of the things inside. there were all different types of juice, milk and other drinks among the food containers stuffed inside. his eyes instantly zero’d in on some coca-cola, his mouth watering at the thought. no one ever let him have soda, not even _jisung_.

feeling brave, chan reached for the can near the bottom of the fridge. he grinned once he had the can in his clutches, giggling a little at the mischief he was getting away with.

“chan? _what_ are you _doing?”_

chan squeaked in surprise, nearly dropping the can in his hand. he slammed the fridge door shut and turned to see changbin entering the kitchen, a deep frown on his face. without preamble, the dark-haired man plucked the can from chan’s loose grip and set it on top of the fridge out of the way.

“what was that? you know you aren’t supposed to be in the kitchen alone.” changbin folded his arms across his chest, looking properly upset.

chan felt himself cower slightly, moving a step back from the other man. even though changbin was the only one shorter than chan, he still manage to make him feel the smallest - and not necessarily in a good way. the little looked down at his feet, ears burning with embarrassment.

“s-sorry.” he whispered. “jus’ wanted a drink.”

“you should have just asked.” changbin sighed. “go sit down at the table, kiddo. i’ll get you breakfast.”

chan immediately scurried to the dining room table, too afraid of making changbin more upset to go back for his duckie. he settled into a chair, squirming slightly as he waited. he watched changbin move around the kitchen, wanting to ask what he was getting from breakfast, but also wanting to not bother the other man. with a quiet sigh, chan slipped his thumb into his mouth and then rested his head on the table, wishing minho and felix were there instead.

a few minutes later, changbin made his way to the table with one of chan’s yellow plates in one hand a sippy cup full of milk in the other. chan was surprised to see toast with peanut butter and apple slices, both things he really enjoyed. he almost managed a smile when changbin set the food in front of him until the other man spoke.

“seriously, its like you want minho hyung to kill me.” changbin said as he sat across from chan. “if he found out you’d drank soda i’d be _dead._ ”

chan felt his stomach drop, and he looked down at his plate of food. he hadn’t meant to do anything to cause trouble! the whole point was to prove he could take care of himself so that changbin would like him more. any appetite he had, quickly disappeared and he found himself poking idly at the rapidly cooling toast on his plate.

every once in a while he would glance up at changbin, only to see that he’d pulled out his phone and seemed to be engrossed in whatever he was doing. _trying to ignore you._ a treacherous voice whispered in the back of chan’s head. he suppressed a whimper by picking up his sippy cup and gulping down the milk as quickly as possible.

that, however, proved to be a mistake a few minutes later when he suddenly started squirming uncomfortably in his seat. usually when someone woke him up, they would take him to the bathroom first thing, even if he didn’t feel like he had to go. since chan had gotten up himself, he hadn’t even thought about going to the potty.

peeking up at changbin, chan realized there was _no way_ he could ask for help with the bathroom. he was sure the older man would do it, but he’d probably be disgusted the whole time. chan looked down at his lap, the uncomfortable feeling in his bladder growing by the second. eventually, he knew he couldn’t wait any longer.

“h-hyung…” chan tried his best to not sound whiny. “can channie.. can i go potty, erm, bathroom?”

changbin looked up from his phone, glancing at chan’s full plate and then the fidgeting little in front of him. he frowned but still nodded his permission. “sure, kiddo, you need me to go with you?”

“uh-uh.” chan said quickly, shaking his head. “channie, um, i-i can do it!”

“if your sure…” changbin didn’t sound completely convinced, but allowed it nonetheless. he watched with sharp eyes as chan slid out of his seat. “and when you come back, your finishing breakfast.”

“y-yes hyung!” chan called as he scurried away to the bathroom, pressing his hands to himself to try and keep the pressure from building.

he quickly darted into the bathroom, not even bothering to close the door. but once he was inside, he realized his lack of planning. when he wore onesies like this, someone always helped him get out because the buttons were hard to do on his own. panic growing, chan bounced in place and began fumbling with his buttons. it became fairly obvious that he was not adept at undoing them though, and the anxiety he was feeling only made the pressure in his bladder worse.

whimpering as the buttons slipped through his clumsy fingers, chan squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to just hold off. but there wasn’t much else he could do. tears welling in his eyes, chan curling into himself as he felt his bladder release and warm liquid soiled his underwear and onesie. before he knew it, he was outright crying, hands covering his face in shame. _your such a dumb, baby. no wonder changbin hyung doesn’t want to be around you._ the mean voice inside his head mocked.

chan was so far gone with his crying that he didn’t even notice anyone else entering until he felt warm hands cupping his cheeks, trying to draw his attention. chan looked up blearily, lowering his hands so that he could see who had found him. his cries almost renewed when he saw changbin looking at him, brows knitted and talking so quickly that chan couldn’t make out what he was saying at first.

“— happened? are you feeling sick? talk to me, kiddo.” changbin said urgently, wiping at the tear tracks on chan’s face with his thumbs. “calm down, okay? don’t cry, don’t cry…”

chan sniffled, trying to obey the other man even though it was hard. “h-had acc’dent, didn’t mean to! m’sorry!”

“channie, kid, its like you said, it was an accident, right?” changbin said, trying to reassure him. he glanced down at the rumpled state of the front of chan’s onesie. “the buttons got to you, huh?”

chan let out another sob, nodding and feeling foolish. he expected changbin to roll his eyes, or just tell him to clean up and stop acting like a baby. but the harsh words never came. instead, he felt a hand run through his hair soothingly.

“okay, new plan. bath time, then we finish breakfast, then we talk about what happened?”

“t-talk?” chan asked, hiccuping. “n-not mad at channie?”

“no way, kiddo, i should have gone with you.” changbin sighed and smiled self-deprecatingly. “i’m sure you can tell, i’m not great at this.”

chan peered up at him, surprised at the admission. changbin’s smile was tense, and the light in his eyes dim. it reminded chan of the night he’d tried to spend time with changbin and the other had tried to push him away. but this time, he could see sadness there, but it wasn’t directed at him. confused, chan reached out to touch changbin’s cheek, right beneath his eye.

“hyungie not sad.” chan urged with a wobbly voice. “channie made mess.”

changbin looked at him in surprise, the tension melting from his face. “maybe we both did.” he admitted quietly. he took chan’s hand in his and squeezed gently. “alright, lets get you cleaned up, kiddo.”

\- - - -

one warm bath later and chan was outfitted in a baby blue sweater and comfortable yellow shorts. his hair was still wet and a bit of a disaster from changbin trying to wash it. only too quickly stop when chan kicked up a fuss about having his hair washed.

_“its the water in your face, right? i don’t like that either.”_

it was the first time anyone had correctly articulated why hair washing scared him when he was little. he didn’t like the shampoo and water being able to roll into his eyes and mouth, and it freaked him out to have to keep his eyes closed until the rinse was complete. of course with it half done, he looked like a startled bird, but changbin had just called him cute and decided it wasn’t worth worrying about.

chan was seated on the couch, his duck blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he waited for changbin to return with breakfast. he was suckling lightly at his pacifier, though he’d stopped crying some time ago, it gave him some comfort. this one was black, not one of his usual ones that he kept in his bedroom.

“since its literally past lunchtime, i just made you a sandwich and some chips.” changbin announced as he made his way into the living room. “you good with that? i mean.. uh, is that okay with you, channie?”

chan perked up, sandwiches were good but chips were an even better prize. changbin seemed encouraged by his enthusiasm and set the plate down on the coffee table before sitting on the couch next to chan. they both looked at each other for a second, unsure when changbin cleared his throat and opened his arms.

“y’don’t have to, but..”

chan nearly threw himself onto changbin’s lap, causing the other to let out a tiny ‘oof’ and then a quiet chuckle. chan sighed contently, resting his head on changbin’s shoulder, all of a sudden quite uninterested in lunch. he was just happy to be able to snuggle with his hyung.

“i swear i’ll get better at this, kiddo.” changbin said quietly, wrapping his arms around the little securely and pressing his cheek to chan’s hair. “i never meant to make you feel bad.”

chan hummed around his pacifier before letting it slip out of his mouth so he could speak. “s’okay hyungie. channie happy now.”

 _“oh my god._ ” changbin part whispered, part squeaked under his breath. “your so cute. i promise i won’t fuc— mess up again!”

chan giggled softly into changbin’s neck. “hyungie say bad word. hyungie say fu—“

changbin quickly popped chan’s abandoned pacifier back into his mouth, his face going red from embarrassment. but he couldn’t help the smile that spilled across his face as he looked at chan’s dimpled smile and bright eyes.

“lets keep that word to ourselves, huh?” changbin raised an eyebrow and bounced chan a little o his lap. “hyung was gonna say ‘fudge’ anyway.”

after spending some time cuddling, changbin eventually coaxed chan into eating something. it turned out that the little was ravenous and changbin gladly let him eat his fill and more. after more chips and another half a sandwich, chan declared himself full and wrapped himself around changbin like an octopus, refusing to let changbin out of his grasp now that he finally had him.

“you don’t wanna play or anything, kiddo?” changbin asked, looking down at him. “i’m down for whatever you want to do.”

chan snuggled closer to changbin, pressing his forehead against changbin’s neck. he was content and happy that he finally got to spend time with his hyung. sure his elsa doll was great, and coloring was _so_ much fun. but this was the first time he’d ever gotten to do this with changbin.

“wanna be with hyungie.” chan insisted, fingers curling tightly into the fabric of the other man’s shirt.

changbin seemed to pause and think for a moment before he reached up and ran a hand through chan’s messy hair. “what if i played with you?”

chan suddenly lifted his head, eyes bright and wondering. “r-really?!” he squeaked. “hyungie plays with channie?”

the look in changbin’s eyes softened and he nodded. “of course, kiddo.”

“n-not bo’vering hyungie?” chan asked, just for reassurance.

“bother— oh, _oh no._ ” changbin seemed to realize something. he hugged chan tight to him and said quietly. “you aren’t bothering me. i want to hang out with you, kiddo. i’m sorry i ever made you think differently.”

“s’okay hyungie.” chan said brightly, just happy to be held tight.

with a newfound determination, changbin grasped chan tightly before getting up from the couch with the little in his arms. he smiled as chan wrapped his arms and legs more securely around him, pleased at how easy it was for him to pick the other up. the other member’s might make fun of him for his gym routine, but the results meant he got to carry chan like this without breaking a sweat. if anything, the weight and warmth was almost comforting.

“alright, lets go play, yeah?” changbin started walking toward chan’s room, a bounce in his step. “i wanna see this elsa doll hyunjin bought you, he better not have gotten you a cheap one.”

“elsa so pretty!” chan gasped, and immediately launched into babbling about his newest favorite toy. the earlier accident only a fleeting memory as queen elsa and his changbin hyung took precedent.

\- - - -

“hyung…”

chan looked up right before taking a bite of chicken. changbin had stopped eating and was watching him from across the table, a contemplative look in his eyes. it was quite late, and they’d only turned on one light so that they could see while they ate, not wanting to accidentally disturb the other sleeping members.

“whats up?” chan asked, tilting his head a little.

“hmm.” changbin glanced away, seemingly a little nervous or even embarrassed judging by the light blush on his cheeks. “that thing you wanted to talk to me about a while back. in the studio?”

chan furrowed his brow, confused, trying to remember what exactly he was referring to. it took a moment, but then he realized changbin must have been thinking of when jisung had cut him off the night he had been stressing about changbin’s reaction to him in little space.

“aa-ah,” chan nodded. “don’t worry about it.”

changbin bit his lip. “no, i just wanted to make sure… uh, were you going to ask about that night with the laptop?”

chan blinked at him, surprised that he was even bringing it up. after chan’s accident, changbin had really stepped up to try and make chan comfortable. they were both learning how the other worked, though. changbin didn’t have much experience with little kids, and little chan was intimidated by someone who seemed so aloof. though they might have started off on the wrong foot, they quickly found a style that suited them.

chan had nearly forgotten about the original incident that made him doubt changbin. “oh, yeah… i had been worried that you didn’t like me when i was little.”

it felt oddly freeing to admit it now. though he instantly felt bad when he saw the horrified look on changbin’s face.

“oh my god, not at all.” changbin said immediately. “i love you hyung, but you’ve got nothing on the kid. those are just facts.”

chan immediately laughed, eyes crinkling and dimples appearing on his face. changbin couldn’t help but giggle along, the air feeling soft and comfortable in the dim light of the dining room. it was peaceful, even if they were both exhausted and hungry at 3am and had to wake up for a full day at 10.

“i was, um, just doing some research.” changbin couldn’t quite look at chan. “but some of the music videos were rather, uh, explicit. and not appropriate for you to see.”

“oh?” chan raised an eyebrow. “ _oh._ awww, binnie, thats so sweet.”

chan reached over to try and pinch changbin’s cheek, laughing as his hands was swatted away.

changbin moaned, slumping in seat. “i was trying to be a good hyung!”

“and i appreciate it.” chan said. “though maybe next time keep it in the bedro—“

“ _yah!”_ changbin hissed, barely controlling his volume as he reached across to try and tug at chan’s ear. “it was music research!”

chan laughed, barely dodging changbin’s playful attacks, food abandoned as they goofed off. things weren’t quite perfect. but it was uniquely them, and neither of them would change it for the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> told you it would turn out fine!!
> 
> eventually i'll circle back to 3racha and write a chapter about the one and only time they were allowed to babysit together. and how when felix came back chan got to tell him all the Cool New words he learned uwu
> 
> reviews and kudos are loved! as are suggestions and requests ;)


	20. center of his world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _felix didn’t have to be told twice as he followed minho out of the kitchen, making sure to turn off the lights as they left. he felt oddly nervous as minho opened the door, feeling like he needed to be extra quiet and extra gentle. once he was inside, he closed the door gently. following after minho at a slower pace as to not overwhelm chan._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aah, so this update is a bit of a surprise to me. i'm currently in the middle of a longer two parter, but then i got sudden inspiration to write this.
> 
> berries actually suggested felix bottle feeding chan. but i had already headcanoned that as minho-chan thing in this verse BUT i found a way to include both.
> 
> this is just a sweet, soft chapter tbh. which im happy about because the angst is not far off.
> 
> warnings: really soft hours, protective minho, bby bby chans, felix loves everyone tbh

****

felix didn’t know much about minho and chan’s private regression time together. he and the others just knew that occasionally minho would sent a text to their group chat asking not to be disturbed that night, and the rest of them would abide by their wishes. they knew it was important to minho and chan to spend that time together, and the oldest of them deserved what little private time they could get.

all felix knew was that chan regressed very young, so young that he barely spoke and needed minho to carry him everywhere. occasionally they’d see minho taking chan to the bathroom, but it felt almost transgressive to interrupt them. so instead they gave them space, and kept quiet as possible so as not to disturb them.

and it wasn’t that he wasn’t curious. felix adored chan, no matter what age headspace he was in. and little chan who ran around excitedly whenever he got a new toy, or enthusiastically chatted away during meals was positively one of the most adorable things felix felt blessed to witness. but the idea of quiet, soft, tiny chan - felix could admit to be a little jealous about not being able to witness that.

but despite that slight twinge of envy, he would never even think about intruding upon minho and chan’s time together. he knew just how hard it had been for them to even get to this point again, how much they’d sacrificed before this. his secret desire was nothing compared to what minho and chan deserved.

that was the _only_ reason he hesitated when he walked into the kitchen at 2am and found minho standing near the counter in his pajamas shaking a bottle over the sink.

felix couldn’t say he was completely shocked, not after he’d done copious amounts of research on age regression. but somehow, it hadn’t completely dawned on him that bottle feeding would even be an option with chan.

“you can come in ‘bokie, i won’t bite.” minho sounded tired, but surprisingly warm considering the time of night.

“i didn’t want to bother you.” felix murmured quietly. he was had come into to grab something to drink from the fridge, but found himself wandering over to where minho stood, watching him curiously. “is that…?”

“just warm milk.” minho answered. “with a hint of vanilla and honey.”

“oh.” felix said softly, nodding along. he fiddled with the sleeves of his shirt, tons of questions on the tip of his tongue, but reeling his curiosity in enough to only ask one. “do you need help with anything?”

“hhmm.” minho hummed slightly as he finished shaking the bottle. he seemed contemplative for a moment before he turned his head to look at felix directly. “not really. but if you want to come with me, you can.”

felix’s breath caught in his chest, and his eyes widened in disbelief. no one had asked about minho and chan’s private time, and no one had expected to be let in either. he hesitated for a moment, despite how excited he felt at the invitation. “you don’t have to, hyung. i know this time is important to you.”

minho laughed quietly and pushed his shoulder against felix’s. “let’s go.”

felix didn’t have to be told twice as he followed minho out of the kitchen, making sure to turn off the lights as they left. he felt oddly nervous as minho opened the door, feeling like he needed to be extra quiet and extra gentle. once he was inside, he closed the door gently. following after minho at a slower pace as to not overwhelm chan.

the little was curled up in minho’s bed, covers half thrown off his body. at first felix thought he might already be asleep, but as he got closer he could hear quiet babbling and see chan gently playing with the feet of his duck plushie. as soon as minho sat down though, chan’s attention was on him at once, a soft cry of happiness making felix’s heart melt.

minho beckoned him over with the bottle, his attention still completely on chan, gently carding his fingers through the little’s messy hair. felix sat gingerly beside minho on the bed, unable to keep himself from coo-ing quietly at what he was seeing.

“baba-ah, baba-ba!” chan’s voice was soft and sweet, so different than his usual boisterous tone. the little was reaching out for minho, and didn’t have to wait long for the caregiver to pull him into his arms. chan gurgled happily once he was safely in minho’s grasp, resting his head against the other man’s shoulder and looking up at him in adoration.

“yes, yes, i have your bottle right here.” minho couldn’t even pretend to be exasperated.

felix watched as minho gently eased the nipple of the bottle into chan’s mouth, tilting it slightly as the little began to drink. compared to how fast he usually tried to eat his meals, chan in this headspace was a drowsy drinker, content to fist his hands i minho’s t-shirt. his eyes drifted half-closed, but never left minho’s face completely.

“he’s so- “ felix murmured quietly, half to himself, struggling to articulate what he meant. “ so, _tiny_ , like this.”

minho said nothing at first, all of his concentration seemingly on chan in the moment. but then he finally glanced over at felix, his face almost pensive before he spoke.

“if someone were to break in here. a sasaeng or a burglar, chan would be completely dependent on me to protect him.” minho looked back at chan, his gaze intense. “and i would, i’d kill _anyone_ who tried to hurt him.”

there was something raw, a slight undercurrent of anger even, in minho’s last statement. felix was very much reminded of the nature documentaries the older man would sometimes watch, the fierce protectiveness of a cheetah defending her helpless cubs, ready to fend over animals twice as big as her to keep them safe. maybe the intensity of minho’s words should have scared felix, but he couldn’t help but feel something similar. chan too often put himself at risk to protect them, taking any criticism, any punishment, any attack and re-directing it to himself.

felix leaned his shoulder against minho’s, not able to properly express how grateful he was to the older man. not just for himself and the other younger members, but for chan as well.

“would you like to try?” minho said suddenly, looking over at him, one eyebrow raised.

“please.” felix couldn’t stop himself from begging, no matter how pathetic.

minho eased the bottle away from chan, the little still having maybe a quarter left to finish off. chan fussed a little at having his milk taken away and minho shushed him, then kissed his forehead. they carefully transferred chan to felix’s lap, minho helping him position himself correctly to hold chan steady. it was much different than how he usually held little chan. in this headspace, chan’s body was much more loose and malleable, it took more of felix’s strength to hold him up.

_oh._

minho passed him the bottle, showing him the correct angle to hold it. as soon as the nipple was in his mouth, chan took to it, letting his body relax completely against felix’s. then the caregiver understood what it was that minho meant when he said chan would be completely dependent on him.

 _i’d do it too._ felix realized with finality, unable to take his eyes off of chan’s face. _if anyone every hurt you, i’d—_

“don’t let him suck on the air.” minho said gently, pulling the bottle away. “it’ll upset his stomach.”

“aah, sorry.” felix whispered to both minho and chan, a little embarrassed that he’d been so lost in his own thoughts. he reached up to gently run a finger down chan’s cheek before leaning down and kissing his forehead.

“appa…” chan murmured quietly, eyes barely staying open now. chan wrinkled his nose and then tugged at felix’s shirt. “baba — baba!”

his soft voice cracked a little at the end and felix immediately held him tighter, before glancing at minho.

“no more baba, baba’s all gone.” minho explained quietly, leaning over to pet chan’s hair gently.

felix was surprised to feel chan shift clumsily in his arms, and he had to hold him to make sure he didn’t tip over. but chan’s hands reached out clumsily toward minho, tiny, insistent whinesaccompanying his actions. felix noticed though, that chan wasn’t reaching for the bottle at minho’s side - he was reaching for _minho._

it took everything inside felix to fight back a goofy smile. “hyung, i don’t think he means the bottle. i think he means _you._ ”

minho blinked at that, his face motionless. but then he reached over at put the bottle on the desk next to his bed, hesitating just a moment to see if chan would reach for it. chan still insistently held out his hands, and minho sat the bottle down eyes widening in shock as realization hit.

“ _baba_ ,” chan said insistently again, this time wiggling in felix’s arms to try and get closer to minho. “ _aa-hbaba!”_

minho didn’t hesitate any longer before pulling chan into his arms, cradling him close to his chest and leaning in to whisper sweetly to him. “i’m here, baba’s here. i’m here, sweetheart.”

if felix heard minho’s voice crack with emotion, he made no acknowledgement of it. only watching them warmly for a moment. chan was clutching minho just as tightly as the other was holding him. the two of them only having eyes for each other, as felix realized he was no longer apart of this moment

quietly, felix got up from the bed, grabbing the bottle from the table. neither minho nor chan seemed to notice him leaving, wrapped up in each other’s presence as they were. felix couldn’t help but watch them for a few seconds more, committing the sweet sight to memory before tiptoeing out of the room and gently closing the door behind him.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaand the next chapter preview:
> 
> _seungmin seemed to stew in his own confusion before that confusion suddenly turned to anger. he slowly got up, wobbling on to his feet before announcing. “channie loud!”_


	21. mismatched pieces pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“channie messy.” seungmin spoke for the first time that morning after finishing off a spoonful of oatmeal._
> 
> _all eyes turned to him and hyunjin looked down at him with both eyebrows raised. “what was that, daisy?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, back at it again with another long chapter. literally the only reason it took so long to update was just because this entire story part took so long to write. its another two parter so i had to wait until i finished the entire think to decide where to split it up.
> 
> warnings: first meetings, chanseung enemies to friend arc, it gets kinda angsty, chan does his best

****

chan was practically vibrating in his seat, far too excited about meeting little seungmin to stay still, no matter how many times felix had told him to settle down. he just couldn’t help it, the idea of meeting another little, of meeting _seungminnie!!_ made him so excited. if it was up to him, he wouldn’t even eat breakfast, he wanted to play and show seungmin all of his toys. he barely acknowledged felix coming up behind his chair and ruffling his hair, the caregiver chuckling at the little’s impatience.

“i know you're excited, baby.” felix leaned over and pressed a kiss to chan’s hair. “but lets calm down alright? we don’t want to scare, minnie, do we?”

chan huffed stretching his arms across the table and plopping his chin down. he tried his best to still his legs though. “not gonna scare him, appa.”

“of course not, baby.” felix placated him before going back into the kitchen to fetch chan’s breakfast.

luckily, chan didn’t have to wait long as hyunjin entered the kitchen, a sleepy, but awake seungmin in his arms. the little’s eyes were half closed, head resting against the taller man’s shoulder, while he loosely chewed on a blue rubber ring. chan’s eyes widened and he immediately straightened in his seat, legs kicking with excitement.

“minnie!” chan cried happily, clapping his hands together. “hi, minnie!”

to his surprise, the little in hyunjin’s arms scrunched his nose and looked down at chan, seemingly just noticing someone else was in the room. he blinked owlishly at the seated little, before looking up at his caregiver. hyunjin just laughed gently, easing himself into the seat across from chan, still keeping his arms firmly around seungmin.

“g’mornin’ minnie.” chan tried again, eager to introduce himself.

but seungmin just whined and turned to hide his face in hyunjin’s neck, the older man gently rubbing his back.

“good morning, channie.” hyunjin said in his place, smiling across at him. “seungmin’s still waking up. but once he eats, i’m sure he’ll be very happy to say hi to you.”

chan frowned, a little confused, but nodded along anyway. before he could answer hyunjin though, felix returned with two bowls of oatmeal, placing on next to chan and passing the other to hyunjin. chan easily switched his focus to the meal, exciting to see that felix had remembered to add the banana slices this time.

felix sat beside him, tucking a napkin into chan’s shirt collar before starting to feed him. the first bite of warm, sweet oatmeal made him wiggle in his seat, grinning happily up at felix. soon enough, he was chattering away to his caregiver, talking about the things he wanted to do that day in between bites of oatmeal and banana. to be honest, he almost forgot that seungmin and hyunjin were sitting across from them until he heard a quiet voice from across the table.

“channie messy.” seungmin spoke for the first time that morning after finishing off a spoonful of oatmeal.

all eyes turned to him and hyunjin looked down at him with both eyebrows raised. “what was that, daisy?”

“channie messy.” seungmin repeated again, eyes flickering over to chan before looking down athis own bowl of oatmeal, obviously wanting to eat more.

chan blinked before casting a glance down at himself. the napkin felix had tucked in, as well as parts of his shirt were covered in globs of wet oatmeal that had fallen from his mouth. his habit of talking while eating and forgetting to chew properly, often meant that he made messes during meal times. it was the reason that he wasn’t allowed to feed himself, because more than half of the meal usually ended up on his clothes.

still, no one had bothered to really point it out before. no one ever made a big deal out of it. chan glanced up at felix questioningly, but his caregiver just smiled softly and reached over to wipe his sticky mouth.

“your bibs should be coming in soon, chris-chris.” felix assured him, picking up another spoonful of oatmeal. “and even so, thats why we get all washed up after breakfast.”

chan nodded slowly, trying to push the unease from his mind as felix offered him another spoonful of oatmeal. even with the reassurance, he tried to be extra careful finishing up his meal.

\- - - -

after felix helped chan wash up and get changed into one of his onesies, the little grabbed his box of blocks to take out into the living room. he was eager to play with seungmin, now that they had both eaten. he immediately settled on the floor, pouring the blocks out onto the ground and began sorting through them as he waited impatiently for seungmin to arrive.

soon enough, hyunjin came, carrying seungmin, who had taken a longer time to finish eating and drinking his apple juice. the little was still wearing his comfortable pajamas, not having had the same propensity towards mess that chan did when eating. hyunjin whispered something in seungmin’s ear before kissing the younger man on the forehead and placing him down next to chan.

seungmin looked up at hyunjin, obviously confused before looking over at chan. without preamble, he picked up one of the wooden blocks and stuck it in his mouth, chewing on the corner.

“no, no, minnie!” chan reached over to take the block out of seungmin’s mouth. “s’dirty!”

seungmin pouted, face scrunching in annoyance at having the item taken from him. before he could start crying, chan picked up two more blocks and demonstrated how to stack them, using the previously chewed one in his example.

“see? makes tower!” chan smiled, and then pushed some blocks closer to seungmin. “minnie tries!”

almost as if skeptical, seungmin carefully picked up two of the rectangular blocks and pushed them together, then put a triangular one on top. for the first time, a small smile broke out on the quiet little’s face and he looked over at chan seemingly satisfied. chan clapped happily and began to explain in his own way how they could make an even bigger tower with all the blocks.

hyunjin and felix reclined on the couch, happy enough to see the little’s getting along with one another and totally engrossed in their play time. as much as felix loved playing with chan, it was adorable seeing him play with another little and seungmin seemed truly happy to go along with whatever plan chan was cooking up for a tower.

“he’s quiet.” felix whispered to hyunjin, motioning with his head toward seungmin.

hyunjin nodded, looking up from his phone. “i think its because he only regresses when he’s really relaxed and happy. you know how minnie always says he thinks a lot before he speaks?”

“ah, gotcha.” felix nodded, understanding. “chris talks enough for both of them anyway.”

both caregivers giggled quietly at that, glancing over at the older man who hadn’t stopped talking since seungmin had sat down next to him. it didn’t look like the other little minded though, and they seemed to really be enjoying their activity. with everything seeming under control, the two of them went back to their phones.

it wasn’t until there was sudden crash and dull thud of blocks hitting one another that both caregivers looked up. chan had apparently knocked down the big tower that they had been building and was clapping and laughing at the destruction he had caused. this was a rather normal occurrence, and wouldn’t be worth the attention if it weren’t for seungmin’s reaction to the sudden toppling of their building.

“again! again!” chan cheered loudly, clapping his hands together in absolute glee, apparently unaware of his playmate’s lack of amusement about the situation.

seungmin seemed o stew in his own confusion before that confusion suddenly turned to anger. he slowly got up, wobbling onto his feet before announcing. “channie loud!”

the excitement wiped from chan’s face, replaced with genuine surprise as he held his hands in close to his chest. he blinked up at felix, as if asking for confirmation before looking at seungmin. “channie jus’ play?”

“messy.” seungmin accused, pointing at the blocks on the floor. then he pointed at chan. “loud!”

chan looked completely at a loss, mouth hanging open in surprise. no one had ever been upset about the way he played with the blocks before. he didn’t know what he could do to make it up to his new playmate and looked to hyunjin and felix for guidance.

hyunjin got up from his seat on the couch and went to crouch next to seungmin, rubbing the upset little’s back gently. “daisy, what’s wrong? did your tower have an accident?”

seungmin shook his head vehemently, before glaring at chan and then tucking himself in close to hyunjin. the caregiver seemed surprised, but wrapped his arms around the younger man regardless, rocking him slowly.

“you don’t want to play anymore?” hyunjin asked softly. he felt seungmin nod against his shoulder and he coo-ed softly. “alright minnie, would you like to just sit with hyung?”

another nod and hyunjin picked seungmin up and brought him back over to the couch. he let the little curl up in his lap as he stroked his hair and whispered to him softly.

felix meanwhile sat in front of chan, smiling gently at the little to distract him. he started to push the scattered blocks back toward chan so that he could play some more.

“would you like me to play with you, baby?” he asked, reaching over to tickle chan’s stomach lightly.

chan bit his lip, still a little dazed from seungmin’s outburst before nodding and slowly beginning to put the blocks together. he felt a little less enthused than before, and he concentrated on making the blocks straight and neat like seungmin had. maybe if he showed the other little he could make the tower nice, he would come back and play.

still, it was nice playing with felix, and he quickly fell into talking a mile a minute to his appa. he would occasionally look over at seungmin, who was still comfortably cuddled on hyunjin’s lap, hoping that the other little would want to come back. soon enough, he was engrossed in tower building again, this time making it even higher with felix’s help. he couldn’t help be proud of himself, giggling as he placed the last triangle shaped block on the very top. he tried to remember to keep quiet this time, he really did, but he could help but test out the sturdiness of the tower, poking it with his finger and laughing when it wobbled.

“careful, chris-chris.” felix said, smirking even as he moved out of the way, knowing what was bound to happen. “you don’t want to make it—“

_crash!_ one poke too hard and the whole thing went tumbling down. felix laughed gently as chan shrieked in delight, ducking even as the blocks went flying in the other direction. it was only a sharp cry from seungmin that stopped chan’s celebration, and he suddenly remembered that he was supposed to be quiet. looking stricken, chan took a step toward the whimpering little, but froze in place as he watched hyunjin bounce him gently to comfort him.

“hey, i’m gonna go take seungmin back to our room.” hyunjin stood up, holding seungmin tightly and bouncing the little. “we’ll try again later, alright?”

chan watched them going, twisting his fingers in the fabric of his onesie and feeling guilty for upsetting seungmin. he jumped a little as he felt felix wrap his arms around him from behind, before leaning back into his caregiver.

“didn’t mean to make minnie sad.” he mumbled quietly, looking down. “channie bad?”

“oh no, baby, you just got excited.” felix assured him, squeezing him tight. “you just have to get used to each other. and maybe you could be a tiny bit quieter next time, hm?”

chan nodded, hoping he remembered for the next time.

later that afternoon, he found himself outside the 00-liners room, clutching his elsa doll in his hand. felix had suggested he see if seungmin was feeling better and he could show him his doll. chan stood nervously outside before knocking gently on the door, biting his lip in anticipation.

he stumbled back a bit when hyunjin opened the door, looking down at him a little surprised. “hey channie, are you okay?”

“uh huh.” chan nodded, twisting his body in place. “um, minnie wanna play?”

hyunjin’s eyes softened and he smiled gently, bending a little so that he could be eye-level with chan. “seungminnie is taking a nap at the moment, channie. and i think you might be a bit too much for him right now. we’ll try again another day, okay?”

chan froze in place, but manage to nod stiffly. he barely reacted when hyunjin reached over to ruffle his hair, before sending him on his way. he walked slowly back to the living room where felix was waiting for him, his elsa doll clutched loosely in one hand.

“chris?” felix prompted as the little climbed into his lap. immediately, he wrapped his arms around the older man, pulling him in close, sensing something wrong. “baby, are you alright?”

“channie too much.” the little mumbled, burying his face in felix’s neck, wishing he could just disappear. “channie loud, minnie not like channie.”

“baby… chris.” felix tried to pull chan away from his neck so that he could look at him, but chan refused to budge. he sighed, and rubbed the older man’s back comfortingly. “you’re not loud, you—“ felix stopped, grimacing. he didn’t want to lie to chan to make him feel better. “you just need to be a little quieter and gentler around minnie. hes a little more sensitive than you.”

chan nodded into his neck, sniffling a little as he let his appa comfort him.

“why don’t i put on a movie for us.” felix said, bouncing chan a little. “we can sing with princess moana, okay?”

\- - - -

chan wasn’t sure if he considered it a blessing or a curse than seungmin didn’t seem to remember much of when he was regressed. it meant that chan could nurse the wound that was utter rejection his little side got from the other in peace. it also helped that seungmin didn’t seem to regress as often as chan did, half-joking that he was stressed more often than he was relaxed and unfortunately his brain didn’t react the same way to stress that chan’s did.

honestly, chan was grateful, because he wasn’t sure how he would handle rejection like that again in littlespace. at the same time chan wished he could talk about it with seungmin, because he still got twinges of guilt at how badly he’d upset him. he truly had no concept of how loud or chaotic he could get, as everyone tended to treat his little antics as though they were completely normal.

really, he tried not think about it too much. but unfortunately, his mind couldn’t help but bring it up, especially one morning after he’d regressed for the day.

he was eating breakfast across from minho, the younger man posting some pictures to instagram. he’d tried to suppress the question, but he couldn’t help but ask.

“am i loud when i’m little?”

minho looked up at him, his expression carefully neutral. “extremely, why?”

chan groaned, leaning forward to lay his head on the table. “that’s not what i wanted to hear.”

“chan hyung, of course you're loud when you're little. you're a mess.” minho’s voice sounded fond, despite it being exactly the opposite of what chan wanted. “no one cares, you’re fine.”

chan didn’t say anything else, he just sighed, thoughts somewhat bleak.

_seungminnie cares._

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd like to say that the second part starts off less angsty, but um, next chapter preview: 
> 
> _chan glanced over at seungmin who was still perched on hyunjin’s lap, drinking out of his sippy cup. he wanted to wait for seungmin, but he also didn’t know how to say it without having to say it. letting out an inaudible huff, chan slid off of his seat and toddled out of the dining room, moving much more carefully than usual._
> 
> _“okay, so that was weird, right?” jisung whispered once chan had left the room. “like, really, weird.”_


	22. mismatched pieces pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel bad that i didnt get a chance to answer any comments BUT thats because i wanted to post this asap. it was never meant to be a cliffhanger i swear dklsodsfdhjs i just got too tired to edit this second part, which you will see is much longer than the first.
> 
> theres some pretty heart wrenching moments ahead. but its all good, i swear.
> 
> warnings: pretty solid angst, chan stops talking, its a little more intense than usual
> 
> *if anyone can think of a warning i might need for this chapter feel free to let me know?? i feel like theres something i could tag, but i'm blanking on it.

****

chan peered into the kitchen, toes just barely over the line that divided it from the dining room. felix and jisung were cooking breakfast and since the stove was on, chan was definitely not allowed in the kitchen for any reason. still, the scent of buttery pancakes tempted him, causing his mouth to water as he waited impatiently from a distance.

“chris baby, breakfast is _almost_ done.” felix turned to look at chan, a soft smile on his face. “can you go let hyunjin and seungminnie know?”

“yes, appa!” chan nodded enthusiastically, leaving his post to zip out of the dining room and down the hall to the bedroom. he knocked hurried on the door before slowly pushing it open, peering inside to see if they were awake.

chan made a quiet noise of surprise as he saw that hyunjin and seungmin were very much awake. they were both sitting on the bed, seungmin was all cuddled up in a loose puppy onesie, the hood up and his teething ring clutched in one hand. he was _little_ and chan already felt a sense of worry rise in his chest. but was surprised him was that seungmin was _laughing_ , not just quiet smiles, but actual giggling, looking at hyunjin like he was his whole world.

tilting his head, chan could see that hyunjin was making silly faces at the seated little, changing to a different ridiculous expression every time a trill of laughter spilled from seungmin’s lips. honestly, it was so _cute_ and chan felt jealous of both seungmin and hyunjin in that moment.

he recalled just how terribly he’d messed up the last time he had been around seungmin. he’d been too loud and embarrassingly messy - what had hyunjin said to him? that he was too much? chan bit his lip, hands tightening on the door frame as he considered going back to the kitchen just pretending he’d told them breakfast was ready. but he knew his appa would be disappointed in him if he told even a tiny white lie and so he sucked in a breath and entered the room.

chan froze when both seungmin and hyunjin stopped in their little game to look at him. seungmin’s face immediately dropped, whether it was because he remembered chan or because his fun had been interrupted, chan wasn’t quite sure. but hyunjin just smiled at him warmly, even waving a little.

“good morning, channie.” hyunjin said cheerfully. “look at you up all bright and early. are you excited for your day?”

chan nodded, the instinct to blurt out everything he wanted to do today right there on the tip of his tongue. but his eyes flickered to seungmin and it was like the words got caught in his throat. _not loud. not loud._ he repeated in his mind, determined to remember. he swallowed the words and nodded again, offering a bright smile instead. out of the corner of his eye, he saw seungmin tilt his head curiously, making the ears attached to the hood of his onesie flop adorably.

he walked over to hyunjin carefully, making sure not to rush and gently touched the taller man’s hand, then pointed toward the door. hyunjin looked somewhat confused, but before either of them could say anything a loud grumbling came from chan’s stomach. the little looked down in shock, mortified, but then a tiny giggle got his attention. hesitantly, chan peaked up to see a tiny smile on seungmin’s face and something in his brain clicked.

“someone must be very hungry.” hyunjin teased lightly, reaching out to tickle chan’s side. he then looked at seungmin. “and how about you, daisy? you ready to eat?”

seungmin gave a tiny head bob before sticking his teething ring in his mouth, to both hyunjin and chan’s surprise he thrust out a hand for chan to take. the little looked from the offered hand back to hyunjin, unsure of what to do.

“now minnie, channie is too little to carry you.” hyunjin gave him a gentle reminder. “but if you are careful, i’m sure he wouldn’t mind walking with you to the kitchen.”

as if to emphasize his point, seungmin thrust out his hand again and gave it a little impatient wiggle. secretly elated, chan reached out to take the other’s hand. it felt like fireworks were going off inside his stomach, and he bit the inside of his cheek hard to keep from squealing in excitement. last time, minnie had barely even looked at him and now he wanted to hold hands! everyone had been right, he just needed to _stay quiet_ and then seungmin would want to be his friend.

a newfound determination overtook chan. he didn’t need to talk to have fun, he could be careful just like seungmin and not cause anyone trouble. especially not his new friend.

with hyunjin’s supervision, the two of them walked hand in hand down the hall to the kitchen. chan couldn’t stop smiling the whole time, stealing quick glances at seungmin as the other little lazily chewed on his toy.

once in the dining room, the scent of pancakes and syrup was almost overwhelming and chan’s stomach gave another impatient groan. this time both jisung and felix heard it as well, and laughed at the sound.

“look whose awake.” felix said, walking over to reach up and pat seungmin on the head. “i hope our adorable puppy brought his appetite.”

“he was too tired to stay up and eat dinner last night so i’m sure he did.” hyunjin commented, as he gently pulled seungmin away from chan to pick him up. “thank you very much, channie, for helping seungminie.”

chan couldn’t help the way that pride swelled in his chest at hearing the praise. he nearly forgot about the promise of delicious pancakes, until felix took his hand and lead him over to the table, helping him into his seat. chan couldn’t help but cast glances over at seungmin who was sitting cuddled on hyunjin’s lap, patiently waiting for his food. he squirmed uncomfortably, remembering what had happened last time.

_won’t be messy._ chan reminded himself, determined.

“and a bib for the baby ‘roo.” jisung’s cheerful voice accompanied him pulling a light blue bib around chan’s neck. “we’ll see if this can stop the syrup explosion waiting to happen.”

all three caregivers laughed, causing chan’s ears to burn with embarrassment. he ducked his head a little, trying to hide his pout, determining that he was most definitely _not_ going to make a mess today.

“are you excited to use the stencil set your baba bought you?” felix asked as he started cutting the pancakes into small pieces, seemingly unaware of chan’s mood. but when chan didn’t answer after a few moments he looked up, quirking an eyebrow. “chris?”

chan straightened up in his seat, eyes widening just a fraction as felix stared at him expectantly. he knew his appa would start to worry if he didn’t give him _some_ sort of a reaction, but he didn’t want to talk and upset seungmin by accident. quickly, he smiled, big and bright in the way he knew showed his dimples and nodded enthusiastically. even if he didn’t talk, he could still show them how he felt.

it seemed to work, as a felix just eyed him curiously for a moment before smiling back. done with the pancakes, he brought the first piece to chan’s mouth, carefully holding his other hand underneath so that none of the syrup would spill.

“open wide for appa.” felix said sweetly.

chan opened his mouth obediently, fighting back a squeal as soon as the sweet syrup and warm buttery flavor hit his tongue. he couldn’t stop his body from wiggling just a little bit, but he managed to keep his mouth closed as he chewed on the delicious food. it was so _good!_ chan could have gushed about it, but before he made a sound he looked over at seungmin. the other little was patiently letting hyunjin feed him tiny bits of pancake, slowly chewing each bite before tapping his caregiver’s hand when he was ready for more. any outburst of excitement died in his chest and he quickly stilled himself.

he reached out and tapped felix’s hand with one finger before bringing the finger to his lips, hoping he understood. felix seemed amused, looking from him to seungmin before complying and feeding chan another bite.

“is he… copying seungmin?” jisung observed eventually from next to them, looking back and forth between the two pairs. “there isn’t a drop of syrup on his bib.”

felix nodded. “he’s never done this before.” he reached over and pinched chan’s cheek lightly. “i’m very impressed, baby. you did so good.”

chan’s eyes widened, before he smiled brightly. sure, he missed telling his appa and jisung how much he loved their pancakes and that they were the very best thing he had ever eaten _ever._ but they were proud of him, right? so this was better. he let felix finish feeding him in silence, kicking his feet occasionally to remind himself to stay focused. he barely noticed when he’d finished everything on his plate, being so careful about chewing and not spilling that after a while he stopped enjoying how it tasted in order to focus.

“did you want some juice, channie roo?” jisung asked as he reached over to pick up chan’s empty plate.

chan almost nodded, but stopped himself. if he drank juice, there was a chance he might spill. his sippy was good at stopping messes, but chan knew he could be accident prone. it was better to just avoid it all together. determined to keep on the right track, chan shook his head.

jisung looked a little startled and cast a glance over at felix, whose eyebrows knitted together in concern. felix used a napkin to clean up the slight stickiness that had gotten around chan’s mouth, but otherwise the little was perfectly fine. trying not to let the worry show on his face, he undid chan’s bib and then reached out to pinch his cheek gently.

“alright baby, i’m going to help your hannie hyung clean up and then we can all play together.” felix smiled gently and booped chan’s nose. “does that sound fun?”

chan nodded enthusiastically, hands curling into excited fists as he wiggled around.

the floodgates of worry were threatening to burst, but felix managed to keep his calm. “how about you go wait for us in the living room, chris. we’ll join you soon.”

chan glanced over at seungmin who was still perched on hyunjin’s lap, drinking out of his sippy cup. he wanted to wait for seungmin, but he also didn’t know how to say it without having to _say it._ letting out an inaudible huff, chan slid off of his seat and toddled out of the dining room, moving much more carefully than usual.

“okay, so that was weird, right?” jisung whispered once chan had left the room. “like, _really_ , weird.”

felix was staring at the space chan had just occupied, lost in his own thoughts when he suddenly lifted his head and looked at hyunjin. “did chan say anything to you this morning?”

“huh?” hyunjin asked, seeming surprised by the question. “actually, huh. he—“ seungmin began to squirm in his arms, obviously over the whole thing. hyunjin raised an eyebrow, but carefully let seungmin down. “daisy?”

“channie, go.” seungmin said as if that explained everything. he took the teething ring hyunjin offered him and immediately stuck it in his mouth, chewing calmly. “minnie _going._ ”

“sure, but be careful.” hyunjin said, so taken aback by the unusual behavior that he couldn’t bring himself to question it. all three caregivers watched as seungmin carefully made his way out of the dining room.

“wait, he didn’t _say_ anything to me.” hyunjin said suddenly, clapping his hands together. “chan, when he came in. he didn’t talk at all.”

jisung and felix looked at one another. chan had been talking like usual that morning, being just as precocious and adorable as he always was until he’d been told to get hyunjin and seungmin. what had happened in the literal 30 seconds it had taken the little to get to the bedroom? to make him completely stop talking? to stop making noise _at all._

“i mean he doesn’t seem unhappy.” jisung said, scratching idly at his cheek. “but, still…”

“it’s not like him.” felix murmured, heart squeezing in his chest. of course he loved chan no matter how he behaved, but little chan was special _because_ he was so uninhibited. he expressed his joys, his desires and his love so freely. that was one of the reasons regression was so good for chan, he didn’t have to hold back or be ultra-careful with his words. he could just _be._

but now, even if he didn’t seem unhappy. something was holding him back. something wasn’t letting channie be _channie._

felix felt awful, like he’d failed as a caregiver.

“hey, lets clean up and we’ll figure this out, lix.” jisung touched his shoulder gently, smiling at him.

hyunjin nodded his agreement as he started to gather plates so that they could wash everything and get to the littles as soon as possible.

\- - - -

something was wrong with chan.

jisung was rubbing soothing circles into felix’s back, but it was doing nothing to ease his worry.

the hardest part was the situation in front of them seemed _almost_ normal. chan had brought out paper and crayons for seungmin and himself and the two littles had spread out on the living room floor to draw together. they were laying on their stomachs side by side, enjoying one another’s company and seemingly having fun. except chan didn’t say a word. he was eerily quiet, the only sound between them was seungmin inquiring for a specific color and chan handing it over even if he was in the middle of using it. he didn’t argue, he didn’t ask for certain colors seungmin kept by his side.

but occasionally he would smile, looking over at seungmin and grin before ducking his head and getting back to his coloring. it would almost be cute, if it weren’t clear something was off.

hyunjin, jisung and felix had seated themselves on the couch, doing a bad job of pretending that they weren’t watching seungmin and chan’s every move to figure out what had happened.

“did something happen last time they played?” jisung whispered.

felix and hyunjin glanced at one another before felix spoke. “i mean that was weeks ago.” he bit his lip. “and they didn’t really play much.”

“seungmin got upset,” hyunjin filled jisung in. “he got upset because—“

both felix and hyunjin gasped at the same time, startling jisung. they looked at one another shocked, but realization dawning in their eyes.

“i told him he was too much—“

“i told him he had to be quieter—“

jisung slapped his palm over both of their mouths as seungmin and chan looked up from their drawing, finally taking notice of the commotion coming from the couch. jisung gave them an encouraging smile and after a few moments, seungmin nudged chan to ask for the green crayon he had been using and they went back to their activity.

jisung pulled hyunjin and felix in close so that they could whisper. “okay, _what_ exactly happened.”

felix and hyunjin gave a brief rundown of what they remembered from the day seungmin and chan had met. guilt evident in their voices as they began to piece together what had likely caused chan’s shift in behavior.

“so let me get this straight,” jisung hissed. “minnie _yelled_ at him—“

“it wasn’t really _yelling_.” hyunjin muttered indignantly, but then quickly added. “okay, continue.”

“and both of you just told chan it was because he was _loud_ ,” jisung looked from one to the other. “so now he isn’t talking.”

the three of them looked up at chan and seungmin again. chan had stopped coloring, pushing all the crayons toward seungmin and had laid his head on his arms. they could see him trying to be as still as possible, but his feet still occasionally kicked behind him. he didn’t seem _upset_ , but he also didn’t seem like he was having as much fun as usual. his face was turned away from them, watching seungmin as he drew, so there was no way to see his expression.

felix’s chest ached and he wanted nothing more than to go over and pull chan into his lap and tickle him until he squealed. the thought of chan never speaking again, never calling him _appa_ again, was enough to make him feel slightly nauseous.

“i have to do something,” felix whispered to himself before pulling away from jisung and approaching the littles on the floor. he crouched down in front of them, smiling gently at seungmin who glanced up at him, a little surprised but offered a slight smile. “that’s such a good drawing minnie, do you want to tell me about it?”

seungmin blinked up at him, tilting his head adorably to the side before looking down at his drawing again. his paper was a delightful mess of abstract shapes and colors that overlapped and seemed to dance around the page. “minnie ’n channie.” seungmin finally answered, tracing a trail of squares down the page.

“oh _wow_.” felix said. he glanced out of the corner of his eye at chan who had suddenly perked up, his eyes were shining as he stared at seungmin and the drawing. felix’s heart ached at how happy chan was to finally be accepted. but this was far too much. “and how about you chris, baby? what did you draw?”

chan looked surprised that felix was even addressing him and he ducked his head shyly. usually the little was ecstatic to show off his drawings, his subjects often being their members or minho’s beloved cats. felix could see the familiar stick figures on the page, and he waited patiently for chan to answer. _hoping_ that he would answer.

but chan just picked up the paper and handed it to felix with a smile, though it was slightly less convincing than the others he had put on earlier in the day. the energy it took to maintain this quiet act was probably starting to get to him.

“its beautiful, baby.” felix said, looking at the drawing. he prompted him again gently. “want to tell me about it?”

chan looked stricken that felix had kept asking and shook his head, barely even trying to give felix a reassuring smile.

and if chan was having a hard time keeping it together, felix was in no better shape. “chris, _please.”_ he reached out with a trembling hand to cup chan’s cheek. suddenly feeling miles away from his baby. “talk to me, chris.”

tears welled up in chan’s eyes and his hands balled into tight fists. his body quivering with the effort to _keep quiet_. he finally buried his head in his arms, trying to stave off the tears he knew were threatening to come. his sudden change in demeanor caused seungmin to stop drawing, suddenly intensely interested in his friend’s odd behavior. he scooted closer to chan and put a hand on his back, patting him awkwardly.

“channie sad,” he looked at felix, worry clear his big eyes. “hyungie help!”

it was probably the loudest and most urgent felix had ever heard little seungmin to date, but he seemed genuinely shocked at chan’s odd behavior. felix gave him a wobbly smile, unsure of what to say when hyunjin finally swooped in, stooping down next to seungmin.

“why don’t we give channie and felix hyung some space?” hyunjin gently pulled seungmin away from chan, though the little looked reluctant to do so. “lets make a snack that will help chan feel better, hm?”

hyunjin coaxed seungmin away and jisung followed after them into the kitchen to give chan and felix some private time.

felix wasted no time in pulling chan into his lap, letting chan hide his face in his shoulder. he still wasn’t making any noise, and his body was shaking like a leaf. felix rocked hm gently, whispering soothing reassurances in his ear, even as he himself tried not to freak out. he briefly wondered if he should tell jisung to call minho, but decided it against it. he was chan’s appa, he couldn’t rely on minho to save him every time he made a mistake.

“baby, chris-chris.” felix whispered, stroking chan’s hair. “minnie went to a different room. do you think you can talk to me now?”

chan finally peered up at him through his fingers, his face was red and his eyes wet and puffy. “jus’ appa?” he croaked, trying to keep from crying.

“its just me, baby.” felix assured him, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “just you and me.”

chan nodded and leaned his head against felix’s shoulder, hands fisting tightly in felix’s shirt. “channie good today?”

felix’s heart nearly broke and he closed his eyes to gain his composure. he couldn’t help it if his arms tighten more around chan’s still trembling body as he tried to find a way to answer without completely breaking down. “chris you are _always_ , _always_ good. your my good boy. my perfect boy. not just today,” he emphasized. “every single day.”

“today…” chan mumbled. “not loud n’ messy. minnie likes channie now.”

_1, 2, 3. in and out._ felix reminded himself. “chris.. not being loud doesn’t mean you have to stop talking.” he ducked his head to try and catch chan’s eyes. “and even if you're messy, i’ll always be there to clean you up.”

“but minnie…”

“this isn’t about seungmin.” felix said firmly. “its about you. i want you to be happy and to have fun. are you having fun today, chris?”

chan bit his lip, idly mouthing at felix’s shirt before answering quietly. “s’hard. s-stayin’ quiet all day.”

“it shouldn’t be hard, baby.” felix said. “you should be having fun. seungmin won’t be mad if you talk to him, i promise.”

chan looked unconvinced by felix’s words.

“chris,” felix cradled the back of chan’s head gently, scratching lightly at his scalp. “you have no idea how much i’ve missed hearing you talk all day. your appa was so worried, because… because _i_ did something wrong. i shouldn’t have told you to just be quieter, i should have explained it better. i’m so so sorry.”

“channie here.” chan reached up with one hand to pat felix’s cheek. “appa not be sad ‘nymore.”

“i can’t help it, baby.” felix sniffled a little. “i should have noticed sooner. i’m so sorry. i’m being selfish, but chris, i love hearing your voice.”

he pressed a kiss to chan’s cheek, causing the little to squirm a little and giggle quietly. “i love when you laugh,” he tickled chan’s side lightly, causing chan to giggle again, this time a little louder, letting out a an indignant, soft ‘appa!’. “i love when you call me your appa.” he leaned in and pressed his forehead against’s chan’s, smiling gently. “i love _you,_ chris.”

“channie loves appa.” chan’s voice was still quieter than usual, but he sounded much more confident. the smile he cast toward felix was wide enough to show his dimples. then he wrapped his arms around felix burying his face in the caregiver’s neck as he announced. “love love love appa!”

felix let out a half-sob, half-laugh, squeezing chan tightly. things hadn’t been completely solved, but he was so happy to hear chan like normal, he didn’t care at the moment.

he wasn’t sure how long they sat there, but eventually hyunjin entered the living room, holding seungmin’s had, with the little following slightly behind. seungmin was chewing on his teething ring, not quite looking at anyone in the room. hyunjin cleared his throat to get their attention, gently pulling seungmin forward a little bit.

“seungmin has something he would like to say to you, channie.” hyunjin announced. “if that’s okay with you.”

chan looked a little fearful, clinging to felix as he eyed the other little warily. he glanced at felix who gave him an encouraging nod before looking back at hyunjin. “o-okay.”

it took another encouraging tap from hyunjin for seungmin to move forward, shuffling his feet across the floor as he approached chan. he looked a embarrassed, and a little sad as he stopped in front of chan and felix. hyunjin cleared his throat again, and seungmin removed the teething ring with his hands, clutching it in front of him.

“sorry channie.” he said quietly, trying his best to look the other little in the eye. “channie good, um..” his brows knitted together as he tried to remember what he was supposed to be saying. “movie ’n minnie?” he glanced at hyunjin as if looking for confirmation that he had done it right.

hyunjin looked a little little flustered and a little amused, but it was obvious seungmin had been trying his best. he approached them and crouched down, wrapping his arm around seungmin as he looked at chan. “we’re both sorry for being too harsh to you, channie. minnie would like to know if you’d like to watch a movie with him.”

felix nudged chan encouragingly, seeing the hesitance in the little’s eyes. eventually chan nodded, and answered. “wanna watch a movie. p-princesses?”

“princesses good.” seungmin nodded, eyes brightening at the suggestion. he tugged on hyunjin’s sleeve. “princess movie, hyungie.”

both hyunjin and felix let out twin sighs of relief. feeling like they’d at least made good enough progress and they could figure out dynamics from here. in the meantime, they could get both little’s started with bonding over their favorite movie genre. it would take a bit of teamwork, but they were definitely on the right track.

\- - - -

“hyung.”

chan looked up from where he was laying on the couch, having just showered after a long morning and afternoon of dance lessons. he was trying to figure out what he wanted for delivery when he heard seungmin’s voice and then a shadow appeared above him. he didn’t get a chance to say anything before the younger man fell onto him, causing chan to groan something about having old bones.

“your not that old, chan hyung.” seungmin rolled his eyes, refusing to let up and instead cuddling closer. “i wanted to say i’m sorry.”

chan squinted at him, confused for a few moments before his eyes widened. “i thought you didn’t remember what happened when you were in little space?”

“i don’t _really._ i remembering impressions, feelings.” seungmin shrugged. “i felt weird, so i nagged hyunjin into telling me what happened.”

“oh, well..” chan huffed. “it’s no big deal, minnie, it all worked out.”

“yeah well, i already told hyunjinnie and i’m going to tell felix too,” he looked quite serious. “don’t let me push you around. just because i’m quiet doesn’t mean i’m not being rude.”

chan laughed, reaching up to ruffle seungmin’s hair. “minnie, you're so sweet. being all worried about me.”

“hyuung.” seungmin whined, shaking his head. “i’m serious. it’s not fair, especially when thats how you relieve stress. i don’t want to mess that up for you.”

chan could tell that seungmin was completely serious, and honestly it was _so_ like hm. seungmin had a reputation for being too serious sometimes. but the truth was he deeply cared about the other members and would do anything to help them. despite being the second youngest, seungmin took it upon himself to try and make the rest of them comfortable and happy, whether that meant helping them out or being annoying cheerful just to get a smile out of them.

chan wasn’t at all surprised that seungmin felt the need to approach him about this. that didn’t stop him from awe-ing, feeling his heart swell with gratitude for the younger man.

“thank you, seungmin.” he said, smiling sincerely. “i think we’ll be okay from now on.”

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to have closure or I was gonna get upset. eventually felix deserves a soft chapter, because so far minho's the only one having the perfect little chan experience. 
> 
> nothing lined up yet, trying to think of ideas. as always, if you have any, feel free to fling them at me with abandon.

**Author's Note:**

> basics an' shit:
> 
> chan is our main little and felix is our main caregiver because aussie line are cute af. 
> 
> tags will be updated as chapters are. peace out!


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